Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Korea Part 1 ?


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You enter those mode where you got all reminiscent. Ah, Korea. Lovely country. Lovely people :)

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Selamat Hari Jadi!

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Happy birthday buddy! Collage could have been better, I admit. Tapi aku sangat malas. Heheh. And I have to say that those pictures are, in retrospective, up there among the bestest experience we've had together. So cheers to you. Selamat Seratus Har- eh, Selamat Hari Jadi! :)

 Have a good one.

Monday, August 04, 2014

Its OK To Feel Broken

Nota Kaki: This was actually a piece done by Juliet Chase some orang puteh writer, that I translated, improvise and all that enchiladas, to give a more Malaysian feeling about it. (My new project yayyy!!!) Because I think it speaks to me on so many degrees and that I can so relate to it. So only right for me to share. Also, its my attempt to move away a little bit from my usual English pieces.

Its OK to feel broken.

Kita manusia. Kita rancang untuk benda yang terbaik. Kita tak berapa ready untuk yang terburuk. 

At some point in our lives, kadang-kadang ada benda yang terjadi yang tak terjangkal dek akal sejengkal kita. Tapi dia jadi. Dalam kita dok jaga. Dalam kita dok tatang. Dia jadi.

Sedih. Memang.

But things happen.

Takpe pun kalau kita rasa nak menangis. Rasa macam nak berkabung (ha!) dalam 2-3 hari. 2-3 minggu. Rasa macam nak kurung diri dalam bilik. Tekup muka atas bantal. Berlari dalam tangisan. Pick your poison. Do it. And its alright. Perfectly alright. Its all right NOT to be alright. 

Sekarang ulang dengan aku.

I am alright. And its alright NOT to be alright.

Takde masalah pun. Sebab eventually. Ko dengan aku tau, eventually this will all make sense. Dia akan OK. Everything will be OK. Bila tiba waktu dan masanya.

Apa yang tak OK bila ko terus menerus moody. 

Jauhkan diri dari orang. Jauhkan diri dari orang-orang yang genuinely ambil berat pasal ko.

Aku tau benda-benda ni berjagung (corny) gila. Terlalu klise. Tapi betapa ruginya la ko dok buang masa layan perasaan macam nie. Perasaan-perasaan yang eventually, cuma akan drag ko ke bawah. Ko manusia. Ko talented. Hebat. Awesome. Ko sebenarnya lagi power dari apa yang ko rasa, dari apa yang ko tau. Masalahnya, ramai dari kita yang taktau.

So bangun.

Kalau ko jatuh, bangun. Kalau ko tergelincir. Sapu lutut ko. Bersihkan muka ko. Sapu air mata kat muka ko. And bangun. Belum masa lagi untuk give up. You are one fine clay, awaiting only to be molded into that wonderful wonderful person you always wanted to be. So get working on the Person that you always picture yourself to be. 

YOU should be your own biggest project!

And be sure to be proud of the results, so that setiap pagi bila ko tengok cermin, ko bangga dengan apa yang ko nampak dalam cermin.

Alas, like every molded clays, its OK to be broken once in a while. Its OK to withdraw yourself from the hectic of the world once in a while. 

Cuma bila ko finally keluar dari 'kegelapan' tu, make sure ko jalan keluar dengan dada terdepang. Jauh lebih kuat. Jauh lebih matang dengan setiap kejatuhan. And most importantly, ko senyum!

Kesedihan ko buatkan ko lebih kuat dari orang lain. Jauh lebih kuat. 'Kegelapan' yang ko hadap sorang-sorang dalam malam-malam yang susah gila nak tido tu, tak bunuh ko, instead dia empower ko. Maybe tu advantage untuk orang yang penah lalui 'kegelapan' macam nie. 

Orang-orang yang 'Jatuh-Bangun-Semula' ni, dorang baik hati, kalau tolong orang tu, genuinely nak tolong. Dorang tak rasa perlu jatuhkan sesape untuk rasa diri dorang kat atas. Maybe sebab dorang personally tau macam mana rasanya bila kita rasa lemah. Bila kita rasa hopeless.

