Saturday, March 24, 2018

Fat Journal 24 March 2018 - Milestone

Current weight: 66.9 kg

I finally hit the number 66 after a few months being more than 68 and over. Last I remember weighing 66 was I was back from Tasmania. Although that was an even number. I now weigh (as of this morning) 0.9 kg more.

It has been getting harder this thing with yesterday being the hardest by far. Mak cooked her never-disappoint chicken rendang and bubur jagung. I almost lost it I swear. I was like damnit why Mak ? Why ? And after me getting her to promise to never cook my favorite meals during this period and she did this! *insert crying emoji*

So yeah its getting fucking harder.

Shit, I remember being all excited before I start off last week. Now I know why I dread this shit so much in the first place. Coz it fucking sucks. The sugar craving. The cooking.

Damn. The cooking.

I'm enjoying the fact that with this diet regime I'm kinda forced to cook my own food and that somewhat gives me an insight to myself coz I never thought I had it. Well I don't had had it. Meals cooked by me are far from what you'd call nice even in moms' lazy days. But hey its edible and best of all is I know all the ingredients and I possess controls over its freshness.

Having to woke up somewhat early to prepare for the food is a fucking bother.

What else.

I know now I'm such a noob to actually be looking forward to this thing before I started last Monday. I was preoccupied with the destination and I fucking forgot that the journey is the hardest.

But I prevailed yesterday (and God was it hard, you dunno what its like to actually decline Mak's rendangs). So this looks, God willing, to be something I could persevere with. Something that I can at least see through the end (at least until I hit my ideal weight) or more. Something that I can actually finish for a while.

I'm a fucking starter but rarely do I finish.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Fat Journal 21 March 2018

Current weight: 68.5 kg

Started at 70.2 kilos on Monday (weekend weight lol) even though I mentioned 69 something during the first log.

Monday was all cream cheese day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Plus one 2 cup of decaf Nescafe (morning and night). 

I found out that Splenda is fucking superb. Not too much of an aftertaste like Stevia and definitely a lot sweeter.

Since first day was all cream cheese, naturally I had a craving yesterday and I swear I'll get that bread even if its the last thing I do. So as soon as I get home I roasted the flaxseed and couldn't find any patience in the process and thus I use a somewhat strong to moderate fires and my flaxseed smelt burnt. lol. But my sister tasted and she said its fine.

Then I get to grinding until it somewhat becomes something of a flour.

So the next thing is dough up the thing.

First try (yeah there's a second)

3 eggs
3 packs of splenda
15-17 gm of butter
A teaspoon of sodium bicarbonate
Half a spoon of vanilla essence
2-3 spoon of Psyllium husk

I was too lazy to bring down the oven and the airfyer was much too small for the mold I decided to use. So instead I put it in the microwave and since the microwave doesn't have any degree of control toward the temperature I decided to just go with it albeit using the same timing (22 minutes) suggested for oven cook.

Almost burned my mom's microwave. The whole house was covered in smokes. My God.

So I toss the pan and fry an egg sunny side up and wrap a cheese a la burito lah sangat pada hal frustrated that my first attempt at bread could seriously injure someone if thrown in high velocity. I could have hammered a nail with it.

So this around, the hunger pang somewhat subsided by my Burito Bodoh. I tried it, looking more properly this time.

Rupanya mamat yang tulis recipe tu ada bagi measurement but he left it at the end of his recipe. What a prick.

So this time around I tried it with a proper measurement

10 teaspoon of ground flaxseed (he suggested 16 but flat so I dunno)
4 eggs
15 gm of butter
A pinch of salt (tadi tak masuk punya lapaq tak perasan)
A teaspoon of vanilla essence
4 teaspoon of Psyllium husk
1 teaspoon of sodium bicarbonate
5 packs of splenda (he suggested 10 stevia but since splenda is splendid enough so yeah)

I put the dough in the magic pan and the result is quite satisfactory although it ended being somewhat sweet due to significant scent of the vanilla essence.

