Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts

Friday, June 12, 2020

2:58 AM Thoughts


So I stumbled upon this quote on Tinder: Do better. Be better.

Here I am. Sleepy but resisting against a snoozefest. So here I am, wondering to myself, if the quote was actually designed to tell someone to basically go fuck himself, but nicely.

I mean the author literally told us to do Better. Okay now, off to go find myself an improvement.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Tidak Bertajuk


Wow.

I just realized that it's been more than two years since my last entry.

I've been meaning to come back but the saturation of self-validating channels through social medias means blogging are one of those things future grandparents will tell their future grand-kids they used to do when they were young somewhere in the near future. Probably in a highly glorified fashion. And the grand-kids would probably think it's a less intricate form of Tik-Toking. 

Anyways.

I actually intended to write about P. Ramlee. One of my heroes. My heart shreds in a thousand stinging shards whenever I stumble upon his pictures. His struggles and the injustice as well as the despicable way he was treated by the very people he was fighting for. 

But as a man who primarily rely on emotions (and a sense of panic) to get things moving, I would be lying to myself if I go ahead and write it because I just don't feel it. Not like just now.

Articulating the loudness of my inner monologues has a tendency to put things into perspective therefore logical conclusions is no longer a journey I aspire to make but a destination I've already arrive to.

Writers (or just me ? lol) don't write using our heads. We write using our hearts.

Edit: It's been 47 years since THE One & Only left us. Let us recite our Fatihah for the Arwah whenever we come across his stories or his work :(

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Cerita Kotey


I was pissed about some things just now and get to thinking:

"Apesal kotey takde mulut ? So, you don't have to listen to cerita kotey"

Oh, I miss my bouts of randomness.

Many happy returns,
Fakhrol

Edit: You don't have to promise me the world. Just deliver on your promises. When you don't, and after speaking so poyo-ly, it really pisses me off. Lately incompetent nincompoops have been really pissing me off.


Monday, August 08, 2016

My Ship Couldn't Dock

There's a wall in front of me
But you know me. I'm fucking lazy.

Looking for the will to climb and I haven't found it
So instead I look for ways to go around it.

A wall made of tall so long a line, the end I couldn't fine.
So left I am in contemplation if this is all in my mind ?

Brilliance is the destination I sailed to but my ship couldn't dock
Is this what they meant when they mentioned a writer's block ?

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Viva la Revolución!

After a couple of weeks of living like reclusive hobo battling last minutes assignments and a truckload of, semester worth of formulas in one night, I can finally see the rays of sun shining through my bedroom window again. I am finally ready to rejoin the human population.


So here's a few things I plan to do today:

1. Clean my room
2. Clean the hamsters' room
3. Workout
4. Assemble some Gundam backlog

But.

I will probably do none of those things and instead, will sit on my ass daydreaming about stuffs and toys I wanna buy next but will probably end up buying tomorrow. And I will probably plan about planning things I wanna plan next.

Viva la Revolución!


Thursday, April 16, 2015

PKR Dungu

Heheh. Am still up because tomorrow there's a paper called Banking Operation which basically is just non stop tirades about banking activities in Malaysia from the fixed depo sampai la MIDF. Just to belagak and show off terms I just come to know after 3 to 4 months worth of semester :D

I've covered pretty much 3.5 - 4 past year paper. So now am feeling all confident. Bajet boleh lepas. In Sha Allah. Will cover a little bit more I guess but now my tummy is drumming war songs and I think Megi would be the most viable source of energy but I have been quite strict with my nocturnal diet of late, limiting mouth exercises to only one fruit worth of carb per night. Malam ni langgar habis dah sebab Mak masak dalca kari terbaik dari ladang. But I figure its OK since I'll be up until late. Who knew when you're 'up until late' you get into another cycle of hungriness.

Btw the title of the post is totally unrelated. Anyway I have been seething against PKR for quite some time now but lately I think they're getting dumber and dumber. Kalau dah bodoh. Research results dengan personal opinion pun tak boleh nak beza. Heheh.

Ingat nak reply je tadi but since I have promised myself to stop these petty campaigns against the tak-boleh-diselamatkan I'll just post it in my blog then. My personal blog. My personal opinion.