Apa sekali pun, aku nak cakap kat sini, cuma ko sorang je yang boleh buat macam tu. Family, kawan-kawan cuma boleh bagi support. Tapi kalau sendiri tak berdiri, takde sape boleh buat ko berlari.

Takpe pun kalau ko rasa nak menangis. Masuk bilik air. Flush the toilet and cry your eyeballs out. Cuma besok, bila ko bangun. Bediri tegak. Senyum. Pick your broken pieces and put them together again.

Appreciate orang yang amik berat pasal ko, discard orang yang jatuhkan ko. Love the people who was with you through thick and thin. Dan yang paling penting, sayang diri ko, for all your flaws, your imperfections. Love yourself. Because you are in every sense of the word, your own best friend.

And mungkin. Mungkin satu hari nanti, ko akan bangun - better, wiser and plenty stronger. And mungkin time tu ko akan sedar yang sebenarnya takde apa pun yang kurang dengan diri ko. 

Ko sebenarnya OK.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Thank YOU For Loving Me For All That I Am & Most Importantly For All That I Am NOT

I know I'm a hard person to love.

Grumpy, perenguih (perengus), buruk tabiat, buruk lantak. I'm far from what you may call sebijik epal dimataku ? (Apple of my eye lol).

I have my bad days and I have my slightly bad days. 80% tu bad days, another 20 are bad days that I somehow manage to salvage and luckily turn into a slightly cheerful ones.

To say that I have my faults is an understatement.

I bark at the slightest perceived (yes, perceived) confrontations. I got emotional during what you may call light discussions. With a face only a mother can love, I know I must have put her through a lot. The perseverance, the faith and the believe that I am somehow, more than the sum of my own faulty parts, sometimes just brought me close to tears.

But that's just me.

One minute I feel like crying over the fact that my mother has sacrificed A LOT for me during my years of ketidakgunaan. Dia still percaya yang aku boleh jadi berjenih (berjenis). Jadi orang. Jadi somebody. Someone yang berguna untuk agama, masyarakat dan bangsa. Or at the very least, tak jadi sampah yang menyusahkan orang.

So, one minute I feel like crying, thinking about what Mak has done for me. Seminit lepas tu aku boleh jerit dekat muka dia because I feel trippy over what she had said about how messy my room always seems to be. Its a seriously complex feelings that I have for her, I love her like no other person on earth and at the same time, she can and has a tendency to get on my last nerves. I mean I love her but.. lol.

Aku tau aku anak / abang / kawan / partner yang teruk.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving me for all that I am. And most of all..

Thank YOU for loving me, when I least deserve it.

- Fakhrol. 

p/s: Bajet ramai orang sayang la tu. Cis!

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Positivity Is As I Discover, Just A Padlock Away From Being Non-Existent

Hari ni start dengan positivity yang sangat tinggi. Positivity was practically oozing from me. Meleleh-leleh, kata orang Melayu.

Aku workout pagi nie. Tick.

Skipped breakfast and jump straight into lunch. Tick.

Lepas tu azan bunyi. Aku pun pegi la amik kopiah nak pegi masjid. And the padlock was still on! Aku memang dah lama berapi pasal padlock nie. Dah la kunci dia yang mana satu aku tak dapat nak determine. Kuncinya pulak kalau sikit satu hal. Ini termasuk dengan kunci kejayaan, ada dekat 358 anak kunci. Hangin gila.

So dalam kemarahan yang amat sangat aku masuk rumah balik and aku berak. Sambil baca buku.

And maybe I should start writing in my mother tongue. Should gain me some milage with the masses. Heheh. 

(Ko bajet ko best kan with that "Oh maybe I should start writing in my mother tongue" nyeh nyeh nyeh ?)

Bajet Inggeris. Cis.