Nanti Baru Aku Title Kan

It must have been hard to love me kan, Mak ?

Harapan. 

Harapan yang firstborn ko akan pave the way for his brothers and sister. It never really took off. Hantar pegi SDAR (Sekolah Dato' Abdul Razak) - balik separuh jalan.

Harap that your firstborn boleh jadi Doktor. So that adik-adik yang lain could follow suit. For all the potentials, the talent yang aku ada, aku end up struggling at the shallow end of the cycle.

Pegi kolej sebab aku hell-bent kata aku nak jadi animator. This is my life. This is my principle. Konon. Ah. A wisdom of a 19 year old boy. Who thought he knew everything. Who thought he knew what he wanted.

Aku end up balik separuh jalan lagi bila things started to fall apart with my then best friend.

Kata Mak still teringat lagi kat telinga aku. "Tunggu la, kot-kot Yong boleh tolong masuk UiTM". And the stupid 19 year old cakap. No, this is my life. My principle. Haih. Can I slap that stupid kid tak ?

But then again, it wasn't all bad I guess. Throughout the journey of finding oneself, I discovered loads of things. Many an individual who I don't think I would have crossed path with, had my journey been a smooth sail instead of rocky stop-start.

It might sound like regret, which is partly true of course, but a regret with a pinch of thankfulness ? I dunno seriously.

Tapi tu la.

Aku bukan anak yang baik. Cakap Mak, kalau kata jarang nak denga, is an understatement. Kadang-kadang aku rasa SEBAB Mak aku cakap yang aku rasa aku somehow kena betah. Aku rasa kita semua ada sikit prejudice dekat parents kita (bless you if you don't!). The same stuff, kalau keluar dari mulut orang lain, kata Yong ke (big cousin who I'm closest with, who weirdly, happen to be Mak's childhood friend growing up). So the same stuff, kalau keluar dari mulut Yong akan nampak reasonable dan well constructed tapi bila dia datang dari Mak, dia akan nampak macam attack against your individuality.

Tapi memang pun. Make no mistake about it. Mak-mak memang macam tu. Its their innate motherly feelings, I guess, their first primal instinct is to protect their youngs from harm. Cuma more often than not dorang tak perasan that their overprotectiveness tu actually does more harm than good. Rasa nak sambung. Tapi match MU dah nak start.

Kbai.

Paris, The Dream

Here's one good reason why I thought Paris is such a dreamy place..

Nothing good comes out of staying up past the normal hours. I heard Ted told his kids in How I Met Your Mother.

So here's a list of crazy things, well they are not necessarily crazy per se, just the impulsiveness of the thoughts, they make me think of well doing it right away. So here's a list of crazy things I thought I should do right away while forcing my eyelids not to shut. (I am EXHAUSTED yet I refuse to sleep for I am stingy with my times. Esp. late at night)

Say, withdraw whatever amount of money I have right now in my saving anywhere, Tabung Haji, Maybank whatever, and just go to England and hit any match, I mean any match that is currently being held in the Old Trafford. And I would ask / force / threaten Kurik to come and watch United with me regardless of how disgusted he is with United.

Or.

Just draw as much money as I can get and just backpack to Paris. Put on some winter coats and a scarf (the fashionable manly ones!) around my neck. A pair of cheap sunglasses to go then play tourist around the city and find hidden angles around the city that I can view THE Eiffel Tower from and shamelessly snap loads and loads of selfies that is backdropped by the majesty of the tower. The romance.

Or.

That I should quit my job right away and become a very successful miniature Star Wars figurine trader. I know how people love these stuffs. What I dunno and what I carefully chose not to know is how hard it is to make them or where will I get 'em. Fuck it. Not stopping me from dreaming anyways.

And really I really really need to sleep right now.

:)

Today, while waiting for Wan to get over with his endless registration procedures, I met an old friend whom I haven't met since 2001 - the year that we took our SPM, albeit not together like we were supposed to. I just couldn't hide the delight of seeing a face who I once shared the same pillows and the same dreams, so to speak. I hugged the dude. Well fret not coz it took me by the name Surprise too. But hey this is Godop afterall. He remains till this day one of the bestest friend I ever had the chance to have. So yeah..

We've both had our fair shares of dillies and dallies and I'm glad to say that even after all these years we could still laugh at the same corny jokes that used to tickle our bellies, back when we had the luxury to see the world with a little bit more enthusiastic optimism.