Monday, April 13, 2015

Earth To Fakhrol



This here is another vicious cycle of lazi-ass-ness. 

I have been too preoccupied with the preparations of my examinations. Therefore, high intensity workout just will not do since it taxes too much of energy for me to even stay awake during the burning of the midnight oil. I am fucking tired. Even now I can still feel the weariness, residue of mentally and physically going all out. Alas, the fate of last minute study warriors. A spent force. But you still have to keep going.

I NEED to do it today and tomorrow if I were to follow my meticulously-lah-sangat planned workout schedule.

But as always. I hate it. I dread every fucking minute of it.

But the Positive Fakhrol keeps reminding me that I can edit this post after.

I guess that helps a little bit. Knowing that you can journalize the experience. Both the resenting of the workout and the feeling of doing it anyway. 

I'll see you in 30 minutes time. Or another 3 years, if procrastination got in the way.

Go go Last Minute Study Warrior!

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Talking To Myself

Me: God I hate working out. 

This is the exact fear that I had before restarting with this high intensity training. I know that the first few weeks I will be doing fine and it will all look up and maybe I will even entertain the thoughts of me being consistent with a workout regime. 

Three weeks into the (basically) new fitness regime. 

The same thing. This familiar, dreadful feeling. 

First I put it off, dari lepas balik office ke lepas maghrib. Now its 9.13 PM and I still haven't started anything yet. 

I hate it I hate I hate it.

Fakhrol Yang Positif : OK, as a bonus. I'll let you edit this post when you're done with the workout. 

Me: Why would I want that ? Pfft

Edit: Whoever the fuck said that its gonna get easier with every workout is a damn fucking liar. I did it. 20 minutes of hellish hell. If people see me they're going to think that my shirt was soaked in sweat when its actually made of 95.6% unadulterated tears. - MFA

Sunday, April 05, 2015

Save Moi

Gosh I really need to curb down my spending on these 'hobby' craps. Every time I see a Tamiya or a Gundam ad I have this uncontrollable urge to click click click. But I just.....

Its one of those things you've had to hold yourself from when you were a kid. You want this and you want that and you can never really have it because it was not financially prudent for your family to trade a plate of nasik goreng so that you can have an Ultraman figure, so to speak. My family's not exactly 'poor' poor but we aren't rich either. My father used to drive a cab back then aside from his post office job (yeah, I never knew what he really did in his younger days in Pejabat POS, when I asked he said he never was a postman but rather he delivers letters by vans, but lets just keep that part for another day) and my mom worked as an information assistant at our old, beloved airport Terminal 1. I think its safe to say that we were the perfect example of a lower middle class family during those glorious booming Malaysian economics.

I remember one day I saw an Ultraman figure I think it was RM 6.00 or RM 12.00. So I never really get my way during those days and you've learnt to just accept that your family can never really afford it (or can they ? I guess I'll never know) so you just ask once and you're 99% sure its never going to be affirmative but you asked anyway. But where I went to school from my standard one to five in Kampung Tunku, PJ (1991-1995) the brats there were made of mostly upper mid to upper class income families and I've heard stories from my friends if they would have just stood their ground, eventually their parents would give in and buy them those toys they want, just to get them away from the toy shelves. And so I did. Not only that it didn't work, I was a little embarrassed that my father would scold me there and then. Adoi malunya. That was the first and last time I ever tried to pull those rich kids tactic. Tahi la. Dengan family aku tak jadi punya!

So when you're working and these things from your olden days, things you once had but was too stupid to hold on to and somehow damaged it beyond repair, things you totally had no idea what happen to. And most importantly things you MAY NEVER HAVE in your capacity as a kid back then. So when these things appear right before your eyes and you know, now, though not filthy rich, it is still within your financial capacity to get, mata jadi buntaq semua nampak semua nak. Homaigod its so not healthy. Yesterday I resolved to control my spending more and right after I bukak Instagram this bugger said in his ads "The last of the Hublot wristwatch stock. Lepas nie tak restock dah" and despite the years in you, you get influenced by these things. So despite my staunch resolution to curb down my spending to only planned stuffs and essentials. I went ahead and contacted the seller and bought the wristwatch. 

