For The Hardest Thing Is Not To Learn, But To Unlearn.

Met the guys from the old office lunch tadi. Smiles.

Met Kak Ida. I think I was myself again for I dunno how long. A part of me I left at the AMC when we were forced to move. I didn't realize it, I was like THIS (picture me doing the backward 'C') talkative. Am I that lonely in HQ ? I've read somewhere that one tends to be talkative when one's lonely. Or in a lonely place. Or is feeling lonely. Or something to do with solitude.

I wish the Me of today could tell the Me of yesterday that everything is gonna be OK. That everything is gonna be alright. That everything will be fine.

Then I wish the Future Me would whisper that "This too shall pass.." or "You'll get through this.." - A smile on my face as I type this. Yes, this too shall pass. I've already known the secret. Problem with me, is that I know everything. Yet I know nothing.

"I could not become anything, neither bad nor good, neither a scoundrel nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect, and now I'm eking my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything; that only a fool can become something." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Out of place. Perhaps. But that was what transpired in my mind as I type the paragraph preceding the quote by Mr. Dostoevsky.

I was happy to see them. Loved the shirt that I managed to 'pow' Kak Ida from. But the pix has failed to reach the masses due to an unseen circumstance thanks to Anna Mawiati. Damnit.

Sighs.

On top of having multiple URGENT workload at the same time and the ever bugging HQ people breathing down my neck for their petty reports. Now 5S. Seriously. What the. Does it look like we have some spare time to you ? Oh as a matter of I do. I just blogged.

Arghhhhhhhh tensennya.

p/s: BG is back. Euw.

*wiping the screen off the green puke*

The 10sighs Post

I'm just sad. :(

Keadaan di ofis tidak cukup dengan keje yang aku tak suka tapi kene buat sebab boss specifically mentioned my name for the person he wanted on the scope. Not to mention the rambling of the ever-unappreciative co-workers.

I don't like what I'm doing and what a good feeling it is to know that you're being hated on because of something you were forced to like. Give me a break. I don't like what I do and its just too damn bad that I'm good at it while you suck at practically everything that were laid your way. Tough luck Piggy.

And what is sadder even is that you're MY superior. And for you to be dwelling on petty stuffs like 'bos puji this or that person' makes me shrug at the thought of the future of this company. Small minds just don't fit into the bigger picture. Get Management101 you fat pig.

God I hate you with a passion.

Draft. A Little Story About Not So Little Fat Pig.

There was once a Fat so Pig. They called her Huge. No she wasn't from any descendants of Mark Hughes, the Manchester United great whatsoever. And you're mightily mistaken if you would think that she's a cute cuddly black pig a la Ryoga.

And this is a draft. Rest assured I shall come back and and cum at the back of your mind.

The Coroner's Note - Death of Inspiration.
Time of Death: N/A
Current Listen: The Shirelles - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow.mp3

Listening to the current song and I just remembered something of substantial depression. Lately, everything and anything will somehow come to me at the light speed of stress. Be it work, life and the people involved. Words wouldn't begin to justify the intensity of the pressure. Yet that sheer intensity has only rendered me somehow - void. Empty.

Its Ironic, really.

Everything is done and required in a rushing manner. Yet the further the track runs, the more clueless I am of where am going. Have had days where I practically dragged my feet to go to work. Whats more bothering is the fact that the cycle of this confusion has only grown more constant in recent times. Where it used to be once or twice a month - now is once or twice a week.

I've forgotten where I started and what did I start these sprints for.

Dying for Inspiration - even a tiny flicker.

Same Shit Different Mouths.

Owen's a Devil. What shock.

On the heavier note - Sighs. Sighs. That's all I do. Been taking office assignments home for quite a while now. Its depressing. And this is just an out-of-nowhere, ad-hoc assignment, I haven't even started firing holes in Microsoft Excel's blank sheets just yet. And that is the real deal. The one with a hefty price tag and a deadline. The Monthly Sales Report. But then again, we were taught to prioritize, and this was something that HOC himself scratched his temple projecting at the SGM's instruction.

And it just doesn't help one bit if the surrounding fails quite miserably to grasp the situation. Its so much frustrating, it drains your drive, consumes your will at a whim. Persons firing shots at will without much less a thought, landing to conclusions absorbed by their delusions. Ass-suming. God, you're so good at flame throwing your assumptions, your mind reeks of Ne-cavity (read: Negativity).

