Bewildering

"Don't hurt women for they are frail, weak creature. Please stay off my girlfriend. I love her so much"

WHAT ?

That came out unexpected.

Oh, hi, its nice to see you too. Grumbled I, albeit to myself. Regained my composure. My breath controlled and calculated while my mind hectic, trying to connect the dots that were so suddenly thrown in my path. 

Oh, that.

Still.

WHAT THE FUCK ?

Me ? Harassing somebody else's girlfriend ? Well, that's good to fucken' know. Oh, fuck you anyways. Then please tell your girlfriend to not breath so close down my neck, literally. And while you're at it a leash wouldn't sound inhumane too.

So stay off me snowflake, for I am THE Evil itself, reincarnated.

Tet tenenenenet!

(:

.. and here I thought we'd already danced our last song together. Yes I've missed you.

She..

Chatted her up. Albeit online. 'I miss you sometimes' was replaced only with 'OK. Take care'.

Who am I fooling ? I've chosen to walk away and never look back. So that's that.

Though far as she may be, a second with her was all it takes for me to rekindle those ancient. folklores.

I hope in vain that she's the one, one day.

But who am I kidding ?

The Text Game.

Texted the 7. The 8.5 seems a No-Go. So lets go.

The MOST important thing is to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and sprint forth again - and again - and again.

"I hated every minute of training but I said don't quit, suffer now and live the rest of your life a Champion"

- Muhammad Ali

8.5

I number closed a 8.5. Still haven't come back to Reality yet. Farhah is the name. Lets see..

Randomly Strange, Strangely Random.

You know what women are so good at ? They make you guess till you split your head wide open. And you still don't get it.

Alif Ya Lam . Jim Sin . Ba Ya . Fa Ro' Ya Nun .

Yesterday. She texted. NMNC.

Paradox. Just Paradox -
Nota Kaki: How in the hell can someone be in love with someone but wishes to hate her all the same ?

I just couldn't see her. Again. It all falls back to the same pattern. Now I couldn't forget the smile. The carefree laughter, the adventurousness - and am sorry, the slight, unintentional, innocent touches. She's just damn good.

I avoided contacts for a few brief weeks, and now I'm not sure anymore.

I love you Goddamnit. I fuckin' love you. And thank God, I'm alive. This feeling. This urge tells me so.

I love you IMC.

The Bimbo Post

Ergh why do you have to look so cute and adorable when I've decided to hate you ?

I Am Elmotional & Am I Rusty

Tonight the heart swings heavy
Pendulum, this emotion springs uncertainty

Was never lost, as a matter of fact I only led Astray
To the near distant of Kingdom Far Far Away

This isn't rant its just raw emotion
The bruising sound when it beats me to Confusion

Rantings of Various Very Unorganized Thoughts.

A Painting Is More Than The Sum of Its Parts. (this is what was supposed to be the title. A quote from the movie Flipped)

The more used we are to each other the more I feel like I didn't know her enough. The more questions asked. And wow, InSecurity is creeping in. I've just realized it.

I've just gotten back from dropping her off dekat rumah dia. And a sudden melancholic sensation swept in. And seriously what the fuck ? More and more uncertainties surfaced and more questions than answers dangle the temple of my mind.

Then *tenenenenet*

Her SMS reads, OK I'll just vertically challenge the content : "Sorry of I blurted out something that bothers you.." or something like that.

Owe Em Gee. Did I look distant ? Ergh crap crap. I don't ever want to hint that persona to any of My Intended. Especially not her. Even conversations weren't that Haha-able. Sheesh what did I let slip.

But the SMS was all it takes. I'm feeling, guiltily, relieved. And now the clock is ticking faster towards me clinging to her every response in order to determine what I should feel. And th..

OK, that was Yan. Coming back from Ipoh. =) =) =) =) =) =)

Ok. Happy ? Not quite. As a matter of fact I felt for a couple of paused seconds, clueless of what / how to feel. I felt happy she's finally back from Ipoh. A tad melancholic because she's in the condition of having to brave the pain. And the even harder task of being so used to pain that she'd expect pain to surface at any moment's crack.

And there she was. She's losing weight at a very rapid a rate. Her arms both bony and scarred. Her jaw, I couldn't bear to look at her lower jaw. It makes me sad. My beautiful little sister is scarred and her jaw metal plated.

Check.

