Book Updates!!!

2017 menjengah around the corner. Finally finished the book. This book and the other, somewhat make me feel a little bit tired with UK writers. They could drag the whole story around the bush telling you about nothing and they could do that, amazingly in 300 pages. 

The Normal Me would have quit long time ago. But I want to be a finisher. I wanna finish things I have started. So I soldiered on. 

Not to say that it's an entirely bad book, but the best parts, the parts that somewhat moved you were in the last hundred pages or so. Dang!

Look, I'm no expert to review books and stuffs. But damnnnnnn!

OK. Whatever.

Third book of 2016. Yay!

And still a month and a half away for at least one more book or a head start for 2017. Whichever comes first.

Please pardon the title. I'm a hopeless romantic, the little girl inside me cries for these corny, mushy stuffs. 

So there.

And Heart Is...

If ever we shall meet again in a universe parallel
Would you still call me Darlink, can I still call you Angel ?

Would you still love me if the circumstance we meet was different ?
Would you take my hand and ride off to a sunset in that rusty wagon ?

Would you laugh at my silly jokes or have you always knew ?
Dumb as I may joked I have NEVER when I said that I love you

If we were strangers brushing each other's shoulders on a train
I wonder if you would catch me staring from the opposite lane

I have said Hello to you so many times that I lost count
Though most of it happened in my mind & just outside of a frown

Hence if a day comes memory fails me & my mind shredded to pieces
I'll find my way back because home is where the heart is; 

And heart is wherever she is.

Mak...

With friends. Guy friends. Fuck you. Fuck me. Then we are not even bothered to shake hands. We go on. With the girls, well a little bit more complex. But we talked it out. Bam! We go again. With siblings. I fucking hate you you demonstrate exactly the same amount of hatred towards me, but if you would find yourself in a fight, you know I'll be there in your corner more than to wipe off the blood from your wounds, sweat and tears - I would help you deliver the killing blow and later help you hide the body.

With partners, well a story for anoother time. Well, they're you know, partners.

But with our Moms.

Its always a little bit extra delicate. You love her. You hate her. She disses you. You're angry. But you always come back. I wish I could be angry at my mom for a little bit longer. But I never can't.

So here's what I promise what I will try to do.

I will love you unconditionally.

No matter our differences. No matter our disagreements. I will always love you. So I'm gonna do what I have to do no matter how seemingly unpretty, so that I could love you. Simply because I love you Mak. And I will always do no matter how much I seem to contradict these words.

And I hope you know that. I dunno how frankly, what with me being the biggest asshole there is to you. But I hope you do. But I'll guess you'll never find it out from me.

Your ungrateful son.

Au Revoir Mouna

I guess I was never really good at expressing my feelings. Not verbally at least. I write poems and throw tantrums or I freeze somebody off when I'm angry.

Truth of the matter is I feel a lot. I'm actually quite devastated that Mouna will be leaving GHR for good and I dunno why. I was a newcomer. Apparently who's who in the ranking of the boss' favourites has already been established long before I decided to come in. 

Nonetheless, her departure fills me with grief I fail to describe. 

But all I could muster as parting words are just jokes - and deflective banters. Stupid sense of humor. They mask everything. Fucking everything. Whereas all I wanted to say was how I'm gonna miss her and I wish nothing but the very best for her, but also if she could come back one day, please do.

And for all that incredible capacity for emotions all my stupid self could muster was "Take care, Mouna." as I try to convey as much as I could through my eyes.

And of course putting on my best looking idiot face in what could probably be our last picture together.

You fucking stupid moron Fakhrol.

Au revoir, Mouna!

Book Updates

2016 is nearing an end. No firecrackers, no flashlights and no half naked girls congratulating me on my achievements for the year yet. Most probably due to the fact that I don't have any.

And United kalah. By that smugface mukababi Pep Guardiola.

But as is customary with yors truly, I started off reading something and finished another thing altogether. 

Whatever.

