Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Before Everything

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized

- Adele, When Were Young

This evokes so many emotions. 

To you. I know our separation could have been better handled and I am sorry that it ended the way it did. I wish you nothing but happiness.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

I'm Sorry

To the friends, to the budding relationships that never was and to the people I have disappointed over the years. 

This one is for you. 

For those who know me well enough to smell a whiff of my deodorant (or the lack of it) you would know that I revere Friday. Friday evening to be exact. That feeling after you get off work before the weekend is simply - fantastic is understating it. I wanna cram everything in Friday. Time with friends and people you love hanging out with. Movies. Series. Problem is you only have so many hours in a day. That is why whenever I get the honor to set a meet up between friends Friday night will be my primary choice after Saturday's. I love dumping all fun activities on that few hours I have after clocking off on Friday.

But some of my friends, they are not bothered with the fact that tomorrow's a working day hanging on their conscience (OK conscience is apparently not really appropriate, but lets just stick with it for the theatrical effects, shall we ?). They are cool with it. And I've known some who only choose a weekday to lepak and that seriously ticks me off.

I never really knew why. But with the help of articles I found online. I now know that I am a recluse. Again, an overshoot - an introvert, to be exact. I've known to be social. I can be outgoing. I'd like to think that people love hanging out with me. So the all the boxes are checked. So why ? A recent article I found online reveals that between intro and extroverts, there are a few subcategories, and thereon comes the third of this - The Hybrid.

Hybrids are good at hiding their introversion. I mean they hang out with people and they like to do all the fun stuffs that extroverts love to do. But we also love the smell of our room and the warmth of our blankets.

That is why sometimes my friends found themselves in a really awkward situation when hanging out with me. I mean I was another person altogether having a smoke and a cup of Teh Tarik at mamak stalls but I was this anxious prick when they chose to hang out at the wrong time and when they wanna hang out at my place. Especially when they wanna hang out at my place. I get really uneasy when someone enters my domain. Yeah of course some of the stuffs I got here, you wouldn't show to your girlfriend's parents and all. But that's only the small part of it. Like when they stay in my room, try as hard as I could laughing and giggling but 90% of the time all I think of is when is this person gonna leave.

I know I sound like a prick. But believe me, its not you, its me. I don't not like you any less just because I am displaying these prickly behaviors. Its just that I get anxious and I dunno what to do.

Please forgive me.

I remember another instance. Few really nice chaps, taking me under their tutelage. I was really taking a liking to them. We only started hanging out for a few months then. And these are very successful people, not some MLM crackpots who drive Kancils and wanna lecture me about wealth (Sorry this isn't a slight to any of you Kancil drivers. I'm a proud owner of one). I learn a lot just by hanging out with them - they were adding some serious values to my life. But these guys, they lepak almost every Sunday night at TTDI to rub salt to the wounds. I was slowly dreading these meetings and eventually I stopped showing up altogether. I knew some of them were disappointed, pissed off and everything. I know. And they have every right to. But I just don't know how to explain my conditions to the others. 

Because of that I have some very weird, undefined type of friendships over the years. You lepak with these dudes like everyday at one point in your life and all of a sudden you fade into oblivion. These people whenever I see them, either dunno how to act or we act like we are just friends who have mutual friends.

It makes me sad a little bit.

I'm sorry guys. I know. I suck. And you have every right to ignore me. Be pissed about it. Its OK. Expressing what I feel is not one of my virtue. 

So I ran like a little girl.

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Dear Mr. Van Gaal

Dear Mr. Van Gaal,

Hi. How are you doing ? I hope Manchester's balmy weather is treating you fine. I know this is just one of the hundreds and hundreds of letters you must have received on daily basis. But I want you to know that despite these onslaughts against you perpetrated by the medias, this fan from Malaysia have nothing but support for you. Its just quite sad that even some of our fans are buying into the medias bullying tactics. I think you're doing a mighty fine job and I hope you will stay your own man against all these odds and against all these naysayers saying how you should play so and so.

I know its tough to be your own man in the world increasingly demanding for conformity and I have nothing but the highest  respect for you for sticking to what you believe in.

Don't worry about some immature sections of the fans who would boo their own team. I'm sure those fans who went to away  matches in cold December night in Wolfsburg last night are right behind you, sir. The real fans. One of these days I would like to have an opportunity to support our team and breath in the legendary atmosphere of United's away matches myself.

United fan from Malaysia,


I want to send this letter to Mr. Van Gaal. And before I forgot the exact words of how I feel I think I should pin it somewhere. Yes, I am a master procrastinator. Hopefully I get to doing it first before my lazy by  nature nature caught me.

Note II: (before I forgot the address)

Mr. Louis Van Gaal
Manchester United Football Club Limited
Aon Training Complex
Birch Road off Isherwood Road
Carrington, Manchester M31 4BH