I whispered to myself "The last wants spending for the month" and bukak FB nampak orang jual Tamiya yang memang ada dalam mental wishlist. I straight away went and private messaged him. 

Though all these spending have got to do with my uncapped desires and wants, one of the truer reason I click click click at all these ads are the fear that they will forever disappear in the market hence I lost the chance to hold a piece of that beautiful childhood era forever. Wow that somehow came out pretty poetic.

To wrap, yeap I really need to curb down these spending sprees by:

1. Narrowing them down to planned purchases ONLY. Never settle. If the item is not reachable at the moment. Leave. Don't get a compensatory, slightly similar product just to console my buying urge because I'll end up getting what I originally want eventually. Sometimes paying bloated prices. Fuck!

2. Realize that these things, despite its ages, are available. ALWAYS. You just have to know where to look and the budget. By running rampant with my finance I blow away the money that could have been put aside for the original stuffs therefore I end up getting more secondary stuffs which are of course a welcome but not the wanted destination.

I guess break ups really bring out the nerd-ism in all of us. Gundams. Star Wars. Batman. Tamiya. And I wanna have all of 'em. 

Somebody save me.


Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Drifting

The extend of the boredom.

Bleh.

Hi. Hello. Am 31. Officially. The passing of being in the 20's to the 30's used to suck. But now am 31. And here's a perspective. In 9 years, I'll be in the same age as those Hollywood movie characters who dreads being 40 and looking back at life asking to himself "What the fuck have I done with my life ?" Its all a little bit cliche. But that's a perspective alrite. 

I'm drifting. And I know it. But I let it anyway. There's no boom. There's no bang. Life is just too quiet. Fuck, am getting old. And its a dreadful feeling. Not dreadful in a bad kind of way. Its just dreadfully boring. The highlight of my weeks now are United matches, and they are if I am honest, gawdawful.

I feel like the best of my years have gone passed and I didn't even know.

And its kinda sad.

/drifting

p/s: Happy birthday, Fakhrol. You darn beautiful thing you.

p/s/s: Oh hey look who's back. Its the Positve Me!

p/s/s/s: I must look like a lunatic now. Pulling a monologue like that. Thank God nobody's reading     -_-'

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

I Don't Wish This To My Worst Enemy

If I could say so, I was once, sort of a staunch Anwar supporter. But after his theatricals and stupid antics. I start questioning whether or not he is the man for the job to lead a healthy opposition for Malaysia. And a developed country does not require a good opposition. They NEED it.

The negative connotation of the word 'Pembangkang' had left some good section of Malaysians naively making them the bad guys. There's no bad or good guys in politics. Or at least it shouldn't be. Both the government and opposition members are the elected members of the parliament who should be representing the rakyats for the rakyats. So whatever difference they have in the parliament - say I may not agree on A and he might not agree on B. But we both must agree that both A & B are conceived solely for the good of rakyat in mind.

But what happen in Malaysia ?

Political persecution isn't just unhealthy. It's selfish.

Kau marah aku sebab aku kata kau rasuah. Then buktikan la yang kau tak rasuah. Ini tak. Aku kata kau rasuah ko tangkap aku.

And before we go any further, we must also acknowledge that our opposition is far from perfect. They love to get into petty squabbles and cakap pakai mikrofon benda-benda yang boleh cakap kat telefon.

But for all their imperfection. They are OUR opposition. Even though bodoh & naive at times, I'd like to think that opposition works for the betterment of the rakyats. And what do these people dapat pun in return of their loud mouthed approach. Only scorns from the very people they are trying fight for.

Again. I don't intend to make our opposition sounds babyish, silky white with delicate wings on their backs. They're NOT.

But all the more reason to ponder my next point:

An honest government has got nothing to fear from such a shamble of an opposition. Kalau ko baik, ko tak payah risau pun tahi-tahi yang orang baling tu akan lekat dekat baju ko.

So why then, I ask - the political persecution ?

If we are targeting homos now, should we start sweeping just around KL ? Gays don't fucking hide nowadays. Some people doesn't have any qualms to mengaku dorang gay. But this guy, against all odds, after all denials. The charges still stick.