This. My second book of the year. All that extra hours in the toilet paid off I guess. So hrm, the title. Fuck it. A book is a book. I hope I came out a little wiser even after reading such a book. Not gonna review it. Too fucking lazy.

Laters you fucking punks.

Vicious Cycle

Aku memang pandai. Tido (tertido) awal sebab letih nak mampus harinie. Then stay up sampai sekarang (approx. 3.35 AM). Besok mengantuk lagi.

And the cycle continues.

To The Ones Who Actually Matter

Its one of those days. 

When everything inside you is made of sweet, marshmellowy stuffs. 

I mean I could write a poem to immortalize the zenith-like feelings I have for them and write it in such a way that would have you thinking that ours is a summer breezed, Versailles-like garden of a tale. So grandeur an affair.

But I would be lying.

Because truth of the matter is its not. No, even that would be a gross understatement simply because families irk you 99% of the time! Nod your head and smile if you agree. 

I know. 

They're assholes, manipulative and selfish !@#$%^%^*!

But  in spite of all the pain they inflicted so kindly on your ass, despite those MINOR flaws, you love them anyways. You love them so fiercely that if you were to mess with my brother you gotta be prepared to have me as an enemy. And if you would have the misfortune of messing with my sister, oh well, she would have probably gotten your nose broken at this point anyways and would have your rib cages shattered for good measure.

Mess with my parents. Then its you and I.

The very point that I'm trying to deliver home through this mess of unintelligible ramblings is that I love you guys. Through thick. Through thins. Through hardships. Through eases. Through the rains and through the scorching sun. I love you guys.

You fucking rock! 

Narcisus Snobbe

My name is Narcis, my middle name Snobbish
I'm prickly I'm scheming and I'm also a little selfish

You don't have to be subtle about your dislike for me, I ain't slow
Thats up to you but if I don't like you you sure as hell would know

lol OK I lied if I don't like you you won't see coming until the very end
You'll only know it when you check the count of your Facebook friends

If I have 2 bullets and left in a room with a killer a rapist and you
No brainer! I would shoot you twice before you could count to two

To know me makes you unfortunate but to mess with me was a crime
Sit there & repent while you collapse your lung one breath at a time

p/s: What a name would Narcicus Snobbe would have made! lol

My Ship Couldn't Dock

There's a wall in front of me
But you know me. I'm fucking lazy.

Looking for the will to climb and I haven't found it
So instead I look for ways to go around it.

A wall made of tall so long a line, the end I couldn't fine.
So left I am in contemplation if this is all in my mind ?

Brilliance is the destination I sailed to but my ship couldn't dock
Is this what they meant when they mentioned a writer's block ?

Cipher 10 Menit (Tipu!)

Gambar hiasan

Torrents of miseries

In these oceans of memories

Ashes of what once was

Scattered along one's cause

Warriors of fate

Braving horrors of state

Twice I peeked halting, not once did I peep stopping 

I stood up when everything else keeps dropping

Forgive me for thinking that I & You should spell forever

I forgot you don't always get four putting two & two together

p/s: See ? I still got it! 

Saya Sebuah Buku

I dunno if I should do this at the end of year or now. The fact that I'm writing in spite of the thought means you already know what I'm going with. Thank you subconscious, you are definitely the more decisive one in comparison with your physical counterpart who is clearly a fickle-minded schoolgirl. Damn you Fakhrol.

Anyways, true to my fickle schoolgirl nature. I have officiated 2016 with a love story novel. This Is A Love Story by Jessica Thompson. I was so damn annoyed the entire time I was reading this, well alrite, halfway through the second half. God. Grow some fucking balls already goddamnit! Alrite anymore beans spilling would spoil it for those of you who might have too many time on their hands and might wish to read this. 

Plus, I don't think the ball-less-ness situation is conjured by the author entirely for sake of pulling the readers. There are a certain degrees of truth in it as well. Heck, it took me.. Well, that's another story for another time (or dimension, well hello Matthew McCounaghey!). So I kinda can forgive him.

