Thursday, December 28, 2017


Because I'm stupid and I still miss you. Fuck. What a prelude to 2018.

Sunday, November 05, 2017

Dead Ends

2017's second book and we're right at her rear end and I'm still only on my second book. Boy have I been lazy.

Its a story about two boys, one's a smart but a hard-ass delinquent and the other, mentally challenged. As odd as pairing goes, these two boys manage to find more similarities than they would like to admit (well at least on the protagonist's side). 

To summarized: Boys with daddy issues.

God, I'm a fucking lazy bum.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

The Very Best

‎August ‎25, ‎2007 at Sue's engagement more than 10 years ago. Look at how innocent we were. Now you yourself are getting married. 

Take care Haq.

I wish you nothing but the best. The very best.

You lovely thing.

Saturday, July 01, 2017


You remind me of Tangerine from that movie with Jim Carrey in it. Damaged yet beautiful =)

Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Breaking away from someone isn't as straight forward as we want it to be. Deciding to walk away from the people that used to be so central in your life does not mean you do not miss them. At times unbearably so. So much so I found myself on more than an occasion, staring at your number or our chat window, struggling to stop myself from calling or texting you. 

You who came along and made everything seems like a breeze and walk away as freely. You who I didn't think in a million years would leave these much damage. You who I so sorely feel absence of. 

I miss you so much right now and the saddest part is you'll probably never know...

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Books 2017 - The Alpha Male

My first completed book in 2017 and my, was it an annoying read.

First off let me start by saying how disappointed I got when I discovered that the book is actually just a collection of short stories instead of one. Fine. I'll concede, not through anyone's fault but mine. But hey what the fuck right ? Short stories could be fun.

No. Wrong. Dead wrong,

I was kinda hooked with the first story since I didn't know it yet at that time that this was gonna be a short story, so it didn't matter that the character was a self absorbed has-been actor who thinks far too greatly of himself. He has an entire 100 pages or so to redeem himself or so I thought. After all I am a sucker for a good 'Pheonix rising' story.

But no. The character stayed his asshole self and I wasn't even compensated with a good ending. It ended abruptly like I hope does the author's career.

On to the next stories. As if it hasn't been already unbearable, the author decided to put a little bit of fantasy / dark comedy spin to his already annoying assemblage of lukewarm self important jackasses. Don't get wrong I already don't dig dark comedy but adding that kind of insult to injury is just plain nasty.

I have never been so mad at a character or a book but I hated the book and by extension the author and the only reason I have persevered is because I wanna finish what I started and I already have like 3-4 books I have started and dropped for a while, as is customary with me. So there you go. Nak type bagi habis nie pun malas. 

So screw the author I hope he never touches another pen again in his life.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

This Is How I Miss You

There is a place deep in the valleys
Hid by the mountains, white sheets of memories 

A place guarded by heart, hidden from sight hardened by the stones of melancholy. Should one wander far enough, stood once was a statue of You & Me.

You were a beautiful beautiful part of my life.

Thank you for being in it. No matter how brief it was.

You fantastic thing.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

"Nothing Lasts Forever"

"You know what we should be ? Nothing. Because Nothing lasts forever!"

I care for the girl and all I manage to sound was like an asshole in what could probably our last encounter.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

"If You Were A Vegetable, You'd Be Cute-cumber!"

I said to you.

You with your trademarked pokerface. I love you for that. You know too much, only that shrug of your shoulders, your attempt at playing the fool, it didn't fool me. You're too smart not to know what you're doing.

I don't know why these little things, these tiny memories are creeping and drowning my thoughts right now. There's a gathering of lukewarm pearly beads crowding my vision.


I love you.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Cerita Kotey

I was pissed about some things just now and get to thinking:

"Apesal kotey takde mulut ? So, you don't have to listen to cerita kotey"

Oh, I miss my bouts of randomness.

Many happy returns,

Edit: You don't have to promise me the world. Just deliver on your promises. When you don't, and after speaking so poyo-ly, it really pisses me off. Lately incompetent nincompoops have been really pissing me off.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Friday, January 27, 2017

We Love You

Time. Death. Familial bond. 

Intricate concepts.

We weren't exactly close these past few years. She used to take me in to keep her youngest daughter company while we both were growing up. I was pretty close with Kak Na growing up. We used to be childhood play mates. I remember the little snitch planting fire crackers in a pile of cow dung only for it to prematurely explode and gotten my ass scolded and she escaped. Small chuckles on my lips when I remember that.

That's it.

Family expanding with marriages meant we kept to ourselves mostly. Not for the loss of love whatsoever. Its just that way.  If I'm honest there have been deaths of family members who I don't really feel the need to be there aside from the familial obligation I'm reminded to observe. I thought Mak Uda's passing is gonna be one of those.

But the sadness is profound. I have a niggling, stinging pain in my chest whenever my mind decided to take a little stroll down memory lane. In fact I'm a little bit teary as I'm typing this. Or whenever I encountered a picture of her, which is very rare, although not estranged, it kinda reminds me how kind of far we've grown apart as a family. 

I have no beautiful tributes to write in your memory. I just wanna say that your passing pains me in a way I don't know how to explain and I pray that you're in a better place right now. 

And if I'm granted a wish right now, its to see you for one last time and hug you and kiss you and say how much we love you.

Sunday, January 01, 2017

2016 Wrap - Books

My short attention span and my obsession with new things means that I get tired of them fairly quickly (books, songs, food, people :P etc). I may have started a couple or more books which I never did finish thus could never be counted as 2016's reads.

So in come the eve of 2017 and the end of 2016. I was only at my third book and a half. Which is, well since I'm such an uptight, feels a little bit not OK. I remember talking from my five storey horse, declaring that I wanna finish at least four or five books per year, so no matter how sucky or without progress my life had been the previous year, I will have the sense that something was achieved. Some progresses, no matter how minor had been made. So three and a half feels a little bit like a failure and I need no such reminder that my life has been a relatively stark one at that. Well, no not really a failure per se, but for theatrical purposes lets just roll with it k ? Sheesh.

So a few months back I had started this book The Glass Palace. Seemingly innocent and captivating enough to get me started and actually hooked. But as is common with me, since berak is for me a really enjoyable experience and I kinda cherish them. One, for the obvious fact that you know, its berak. C'mon people. Secondly, I get to read them books I have stashed on the towel lines in the upstairs bathroom. But this is also the reason that it has taken me this long to finish this book. So yesterday, before 2016 breathed its last breath, I vowed to get me my fourth book to salvage what has been a well, now that I think about it, 2016 is actually an OK year for me. LOL. But yeah, to make it more OK than it has been towards me. I had to get my fourth no matter what. So I read basically half the book in just one day, give or take the same amount of pages that took me months to finish.I was like why the fuck is the book taking such a long time to end and right after I was done, on the cover it says 'a story of three generations' LOL.

Mental note: Should have pick a slimmer book next if the purpose was just to meet the quota. (Not taking away anything from the book though. It's fucking gorgeous!) 

So fuck my rambling self, here's a recap of 2016 reads. 


May 2017 be a kinder year, book wise :)