But. Ah lantak la. Am getting to the point.

 photo 10690149_10153207572096840_5105977781672511073_n_zpsqchzi3rt.jpg

Gambar kat atas ni sebenarnya point aku. Sorry I took like 538,000 words just to arrive to a single point. Gambar kat atas nie sebenarnya buat aku sangat sebak. Apa dosa wanita-wanita nie kita pisahkan depa dari bapak depa ? Isteri yang kehilangan suami. Anak-anak yang kehilangan bapak. Cucu yang kehilangan tokwan. 

And most importantly.. *sighs*

Seorang lelaki berumur yang kehilangan segalanya.

Apa jadah nak jadi dengan kita nie. And kalau kita redha dengan benda-benda macam nie.

Anwar had his faults. And aku makin meluat lepas Selangor MB punya fiasco. But.

NOBODY deserves this.

And orang kata kalau betul dia buat. Apa yang betulnya ? Kita bukan dakwa dia dekat mahkamah syariah. Mahkamah syariah requires saksi-saksi yang cukup syaratnya. And kalau orang tu tak mengaku sampai sudah, ada cara lain pulak.

Ni mahkamah manusia bos. Kalau pure syariah court yang hukum dia and he's found guilty then let him rot in jail for the entirety of his age. Tapi kalau mahkamah manusia nie, hearsay. Aku kata ko buat. Ko kata aku buat. And ada pulak orang ketiga yang kata "Hrm, OK memang ko salah"

Baiklah.

Panjangnya aku mengomel.

Takpelah. Mahkamah manusia ada. Mahkamah Tuhan lagi power. Kalaulah, ditakdirkan beliau tak buat seperti apa yang dituduh. Maka jawablah esok dengan yang Maha Kuasa. Air mata isteri, air mata anak-anak. Tangisan cucu. And mostly dosa-dosa orang yang terlibat secara tak langsung kalau mereka mengiyakan atau memadankan muka si yang teraniaya.

Tah la mungkin aku berat sebelah sebab political inclination aku. Tapi bukan ini caranya kita buat dekat orang. I don't wish for this to happen to my worst enemy.

Saturday, February 07, 2015

Besok Kelas & Aku Rasa Nak Ponteng Lagi Post

50 tahun lebih dah merdeka. And we're still asking sapa lagi racist. Cina ke Melayu. Kalaulah Malaysia ni sebuah company, and aku seorang funder, I would say the management bottom-up semua fail. 50 tahun lebih aku dok pump duit untuk jadikan organisasi nie sebuah organisasi yang berjaya. But we fail at the MOST ELEMENTARY level of asking. Racial harmony 2-3 tahun nie had only worsen. I guess it's been there all along its just that Facebook makes it easier for everybody to unleash their racial demons with minimal to no concerns about reprimands. 

So tak payah nak start dengan bangunan, PTPTN mahupun universitas-universitas yang dibina oleh kerajaan tersebut. Sebab macam aku cakap tadi, kalau Malaysia nie sebuah organisasi - aku EXPECT the most basic thing macam education, health et cetera akan ada. Cuma bila dah dekat 50 tahun dia ada, aku akan expect progress, improvements et cetera.

Memang saya tak reti nak memerintah. Saya tak pernah kata pun saya pandai memerintah. Tapi politikus-politikus nie masuk bertanding dalam pilihanraya, pastilah mereka nie semua sangat well versed dalam hal memerintah ni, bukan ? So kalau David Moyes of Manchester United akan di judge dari segi performance team yang beliau pilih, so do our ministers right ? We should stop with the archaic tradition of blind loyalty towards the ones who walk within the corridors of power. Dorang manusia. Made of flesh and blood and just like us. And just like us, these people are not perfect. And jangan start dengan maksum. Aku rasa nak tergelak. Hahah.












I am but a keyboard warrior.

An armchair general.

But at the very least, couldn't I ask more for our people ?

Thursday, January 29, 2015

My Guilty Pleasure

I should really stop this bad habit of arguing on the internet. Its so childish and petty its embarrassing. On top of that Facebook have this setting that might as well just yell out loud what colour of panties you're wearing (not that am wearing any, mind you). The setting which allows just about the whole world to fucking know what the fuck are you losing your mind over.