I think am getting mushy. Mcm punde-

The Deadlock Post.

Am applying for a new job. Well its quite a renowned institution.

Am so hoping that I'll get this deal. I've reached the point here, where enough is just enough. Am given a task too many with all of them tagged - URGENT!!

So tell me how the hell do I prioritize ?

Sales reports on its monthly basis is as is busy as it is. Its a practice full of running high and low just to get the sales' figures of 150 (and still counting) something outlets tabulated - and oh, not to mention ACCURATELY, from a few different sources namely - The System & The People.

Good Lord, when you combine these forces and confront them on your own, the result is genocide. The system relies heavily on the availability of the network and albeit the human factor, so it still pretty much boggles down to the reliant of human perps. Plus the flaws that are seemingly forever make it even merrier.

And when it all seems lost.. Well, you're just gonna lose even more.

Relying on human - the so called retailers, to submit their sales figures to us so that we could charge them on Royalty basis and rentals. How luvly do you think that is ? Granted, there are a few good natured retailers who submit their sales figures on time and didn't twist and turn the figure here and there to their likings. How many of them do you think even exist in the world ? Well chances are as slim as Anne Roxias going on hunger strike.

So now sum it up to complete just a report. And multiply the life-draining efforts to a quadruple of times. What you get is an even more comprehensive weekly sales basis. Single handedly engineered by our new Senior General Manager (SGM). Lovely character, really. So now you do the same exact runs, only just 4 times the effort. INsignificant if you ask me. No am not lying, you bitch !

There you go. Now come the ownership of Point of Sales (POS) machine that I was entrusted with as the guardian. Some people, as loads of them hover over the corporate atmosphere, they would say that its just a matter of sending the retailers the form, get them to fill in all the blanks, deliver the system, bill them accordingly - and zoom your work is done. You score an A. Easy fucks.

If you would just take your time to notice, pause for a bit - Play all the actions again, backwards. What you get in betweens are -

• Getting the retailers to reach me, which if ever a kucing is gonna have tanduk, maybe they would, or as has become the standard practice, I have to reach them over, rub their shoulders and hand them the forms.
  
• Contact them should they fail to resubmit the thing.
  
• Coordinate the placement of how many POS for how many tenants.
  
• Knowing the exact geographical coordinate of their outlet's location - lest they would have an outlet on top of Mt. Everest and having problems connecting with KLIA's VLAN.
  
• Coordination work and liaising with respective departments, who are yet to fall short on staff when the time requires them most.
  
• The ever so tangled means of billing and;
  
• a few hundred thousand over etcetras more.

Well that is all.

Then come the less twisted scopes, credit control dicks and pussies. The special SM and SGM's office culprits. And a few more that I might have forgotten to mention, which I am terribly sorry of but still fuck you any any ways. Those are the less twisted works, days when I emphasize on those job is the most luvly, so luvlyI could go back home as early as 8.oo PM. Nevermind that it's exceeded 3 hours after the real balik time. But who cares. Those who went back, and me - We are 2 sides of the same coin. We may work under the same roof but am sorry am not your ordinary Joe Breadwinner. Yea right.

So there goes my 2 millions, hence spare your 2 cents if you're planning on a donation spree. Am just tired.. Sometimes I feel like its pointless. They all are. Everyday is another cycle of struggles and pressures. Rarely that I complete one job in a day and move to another one. Instead I juggle everything simultaneously and continue them the next day. So instead of a job settled and another one in progress, its two jobs delayed - since EVERYTHING is urgent.

And the fact that our company has been denied staffs recruitment makes it even more frustrating and surely the light that was seemingly bright at the end of the tunnel, now are no more than a mere few light matches survival - on a pitch black night.

Its noteworthy to say that I do love my job. I love the people, SOME of the colleagues, the environment, the experiences, the chances and the faith that my superiors have given me despite a few of my hiatus(es). The company is nurtured with a good working culture, well the department at least. But its just the point in life, I like to think that everybody have at least one of this point. A point so burdening that motivation is often a distant of home away. Scarce.

Is this goodbye ?