Rantings of Various Very Unorganized Thoughts.

A Painting Is More Than The Sum of Its Parts. (this is what was supposed to be the title. A quote from the movie Flipped)

The more used we are to each other the more I feel like I didn't know her enough. The more questions asked. And wow, InSecurity is creeping in. I've just realized it.

I've just gotten back from dropping her off dekat rumah dia. And a sudden melancholic sensation swept in. And seriously what the fuck ? More and more uncertainties surfaced and more questions than answers dangle the temple of my mind.

Then *tenenenenet*

Her SMS reads, OK I'll just vertically challenge the content : "Sorry of I blurted out something that bothers you.." or something like that.

Owe Em Gee. Did I look distant ? Ergh crap crap. I don't ever want to hint that persona to any of My Intended. Especially not her. Even conversations weren't that Haha-able. Sheesh what did I let slip.

But the SMS was all it takes. I'm feeling, guiltily, relieved. And now the clock is ticking faster towards me clinging to her every response in order to determine what I should feel. And th..

OK, that was Yan. Coming back from Ipoh. =) =) =) =) =) =)

Ok. Happy ? Not quite. As a matter of fact I felt for a couple of paused seconds, clueless of what / how to feel. I felt happy she's finally back from Ipoh. A tad melancholic because she's in the condition of having to brave the pain. And the even harder task of being so used to pain that she'd expect pain to surface at any moment's crack.

And there she was. She's losing weight at a very rapid a rate. Her arms both bony and scarred. Her jaw, I couldn't bear to look at her lower jaw. It makes me sad. My beautiful little sister is scarred and her jaw metal plated.

Check.

I have to somehow look strong. Or else, look away. But no I'm not about to. This is my sister and I helped getting her off the van. She was fidgeting. No she looked frantic. The expectation of pain surging all over her fragile body. That was all. But just looking at the frantic state she was in made so sad. I told her she was strong and God has tested her to this length for a reason. For one reason that she's reasonably strong. Strong enough to cope with it. And God is All Knowing.

This is a very unorganized thoughts, random, raw and naked I present to you for this has been a violent emotional roller coaster ride in the space of few hours.