Case in point where there was this dumb orang puteh twat who apparently doesn't have the mental capacity to grasp the simple concept of sarcasm came and attack me on my own timeline. lol. I mean seriously dude what the fuck. Grow the fuck up. Well I was planning to share what the so called 'insult' was - but it makes me blush to even say it out loud. Lets just say that Aisyah, my niece could have insulted me better.

But more to the point, STOP ARGUING OVER THE INTERNET saiko!!! Because your FRIENDS know. Everybody DOES!!!!

And mostly because - and I quote "arguing over the internet is like paralympic, even if you win you're still retarded". 

Shit. That was unnecessarily mean but truth all the same.

But again, I'm only human and I like to live dangerously. Just like I'd like to resume my morning nap while the clock hits 7.45 a.m on weekdays, my blood just boils over these supposedly unnecessary gibberish.

So. My advise would be.


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Laziness: A Disease

Malasnya nak workout. I wanna relax and enjoy the cuti je. Boleh tak ? Lepas tu makan all the junk foods in the world. Lepas tu tido covered in the blacks of Oreo.

So I head down to my good friend's Pinterest, to find some pinspiration.

But the only think I manage to find is this:

 photo a0b0da690b6584d357057eabef381870_zpscdaf0376.jpg

What a friend you are Pinterest.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

"I Might As Well PLEDGE A Police Report"

Day after day I have less and less respect for beautiful girls. The prettier they are the dumber they usually come. Sorry no offense. (None taken ?) Well am sure the readers of my blog are the exception to the rule.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Sometimes

Sometimes I got so pissed at some idiot but then I forgave her boobs.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Me & My Impatience

Sometimes I wish I can just talk to that 15 year old boy and tell him SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. Why the fuck are you rushing to grow up. But of course. Sighs.

Me and my impatience.

Dapat henfon dari Jepun. Tapi sim card tak boleh masuk. So I Googled the fuck out of Internet to find a QUICK solution. I Googled stuffs back in stone age. Where they have this device yang ada wayar-wayar yang if I'm honest to God, nampak langsung tak convincing. But I didn't care. Because I wanna use the phone that I just got. And I wanna use it NOW. Aku cari dan cari dan cari. If I can find a way to cut the sim card I would do it. Tapi aku taktau susur galur, wiring sim card tu, kang kalau guna gunting, I wouldn't know what I cut and what I preserve. 

End up rupanya phone zaman sekarang semua pakai jenis simcard baru, dorang panggil Micro ke mini simcard. Pfftt. So malam tu jugak, around 9 PM macam tu, aku terus start kereta pegi IOI Mall. Pegi counter Celcom. And da! Dah boleh pakai. Beli that micro simcard for 5 bucks. Lepas dah baya and tersengih macam haram, baru aku find out yang MEMANG ACTUALLY BOLEH POTONG SIMCARD tu. They have a mechanical device for that.

WTF !@#$%^&*(

But for me and my impatience.

Dulu-dulu time nak kurus, I worked out through severe injuries and fevers and ended up melepek kat atas katil seminggu langsung tak boleh buat apa. Because why ? I am an impatien m**********.

And cerita nak kurus nie, over the past few years badan naik macam apa balik semula. Ever since that fateful accident. So in my own definition and in my own limitation, I have been working kinda hard to shed all these lemak. So despite baru keluar klinik gigi UiTM lepas extract a few gigi geraham. Yes a few. Aku rasa sakit gila **** nak mampus. The blood kept on running even after a few hours of biting hard at the gauze.

But you know what, sehari lepas tu aku berlari-lari kat atas elliptical machine dalam bilik aku. Because why kids ? That's right. Because I'm an impatient mofo.

By this time I should have known that it is OK to take your time, it is OK to go two steps back. What matters is that you ARRIVE.

Now because of my stupid impatience, I will have to cuti again before I can go into any serious workout. I should have learnt long ago that nothing good comes out of my impatience. If anything, it'll make things worse. And for sure, it blows right on my face again.