I have to somehow look strong. Or else, look away. But no I'm not about to. This is my sister and I helped getting her off the van. She was fidgeting. No she looked frantic. The expectation of pain surging all over her fragile body. That was all. But just looking at the frantic state she was in made so sad. I told her she was strong and God has tested her to this length for a reason. For one reason that she's reasonably strong. Strong enough to cope with it. And God is All Knowing.

This is a very unorganized thoughts, random, raw and naked I present to you for this has been a violent emotional roller coaster ride in the space of few hours.

Flipped.

Just watched Flipped.

A beautifully narrated movie from 2 characters with VERY different perspectives. The cinematography of the movie just complements the whole beauty told in 700 megabytes.

I took a couple of likings in genres of movies I watched. The Sci-fi & fantasy(ies), The all guns blazing & shoot 'em all(s), zombie movies (lol) and the message-ly loaded & well substantiated -

The heavy ones.

Some of the movies that I have watched down the road that fall under this category are:

• The Bucket List

• Into The Wild

Flipped has all the ingredients I look for in Heavy movies.

• Quotes

• Beautiful cinematography

• Colourful characters

• The emotional elements

• Wide, colourful skies

And the most important element - it made me dream. Takes me places, well literally. But movies watched in such fashion reminisced me of the more innocent yesteryears. Heightened the long I have for company. I've always dreamed of going places with My Intended and just watch the beauty of the world as she passed us by. Haven't had the luxury. But. =)

Sighs. Dreamer I am such.

I recommend it to anyone who is willing to sit down and contemplate. And oh by the way it was inspired by a novel of the same tittle. Lets hope you know how to type Google.

Disclaimer: Heavy, of which I'm referring to is purely of my own opinion. So its foolish on your part to assume that this is the generic Heavy that the industry and the masses' own ignorance refer to.

Kinda Feels Like Deja.

Kinda feeling, you know Deja Vu. Madly in love with someone. Fooling around with someone else. Maybe I will, maybe I wont. Shoot I almost lost count on the How Many's.

Sheesh

Your Intended.
Nota Kaki: Liyana Fizi is just damn. Inspiring. The urge to light write again. Thanx for the inspiration.

You know you found your Intended
When you struggle to craft mere words

You know you found your Intended
When you struggle to craft just those 3 words

You know you found your Intended
When its so hard to say "I've just farted.."

"Will You Have 5 Kids With Me ?"

Its the combination between The Prick and The Chivalrous that create the magic. Too much niceties will only elevate you as far as a chauffeur goes. Too much Pricks and you'll come across as arrogant. And not to mention, InSecure.

And so yeah, I miss you. And me being a prick is as stretched as my attempts at 'I miss You'. For this has been the only way to communicate to My Intended that she is the one.

Am sure Yan would understand. For I feel a bit wrong in delving in my little rants with emotional stuffs while she is bedridden braving her pain. Yes, I love you Adik. And am sure you would understand.

Oh and on that note, "Will you marry me ?" is getting old faster than the speed at which the light travels.

So I'm thinking - "Will you have 5 kids with me ?" instead.

Talking To Myself.

In pursuit of a more chameleon-ish, politically & socially irresistible personality. I am so afraid of losing the essence that made me who I am. The essence that got me celebrated as a non-celebrity. Can't be appreciated by all notwithstanding, I appreciate and love the way they do when they love me. They love that cocky, no-holds-barred asshole with punchlines and comebacks up his sleeve. Crass though he is, that's who he is. That's what made him - HIM.

And that was what was appreciated. And I love it.

But comes by a time when he realized that there was a hidden angle to this whole alter ego thing. And he decided to add yet another dimension to his personality's Tree of Life. He was this stuttering, self hating mofo who sweats whenever he met a stranger regardless of the social setup a couple years back. And he's now able to stand in front of a crowd, look them in the eyes - alas, with speech impediments here and there. Fumbling here and there. But hey who would've thought right ?

Cockiness and a mixture of funnies have done a great deal for me. Its not everyday that I win friends, there are some girls who still turn to the other cheek whenever I'm within a breathing radius. But trust me I've had some great times and people down the road, equipping myself with this newly found edge. For me, this game is whether you soar your ass up high or you fall down to the pit, straight into Dungeon Dragon. There's no middle ground.

Thus when I repel people, I'm doing a much better job than insect repellent a bug.

But that was back then. 5ive in a matter of a year or 2 was a feat I never thought I'd live to smell when I was thinking of marrying off a girl I'd force myself onto. Or in a more civic sense, rape, back then.