So that's my first book for 2016. Better log it now before I fucking forgot. Well, my second book... Damn. I finally know now that I'm such a fucking gooey at heart. OK, I lied, I've already known it for a long time. Well, my second book is titled 'The Two of Us', Damn. I concede I am a little embarrassed to a admit that. More on that on my second log of 2016.

Two books. Half a year. Hrm.

Bird Watching

There's a National Geographic moment happening in my backyard right now. Ada sekor burung who'd built a nest on what's left of that small piece of yard behind our house. Selebihnya, according to my father, has all been and I quote - "Belanda rampas tanah". (LOL)

Mak buat wet kitchen dekat belakang tu and she's seriously not happy that bapak keeps on mentioning the Belanda rampas tanah thinggy. lol.

But anyways, back to the burung story.

Damn. What an interesting thing to happen. Small piece of land. A barely grown tree with branches and leaf so scarce, people would thought that we erected the damn thing over there. But life finds a way. There you are a mother bird who would constantly fly off to God knows where and two (or three, I cannot yet ascertain) hatchlings who would only make any sort of sound when mommy comes back with a large opening on her mouth along with KFC. In fact they were so silent, there a few times I wondered if they had abandoned their nest, since there is also a minor construction going on on of our neighbour's house and its fucking noisy. But they're good. They're really good. In one of my stalkings I could see one of the bald hatchlings being more aggressive than the others. 

Oh well.

Maybe I'll take pictures sometimes. But I don't wanna scare the mommy off. Hrm.

Nuang & Some Other Side Notes

I just stumbled upon an entry I wrote in 2012 about a copycat blog, my copycat blog. lol. What a poyo guy. Biar la budak tu nak plagiat your thoughts. You should be proud. Things we do in our younger days. And the foolishness they allow. Makes you smile. (Makes you feel all the same, unfortunately)

Anyways.

As we speak, Hadi and Jahed, my nephew are climbing up Gunung Nuang again today. I wanted with all my heart to topple her again. A peak denied me when I injured myself climbing the top of her in 2013. Notice the sexual innuendo there ? Well, me neither. Back to the topic, I injured myself climbing the mountain because I thought wearing jeans while climbing up a 4,898 ft mountain was a good idea. One that I pains-takingly, literally, learned was not a few hours later.

There is a time window you have to adhere to when climbing up Nuang. You have to be the at the peak and start making the climb down by or around 2 PM to avoid getting trapped climbing down treacherous path in the dark. And I'm not kidding when I say treacherous. I've heard stories that there were these couple of guys who were lost and and ended up at Janda Baik! Which is not too weird considering, if you take a look at the map above, that Nuang is situated between two states namely Selangor and Pahang. But let me offer another perspective, you basically started off your hike in Pahang and end it in Selangor! lol.

We were late, of course, caused by the injury of our members, me and Jahed, the two fatties who went and get their selves injured in an outdoor activity that was supposed to be fun. Goddamnit Fakhrol!

I had intended to put the picture of Nuang's peak I would search from Google but fuck it, no. Am going to conquer her one day and then and only then will I share with you the pictures. The ones that I'm gonna take myself. If not for class commitments I have, I would have been wetting my socks with her cold river streams now. Sighs.

Before Everything

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized

- Adele, When Were Young

This evokes so many emotions. 

To you. I know our separation could have been better handled and I am sorry that it ended the way it did. I wish you nothing but happiness.

I'm Sorry

To the friends, to the budding relationships that never was and to the people I have disappointed over the years. 

This one is for you. 

For those who know me well enough to smell a whiff of my deodorant (or the lack of it) you would know that I revere Friday. Friday evening to be exact. That feeling after you get off work before the weekend is simply - fantastic is understating it. I wanna cram everything in Friday. Time with friends and people you love hanging out with. Movies. Series. Problem is you only have so many hours in a day. That is why whenever I get the honor to set a meet up between friends Friday night will be my primary choice after Saturday's. I love dumping all fun activities on that few hours I have after clocking off on Friday.