And being me, I know. It's just a matter of time before I go and langgar tembok dulu and ask questions later. I'm just that one mofo yang bila aku nak something. Aku nak sekarang. Sukar bagi aku untuk terima the fact that aku kena tunggu. For better of for worse. Aku nak sekarang.

And for that, I have. Almost always paid a hefty hefty price.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Thank YOU For Loving Me For All That I Am & Most Importantly For All That I Am NOT

I know I'm a hard person to love.

Grumpy, perenguih (perengus), buruk tabiat, buruk lantak. I'm far from what you may call sebijik epal dimataku ? (Apple of my eye lol).

I have my bad days and I have my slightly bad days. 80% tu bad days, another 20 are bad days that I somehow manage to salvage and luckily turn into a slightly cheerful ones.

To say that I have my faults is an understatement.

I bark at the slightest perceived (yes, perceived) confrontations. I got emotional during what you may call light discussions. With a face only a mother can love, I know I must have put her through a lot. The perseverance, the faith and the believe that I am somehow, more than the sum of my own faulty parts, sometimes just brought me close to tears.

But that's just me.

One minute I feel like crying over the fact that my mother has sacrificed A LOT for me during my years of ketidakgunaan. Dia still percaya yang aku boleh jadi berjenih (berjenis). Jadi orang. Jadi somebody. Someone yang berguna untuk agama, masyarakat dan bangsa. Or at the very least, tak jadi sampah yang menyusahkan orang.

So, one minute I feel like crying, thinking about what Mak has done for me. Seminit lepas tu aku boleh jerit dekat muka dia because I feel trippy over what she had said about how messy my room always seems to be. Its a seriously complex feelings that I have for her, I love her like no other person on earth and at the same time, she can and has a tendency to get on my last nerves. I mean I love her but.. lol.

Aku tau aku anak / abang / kawan / partner yang teruk.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving me for all that I am. And most of all..

Thank YOU for loving me, when I least deserve it.

- Fakhrol. 

p/s: Bajet ramai orang sayang la tu. Cis!

Saturday, August 02, 2014

Positivity Is As I Discover, Just A Padlock Away From Being Non-Existent

Hari ni start dengan positivity yang sangat tinggi. Positivity was practically oozing from me. Meleleh-leleh, kata orang Melayu.

Aku workout pagi nie. Tick.

Skipped breakfast and jump straight into lunch. Tick.

Lepas tu azan bunyi. Aku pun pegi la amik kopiah nak pegi masjid. And the padlock was still on! Aku memang dah lama berapi pasal padlock nie. Dah la kunci dia yang mana satu aku tak dapat nak determine. Kuncinya pulak kalau sikit satu hal. Ini termasuk dengan kunci kejayaan, ada dekat 358 anak kunci. Hangin gila.

So dalam kemarahan yang amat sangat aku masuk rumah balik and aku berak. Sambil baca buku.

And maybe I should start writing in my mother tongue. Should gain me some milage with the masses. Heheh. 

(Ko bajet ko best kan with that "Oh maybe I should start writing in my mother tongue" nyeh nyeh nyeh ?)

Bajet Inggeris. Cis.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

The Tak Boleh Tido Post

I should have a label that says 'Tak Boleh Tido Post' because as far as I could recall, I lost count of how many of these posts I've had over the years of ranting.

Apparently, I have overestimated my ability to beat the might of a cup (a Koley, in actual sense of things. You're not sure what this is, don't you bimbo ? hihih) - so apparently, I have GROSSLY overestimated my ability to beat down Nescafe every time we lock horns in battle. 9 times out of 10 I would beat Neskape, hands down.

But not this time.

Is this the sign of age ?

It sure feels like 'old' the way I cannot sleep over a meer koley of Neskape. I mean I used to take 2 shots (big ones) and I would later fall asleep on my keyboard.

What the hell happened ?

To think that I used to laugh at Mak for being scared shitless of having Neskape around night time.

And it chose to happen at the worst of time still. Besok nak sahur, lepas tu nak pegi keje. Homaigawd! I remember drinking Neskape like plain water when I was trying to study for my finals and fell asleep as fast the addictive fluids down my throat.

Not then. But NOW.

I am going to be dreadful what with all the numbery details that I have been dirtying myself with lately, tomorrow.

Hadoi.