Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Last night's entry was a bleep. Hopefully nobody have read that. Hopefully.

So I tried to run this morning. Was targeting 20 minutes and fuck the kilometers involved. But at the 14-15th minutes the stinging pain, the very pain that made me stop running a year or two back came back again. Damn it is painful. Why is the pain not so noticeable when I was running around 7 to 8 kilometers in Putrajaya, and why does it always struck whenever I run in Puchong ?

Was it possibly caused by the track ? Yeah, Puchong's track I'm not really sure you could actually call it a track to be honest. I grumble whenever I see vehicles moving about the park, yeah again if it could be a park when its actually just the remnants of what's left of the park. The park is actually a carpark for vehicles whom the owners consisted of fishing junkies and lovebirds, not to mention its official statues as parking spots for surrounding neighborhood's residents.

But I digress, was the pain caused by the tracks, or was it because that I have company in Putrajaya, thus making the pain less obvious ? (you just have to hand it to human's psychological makeup. Takmau kena tinggal and feeling like a loser, your legs kept running even though they hurt like hell)

I gained 10 kilograms ever since the accident in 2011. Prior to that I could look like *** and it still wouldn't bother me that much because I know once I hit that treadmill, I'll revert to my old looks again. But this time around, OH MY GOD, I've tried almost everything (aside from jaga makan ofkos) - and when I say everything - I mean the variations of workouts. But they still don't really work. I'm aware of the fact that I'm 30 has possibly contributed, but I didn't know it was gonna be this hard.

I'm a runner and not being able to run makes me sad. And knowing that your legs look healthy but in reality, the insides are not. It kills me.

So the purpose of this entry is to remind me of what I am gonna say to the doctor. I am sick and tired of doctors finding out there's nothing wrong with my legs by looking at the X-Ray. Its time they do some thorough checking. Lucky me I have a sugar daddy named Prudential to pay all my treatments for me!


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Nanti Baru Aku Title Kan

It must have been hard to love me kan, Mak ?


Harapan yang firstborn ko akan pave the way for his brothers and sister. It never really took off. Hantar pegi SDAR (Sekolah Dato' Abdul Razak) - balik separuh jalan.

Harap that your firstborn boleh jadi Doktor. So that adik-adik yang lain could follow suit. For all the potentials, the talent yang aku ada, aku end up struggling at the shallow end of the cycle.

Pegi kolej sebab aku hell-bent kata aku nak jadi animator. This is my life. This is my principle. Konon. Ah. A wisdom of a 19 year old boy. Who thought he knew everything. Who thought he knew what he wanted.

Aku end up balik separuh jalan lagi bila things started to fall apart with my then best friend.

Kata Mak still teringat lagi kat telinga aku. "Tunggu la, kot-kot Yong boleh tolong masuk UiTM". And the stupid 19 year old cakap. No, this is my life. My principle. Haih. Can I slap that stupid kid tak ?

But then again, it wasn't all bad I guess. Throughout the journey of finding oneself, I discovered loads of things. Many an individual who I don't think I would have crossed path with, had my journey been a smooth sail instead of rocky stop-start.

It might sound like regret, which is partly true of course, but a regret with a pinch of thankfulness ? I dunno seriously.

Tapi tu la.

Aku bukan anak yang baik. Cakap Mak, kalau kata jarang nak denga, is an understatement. Kadang-kadang aku rasa SEBAB Mak aku cakap yang aku rasa aku somehow kena betah. Aku rasa kita semua ada sikit prejudice dekat parents kita (bless you if you don't!). The same stuff, kalau keluar dari mulut orang lain, kata Yong ke (big cousin who I'm closest with, who weirdly, happen to be Mak's childhood friend growing up). So the same stuff, kalau keluar dari mulut Yong akan nampak reasonable dan well constructed tapi bila dia datang dari Mak, dia akan nampak macam attack against your individuality.

Tapi memang pun. Make no mistake about it. Mak-mak memang macam tu. Its their innate motherly feelings, I guess, their first primal instinct is to protect their youngs from harm. Cuma more often than not dorang tak perasan that their overprotectiveness tu actually does more harm than good. Rasa nak sambung. Tapi match MU dah nak start.