But some of my friends, they are not bothered with the fact that tomorrow's a working day hanging on their conscience (OK conscience is apparently not really appropriate, but lets just stick with it for the theatrical effects, shall we ?). They are cool with it. And I've known some who only choose a weekday to lepak and that seriously ticks me off.

I never really knew why. But with the help of articles I found online. I now know that I am a recluse. Again, an overshoot - an introvert, to be exact. I've known to be social. I can be outgoing. I'd like to think that people love hanging out with me. So the all the boxes are checked. So why ? A recent article I found online reveals that between intro and extroverts, there are a few subcategories, and thereon comes the third of this - The Hybrid.

Hybrids are good at hiding their introversion. I mean they hang out with people and they like to do all the fun stuffs that extroverts love to do. But we also love the smell of our room and the warmth of our blankets.

That is why sometimes my friends found themselves in a really awkward situation when hanging out with me. I mean I was another person altogether having a smoke and a cup of Teh Tarik at mamak stalls but I was this anxious prick when they chose to hang out at the wrong time and when they wanna hang out at my place. Especially when they wanna hang out at my place. I get really uneasy when someone enters my domain. Yeah of course some of the stuffs I got here, you wouldn't show to your girlfriend's parents and all. But that's only the small part of it. Like when they stay in my room, try as hard as I could laughing and giggling but 90% of the time all I think of is when is this person gonna leave.

I know I sound like a prick. But believe me, its not you, its me. I don't not like you any less just because I am displaying these prickly behaviors. Its just that I get anxious and I dunno what to do.

Please forgive me.

I remember another instance. Few really nice chaps, taking me under their tutelage. I was really taking a liking to them. We only started hanging out for a few months then. And these are very successful people, not some MLM crackpots who drive Kancils and wanna lecture me about wealth (Sorry this isn't a slight to any of you Kancil drivers. I'm a proud owner of one). I learn a lot just by hanging out with them - they were adding some serious values to my life. But these guys, they lepak almost every Sunday night at TTDI to rub salt to the wounds. I was slowly dreading these meetings and eventually I stopped showing up altogether. I knew some of them were disappointed, pissed off and everything. I know. And they have every right to. But I just don't know how to explain my conditions to the others. 

Because of that I have some very weird, undefined type of friendships over the years. You lepak with these dudes like everyday at one point in your life and all of a sudden you fade into oblivion. These people whenever I see them, either dunno how to act or we act like we are just friends who have mutual friends.

It makes me sad a little bit.

I'm sorry guys. I know. I suck. And you have every right to ignore me. Be pissed about it. Its OK. Expressing what I feel is not one of my virtue. 

So I ran like a little girl.

Dear Mr. Van Gaal

Dear Mr. Van Gaal,

Hi. How are you doing ? I hope Manchester's balmy weather is treating you fine. I know this is just one of the hundreds and hundreds of letters you must have received on daily basis. But I want you to know that despite these onslaughts against you perpetrated by the medias, this fan from Malaysia have nothing but support for you. Its just quite sad that even some of our fans are buying into the medias bullying tactics. I think you're doing a mighty fine job and I hope you will stay your own man against all these odds and against all these naysayers saying how you should play so and so.

I know its tough to be your own man in the world increasingly demanding for conformity and I have nothing but the highest  respect for you for sticking to what you believe in.

Don't worry about some immature sections of the fans who would boo their own team. I'm sure those fans who went to away  matches in cold December night in Wolfsburg last night are right behind you, sir. The real fans. One of these days I would like to have an opportunity to support our team and breath in the legendary atmosphere of United's away matches myself.

United fan from Malaysia,

Fakhrol

Note: 

I want to send this letter to Mr. Van Gaal. And before I forgot the exact words of how I feel I think I should pin it somewhere. Yes, I am a master procrastinator. Hopefully I get to doing it first before my lazy by  nature nature caught me.

Note II: (before I forgot the address)

Mr. Louis Van Gaal
Manchester United Football Club Limited
Aon Training Complex
Birch Road off Isherwood Road
Carrington, Manchester M31 4BH

Himpunan Mana Maruah

This is a very smart post from one of these random posters off FB. What she said made me swim in seven seas of deep thoughts and contemplation.