Next batch I will try to reduce the vanilla essence and play around with a little bit more salt and maybe bake the thing longer. ALSO, make it thinner its so fucking thick it barely fits the toaster.

Next: Salmon chapter. Too fucking lazy to type.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Fat Journal

Monday March 19, 2018 I will be starting my weight loss journey again. I currently weigh as of this morning 69.5 KG - an increase of 5.5 kilos from Raya. lol. Though unavoidable hospital admissions and ever increasing injuries have played a part - I have been pigging out like a - you guessed it, a Fakhrol.

So now I'm starting this again. 

Half Keto half Atkins.

If I manage to bring my weight down to 64 (ideally 63) I will get myself a Polaroid camera for my travels!

OK. Journal's first entry clocked.

Thursday, December 28, 2017


Because I'm stupid and I still miss you. Fuck. What a prelude to 2018.

Sunday, November 05, 2017

Dead Ends

2017's second book and we're right at her rear end and I'm still only on my second book. Boy have I been lazy.

Its a story about two boys, one's a smart but a hard-ass delinquent and the other, mentally challenged. As odd as pairing goes, these two boys manage to find more similarities than they would like to admit (well at least on the protagonist's side). 

To summarized: Boys with daddy issues.

God, I'm a fucking lazy bum.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

The Very Best

‎August ‎25, ‎2007 at Sue's engagement more than 10 years ago. Look at how innocent we were. Now you yourself are getting married. 

Take care Haq.

I wish you nothing but the best. The very best.

You lovely thing.

Saturday, July 01, 2017


You remind me of Tangerine from that movie with Jim Carrey in it. Damaged yet beautiful =)

Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Breaking away from someone isn't as straight forward as we want it to be. Deciding to walk away from the people that used to be so central in your life does not mean you do not miss them. At times unbearably so. So much so I found myself on more than an occasion, staring at your number or our chat window, struggling to stop myself from calling or texting you. 

You who came along and made everything seems like a breeze and walk away as freely. You who I didn't think in a million years would leave these much damage. You who I so sorely feel absence of. 

I miss you so much right now and the saddest part is you'll probably never know...

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Books 2017 - The Alpha Male

My first completed book in 2017 and my, was it an annoying read.

First off let me start by saying how disappointed I got when I discovered that the book is actually just a collection of short stories instead of one. Fine. I'll concede, not through anyone's fault but mine. But hey what the fuck right ? Short stories could be fun.

No. Wrong. Dead wrong,

I was kinda hooked with the first story since I didn't know it yet at that time that this was gonna be a short story, so it didn't matter that the character was a self absorbed has-been actor who thinks far too greatly of himself. He has an entire 100 pages or so to redeem himself or so I thought. After all I am a sucker for a good 'Pheonix rising' story.

But no. The character stayed his asshole self and I wasn't even compensated with a good ending. It ended abruptly like I hope does the author's career.

On to the next stories. As if it hasn't been already unbearable, the author decided to put a little bit of fantasy / dark comedy spin to his already annoying assemblage of lukewarm self important jackasses. Don't get wrong I already don't dig dark comedy but adding that kind of insult to injury is just plain nasty.

I have never been so mad at a character or a book but I hated the book and by extension the author and the only reason I have persevered is because I wanna finish what I started and I already have like 3-4 books I have started and dropped for a while, as is customary with me. So there you go. Nak type bagi habis nie pun malas. 

So screw the author I hope he never touches another pen again in his life.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

This Is How I Miss You

There is a place deep in the valleys
Hid by the mountains, white sheets of memories 

A place guarded by heart, hidden from sight hardened by the stones of melancholy. Should one wander far enough, stood once was a statue of You & Me.

You were a beautiful beautiful part of my life.

Thank you for being in it. No matter how brief it was.

You fantastic thing.