Sunday, November 28, 2010


I'm not good at recording my feelings when I'm feeling good. But 7-1 scoreline just has to be mentioned and not to mention Berba at the heart of things again. 5 goals and was a tad unlucky to be denied a penalty, else he would have created history by being the only player to have scored 6 goals in a Premier League game.

And look he's smiling! lol

Friday, November 26, 2010

The Bimbo Post

Ergh why do you have to look so cute and adorable when I've decided to hate you ?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Am Elmotional & Am I Rusty

Tonight the heart swings heavy
Pendulum, this emotion springs uncertainty

Was never lost, as a matter of fact I only led Astray
To the near distant of Kingdom Far Far Away

This isn't rant its just raw emotion
The bruising sound when it beats me to Confusion

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Tah, Sebab Saya Suka.

A couple of new additions to the Blog. But most importantly, I like the above pix and I think I could enrich your dull lives by sharing it.

p/s: do tell me what DO you notice. (additions to the blog, obvious right ?)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rantings of Various Very Unorganized Thoughts.

A Painting Is More Than The Sum of Its Parts. (this is what was supposed to be the title. A quote from the movie Flipped)

The more used we are to each other the more I feel like I didn't know her enough. The more questions asked. And wow, InSecurity is creeping in. I've just realized it.

I've just gotten back from dropping her off dekat rumah dia. And a sudden melancholic sensation swept in. And seriously what the fuck ? More and more uncertainties surfaced and more questions than answers dangle the temple of my mind.

Then *tenenenenet*

Her SMS reads, OK I'll just vertically challenge the content : "Sorry of I blurted out something that bothers you.." or something like that.

Owe Em Gee. Did I look distant ? Ergh crap crap. I don't ever want to hint that persona to any of My Intended. Especially not her. Even conversations weren't that Haha-able. Sheesh what did I let slip.

But the SMS was all it takes. I'm feeling, guiltily, relieved. And now the clock is ticking faster towards me clinging to her every response in order to determine what I should feel. And th..

OK, that was Yan. Coming back from Ipoh. =) =) =) =) =) =)

Ok. Happy ? Not quite. As a matter of fact I felt for a couple of paused seconds, clueless of what / how to feel. I felt happy she's finally back from Ipoh. A tad melancholic because she's in the condition of having to brave the pain. And the even harder task of being so used to pain that she'd expect pain to surface at any moment's crack.

And there she was. She's losing weight at a very rapid a rate. Her arms both bony and scarred. Her jaw, I couldn't bear to look at her lower jaw. It makes me sad. My beautiful little sister is scarred and her jaw metal plated.


I have to somehow look strong. Or else, look away. But no I'm not about to. This is my sister and I helped getting her off the van. She was fidgeting. No she looked frantic. The expectation of pain surging all over her fragile body. That was all. But just looking at the frantic state she was in made so sad. I told her she was strong and God has tested her to this length for a reason. For one reason that she's reasonably strong. Strong enough to cope with it. And God is All Knowing.

This is a very unorganized thoughts, random, raw and naked I present to you for this has been a violent emotional roller coaster ride in the space of few hours.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Cold Souls

Just watched another movie and apparently there's a genre known as Dramatic Comedy. Well I tell you its so dramatically comedic that I was laughing my ass off once or twice in the space of around 2 hours. That funny.

Wasn't bad a movie but I was expecting a Will Ferrel-ish kind of comedy. But Paul Giamatti wasn't too bad either.

Woman character, talking, beautiful night showered by lights view, against the backdrop of George Washington Bridge.

: Its so nice to be here with you..

Paul *indifferent face*

: Lets go somewhere and have sex.

Hahahaha. The dude is just dry.

The whole dramatic comedic thinggy doesn't appeal much to me. But the idea, the concept of the movie itself isn't bad. In fact I find it pretty inspiring.

It was about a run-down actor, Paul Giamatti. But he's more of a stage actor if anything, so yea, he was having bad days at the office. Kept messing the dialogues up, fucking up everybody's rhythm.

He felt empty.

So to cut the story short, as with every adventure (and not to mention, cliche) a friend had to suggest something and how it was a huge success for one of his friends or relative.

Soul Storage.

The idea was to extract your soul, place it in a container. And from thereon its pretty much your choice. To develop a whole new soul of your own, get another soul - buy or rent it. The objective was to be happier, more purposeful in life. I find it rather intriguing. I mean to be able top extract your soul and get a look at it. That'd be damn. Right ?

And I forgot to mention that the extracted souls took various shape depending on how the person is. Paul's morphed into a chickpea-like substance. Wargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh. No wonder he refused to eat his meal of you guessed it - chickpea salad!

Wargh kargh kargh kargh kargh.

Good movie nonetheless. Not really my cup of tea, but still good movie. I mean we all have a point in life where we start questioning our belief and where has it taken us. And we cannot escape the feeling of emptiness. The only difference should be the frequency of recurrence. Frequent enough, you too should start flipping your Yellow Pages and browse for Soul Storage.
Her Bloody Clothes


When I saw the bundle of your bloody clothes, I feel guilty of even smiling. Smiling while you're braving raving pain all over your frail body.