9 Sultans.

1 Prime Minister

1 Deputy Prime Minister

And many more I just am too lazy to quote. So yeah.

9 Sultans.

1 Prime Minister

1 Deputy Prime Minister

All Malays.

So here's something she didn't say but I am.

If with all those positions of power and the Malays still require over protection and berhimpun sebab rasa maruah Melayu tercalar. Then the Malays are the most pussy of a race. The Malays need to take a long hard look at themselves. We are at where we are because we are what we are. 

Ah. Tapi aku letih. 

Assessment Time!

Everybody say Hi to Nico. She's a fat fat lard just like her owner!

I am not exactly giddy about the result. I skipped two workout sessions yesterday and the day before due to the strain caused by yoga (yes ladies and gentlemen I did yoga for the first time ever, more on that later), so that might have played a hand.

Just for recording's sake, I need to pin this down somewhere. 

Project: Atkins For A Week

Target: To reduce to at LEAST 67 kilogram

Duration: 7 days

Initial Weight: 72.8 kilogram

Result: 69 kilogram

Would you do it again in the future ? : I dunno

Was a success / failure : It pretty much feels like a failure.

Cause of success / failure : Lack of knowledge and proper planning on the dietary 

I might have unknowingly cheated my way through with all the tofus, burgers and hotdogs that I have been having this past one week due to my lack of knowledge of this dieting regime. So that too might have played a hand. I've grown to hate ayam bakar, its pretty funny this used to be one of my favourite thing in the world, chicken, yet you grow tired of it pretty quickly after having to basically force those white meat in your mouth with the support of plain water. Maybe the way I roast it. Coke Zero had been a huge friend in times of dire need. I finished two bottles of 1.5 L Coke Zero in a matter of 2 or 3 days. Hrm. What else.

Oh yes. Last but not least. I fucking hate every minute of it!

p/s: Now that I've finished rasa sayang pulak nak start consuming those treacherous carbs! Haih.

p/s/s: I hereby end the doomed Project Workout tag. A fucking unnecessary project that causes unnecessary stress. (read: failure to finish again. Story of someone else's life! :P)

Manchester United

I fear for my team. We the fans are so used to being successful we don't know how to react in times of losses. After all those years of mocking Liverpool fans about living in the past, United fans are turning exactly like them. The self-entitlements, the expectation that the team will compete at the very top year in year out.

We pride ourselves of our patience in dealing with players and managers, yet we are not willing to give two seasons to a world renowned manager like Van Gaal. I'm guilty of this as well I guess. His styles or 'philosophy' as he put it at most times are cringe worthy. Very hard to watch. But if I am a man who knows what I'm capable of and a genius at that. I would love to be left alone to do my thing. I believe Van Gaal will succeed given the time and patience that he deserves. (but hey who am I kidding right, I'm also the guy who supported Moyes through and through without much thought given apart from pure loyalty and that didn't end so well) 

I just hope that the United hierarchy has as much patience because the fans clearly don't.

Books

I wanna keep track of books I've read in a year. Well. More like flip-flip because the only regular reading time I got (or willing to allocate) is the five to 10 minutes I am in the toilet everyday. But of course when I am in the loo it isn't going to be a 10 minutes ride, usually it'll be fifteen to twenty due to the aforementioned habit.

So since I did not keep any tracks. I will recall and I think it'll be accurate since two to three pages per session isn't going to make me a fast reader but nonetheless I think I have finished four (wow four ?) books proper this year (of course some of them have been read commencing 2014)

1. Twenty Thousand League Under The Sea by Jules Verne

2. Bad Boy by Stephen Gray

3. Ocean At The End of Lane by Neil Gaiman

4. The Inheritance by Tilly Bagshawe

I've started Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray but had just now go and purchased John Greene's An Abundance of Katherines due to the expiring MYR 50.00 voucher gifted by Popular a few months back. I might jump straight into it and put Wilde's work on the back burner for a little for the time being. 

So hooray for a new tag!