Hence I'm reminding myself to constantly remind myself of who I am. Who I really am. And what has taken me thus far. DO NOT ever dispel what have made me a happier man now. Its practically a process of moving it from the center of my universe to an integrated part of WHO I AM.

This was a reminder from Raizzen, The Cocky Asshole who's got this in-built craving to make the mockery out of your spluttering non-sense, to his new personality celestial body.

One Heck of A Week

It's been one hell of a week. In and out of the house like hotels. Open houses, back at working cubicle, partays. Loving it. As a matter of fact, was just back from a supposedly 'Syawal luncheon' from Cyberview Lodge in our very own Cyber city. What remnants of Syawal in the luncheon though is anybody's guess. Fun time though. Nice food. OK, seriously, niceeeeee food. It's been a while since I've complimented hotels on their food. Well not exactly because they weren't nice but for one thing, the taste has grown a tad too familiar.

Hence Cyberview has just worked my lazed taste buds. Thanx.

Well but the whole point of this entry is I miss her. Despite the many faces, despite the many laughters. Thank God for once, the feeling's real.

IMC. =)

Hello, Tis Frank Speaking.

This is Frank speaking. Who's there ? Well yea, frankly speaking I dont like the New Template too. Its too messy and unorganized for my likings. And I am so malas to clean it up. I expect a template that does the job on its own - a click away. So till I find a template that is able to furnish my, that request. I'll just shelve the idea for the moment. But of course from time to time I'll feel so gatal to get all experimental and violate my own blog's chastity.

On the other hand, well, it takes to two tangos. And my suggestive proposition and flirtations are well responded by her. Its rejoicing to know that all the fluid moves weren't actually a solitary tango. She was in rhythm and talem all along. Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes !

She actually know that I have someone to the point of knowing her profession. So what business that she has knowing what my used to be better half does for life ? Well of course :} :} :} :}

"No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"

Parts and parcels of being a Genius is having no equals to deliberate your audible thoughts, reason being, with chief suspect - a different wavelength. A very different one that separates you apart from the common masses.

Thus I can't help but feel so lonely at times. Not having anyone to really to talk to. Or worse, having one or two who'd retort back as soon as I part my lips sharing my tales, my grievance, my dreams.

Judgementalizing the whole process.

And when I say talk to, it means that I am friendless psycho who sits in solitary corners while people socializes themselves. And if you'd believe that I would advise you to lay some clothes on the floor so as not to burden ones who would wipe your shit off the floor once you've successfully hung yourself by the ceiling fan.

I digressed, but am tired of etiquette and all those goody goody advices for as far as I am concerned - "No good deeds goes unpunished."

Don't start telling me those, I invented them. And I've seen how some real twisted ideologies and gravity defying methods do wonders and taking me where I am (and am not yet finished). For nothing, yes am staking a huge bet here, NOTHING in this world is what it seems. You don't get what you wish for by being nice. And guys please, compliments wont be taking you any closer to her damned pants. And as far as cliches go, the jerks are the ones commandeering the higher floors of corporate ladders. Yet you wonder why all you see is shit coming from the top when assholes are calling the shots.

There, you have it. So save you rhetorics for you've seen nothing I have witnessed.

"Despite the many faces who passed through,
It was always You, I always do.."

Was inches away from scribing my thoughts to just realize that am pointless. The sharp tip that's always been a loyal companion when I am better off left alone. Indescribably melancholic. I drift the night away backing and forth, realizing the need to press on, but somehow felt short of having any idea on what to be pressed upon.

Why this ? And why now ?

The omnipresent urge to feel the gaping void. Not your everyday 'gaping void' for it is a humongous black hole that practically absorbs mental masturbations but with little to no indication of spluttering a belch. It is never satisfied. For I have no idea what I want nor how to want it so bad that it'd transcend to its physical counterpart. Everything have I ever dared dreamt about come and make their exits as fast they surface. I haven't grasped nor have I ever known the concept of getting what I want, and really want it that I'd push my limit to get it. Everything's been scripted and you're the hideous Phantom expected to swallow the roles assigned to you by the society.

Thus you're not expected to resist - blindfold your judgment and poke your intellect in the eye then embrace the VerDicks the society has been kind enough to mete you out.

And by the way don't bother trying to decipher any hidden propaganda or propagandist behind the eclipsed words for it takes no genius to figure out that when a man's crapping his pants the way that I'm treating you guys to now - a girl's hand's gotta be involved somewhere somehow something threesome and awesome. There, that, hopefully shall some up the whole piss.