I hope you're fine. I hope you're well. I can only pray. I know it shall never be adequate. Proof of my own incompleteness.

I hope you're fine. I hope you're well. I really do.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Just watched Flipped.

A beautifully narrated movie from 2 characters with VERY different perspectives. The cinematography of the movie just complements the whole beauty told in 700 megabytes.

I took a couple of likings in genres of movies I watched. The Sci-fi & fantasy(ies), The all guns blazing & shoot 'em all(s), zombie movies (lol) and the message-ly loaded & well substantiated -

The heavy ones.

Some of the movies that I have watched down the road that fall under this category are:

  • The Bucket List
  • Into The Wild

Flipped has all the ingredients I look for in Heavy movies.

  • Quotes
  • Beautiful cinematography
  • Colourful characters
  • The emotional elements
  • Wide, colourful skies

And the most important element - it made me dream. Takes me places, well literally. But movies watched in such fashion reminisced me of the more innocent yesteryears. Heightened the long I have for company. I've always dreamed of going places with My Intended and just watch the beauty of the world as she passed us by. Haven't had the luxury. But. =)

Sighs. Dreamer I am such.

I recommend it to anyone who is willing to sit down and contemplate. And oh by the way it was inspired by a novel of the same tittle. Lets hope you know how to type Google.

Disclaimer: Heavy, of which I'm referring to is purely of my own opinion. So its foolish on your part to assume that this is the generic Heavy that the industry and the masses' own ignorance refer to.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Adik.

This is a third time re-entry for this. For I keep dabbling on the backspace for each stuff I typed. For I think none is good enough for her. For her, I would want the sunniest metaphor to depict the brightness she wrapped us around with. She has always been the most frail amongst us. But she too has always been the bravest. Though I know for years, only the nights have had the privilege to be drizzled by her tears.

She has probed into some of the most less humane territories we chose to avoid and proving critics time and again that obstacles are made of some holographic projection of our brain cells to keep us safe, sheltered in the comfort of our norm. She braved them all and came not unscathed. But somehow stronger each time.

For her I would want to weave each and every syllable of a beautiful poem so that I could patch her patchy backdrop of painful early years.

For her I would trade blows and exchange knuckles if you ever were to choose to stand in her path. I couldn't help but be emotional in this entry for I know now how painful it is to be watching her writhing in stinging pain all over her fragile being.

And I finally realize just where she's placed in my heart.

Happy Birthday Norazyan Binti Ahmad.

I love you much. So much.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Kinda Feels Like Deja.

Kinda feeling, you know Deja Vu. Madly in love with someone. Fooling around with someone else. Maybe I will, maybe I wont. Shoot I almost lost count on the How Many's.

Your Intended.
Nota Kaki: Liyana Fizi is just damn. Inspiring. The urge to light write again. Thanx for the inspiration.

You know you found your Intended
When you struggle to craft mere words

You know you found your Intended
When you struggle to craft just those 3 words

You know you found your Intended
When its so hard to say "I've just farted.."

Saturday, November 06, 2010

"Will You Have 5 Kids With Me ?"

Its the combination between The Prick and The Chivalrous that create the magic. Too much niceties will only elevate you as far as a chauffeur goes. Too much Pricks and you'll come across as arrogant. And not to mention, InSecure.

And so yeah, I miss you. And me being a prick is as stretched as my attempts at 'I miss You'. For this has been the only way to communicate to My Intended that she is the one.

Am sure Yan would understand. For I feel a bit wrong in delving in my little rants with emotional stuffs while she is bedridden braving her pain. Yes, I love you Adik. And am sure you would understand.

Oh and on that note, "Will you marry me ?" is getting old faster than the speed at which the light travels.

So I'm thinking - "Will you have 5 kids with me ?" instead.

Monday, November 01, 2010

I Love You, Adik.

Apart from the compulsory adoration between siblings. I have always admired how she could have faced through what she had to in most of her early years. Up until the fight she had to brawl she faced off to ensure a place in her master study.

Health wise, she was always so fragile. I remember she used to need to carry her inhaler everywhere and there was one time our father had to take her to a clinic where she needed to be assisted with her breathing.

I wondered sometimes, how something so frail natured withstand the batterings of life. Despite the obvious difference in strength she was always the one looking composed and know what to do when times are not so kind. Sometimes its just like she was meant to be the first born. And its a statement supported by the fact that people had always mistaken me as her younger brother. And trust me that is not one bit flattering.

That's why it is so gut wrenching to see her struggle for a mere word.

"Air.." (water)

She was thirsty. God. I couldn't help but break.

Nil orally. She wouldn't, for quite sometime be fed and neither that she can drink. Not through her mouth at least.

My sister had a crushing accident. 8 out of the 10 passengers who were inside the van broke their legs. A few of them unconscious. Some still thought they're still in Penang. Yan was the hardest hit as she was the one driving. She broke her mandible and was quickly transferred to Ipoh's Tuanku Bainun Hospital from Manjung district hospital.

I kissed her forehead for a long time since I can remember. And realized how much I love her.