Friday, January 27, 2017

We Love You

Time. Death. Familial bond. 

Intricate concepts.

We weren't exactly close these past few years. She used to take me in to keep her youngest daughter company while we both were growing up. I was pretty close with Kak Na growing up. We used to be childhood play mates. I remember the little snitch planting fire crackers in a pile of cow dung only for it to prematurely explode and gotten my ass scolded and she escaped. Small chuckles on my lips when I remember that.

That's it.

Family expanding with marriages meant we kept to ourselves mostly. Not for the loss of love whatsoever. Its just that way.  If I'm honest there have been deaths of family members who I don't really feel the need to be there aside from the familial obligation I'm reminded to observe. I thought Mak Uda's passing is gonna be one of those.

But the sadness is profound. I have a niggling, stinging pain in my chest whenever my mind decided to take a little stroll down memory lane. In fact I'm a little bit teary as I'm typing this. Or whenever I encountered a picture of her, which is very rare, although not estranged, it kinda reminds me how kind of far we've grown apart as a family. 

I have no beautiful tributes to write in your memory. I just wanna say that your passing pains me in a way I don't know how to explain and I pray that you're in a better place right now. 

And if I'm granted a wish right now, its to see you for one last time and hug you and kiss you and say how much we love you.

Sunday, January 01, 2017

2016 Wrap - Books

My short attention span and my obsession with new things means that I get tired of them fairly quickly (books, songs, food, people :P etc). I may have started a couple or more books which I never did finish thus could never be counted as 2016's reads.

So in come the eve of 2017 and the end of 2016. I was only at my third book and a half. Which is, well since I'm such an uptight, feels a little bit not OK. I remember talking from my five storey horse, declaring that I wanna finish at least four or five books per year, so no matter how sucky or without progress my life had been the previous year, I will have the sense that something was achieved. Some progresses, no matter how minor had been made. So three and a half feels a little bit like a failure and I need no such reminder that my life has been a relatively stark one at that. Well, no not really a failure per se, but for theatrical purposes lets just roll with it k ? Sheesh.

So a few months back I had started this book The Glass Palace. Seemingly innocent and captivating enough to get me started and actually hooked. But as is common with me, since berak is for me a really enjoyable experience and I kinda cherish them. One, for the obvious fact that you know, its berak. C'mon people. Secondly, I get to read them books I have stashed on the towel lines in the upstairs bathroom. But this is also the reason that it has taken me this long to finish this book. So yesterday, before 2016 breathed its last breath, I vowed to get me my fourth book to salvage what has been a well, now that I think about it, 2016 is actually an OK year for me. LOL. But yeah, to make it more OK than it has been towards me. I had to get my fourth no matter what. So I read basically half the book in just one day, give or take the same amount of pages that took me months to finish.I was like why the fuck is the book taking such a long time to end and right after I was done, on the cover it says 'a story of three generations' LOL.

Mental note: Should have pick a slimmer book next if the purpose was just to meet the quota. (Not taking away anything from the book though. It's fucking gorgeous!) 

So fuck my rambling self, here's a recap of 2016 reads. 


May 2017 be a kinder year, book wise :)