Impressive

Man faked his own death before proposing to his girlfriend. He said he wanted to show her how empty life would be without him.

Wow. Talk about stuck up.

Wouldn't be surprised if he has a selfie of his own privates.

The Deja Post

Its weird.

A combination of tobacco inhalation, a slide open window and a few songs brought about.

Here I am.

Almost a decade past.

And a realization.

That after all these years.

After all those tears.

I still amount to nothing.

Deja is still a bitch. 

I Refuse To Be Defeated

"I refuse to be defeated"

That was what popped up at the top of my head while busting my ass off on the elliptical machine during the third interval from the total of four of my workout today. That is 2/3 of May Week 2 target. One more to go and the set weekly target will have been achieved.

But I digress.

I felt somewhat amazed that such honest persistence would come from someone who would always pick the easy way out. Why I said honest persistence is because that was the most immediate thing that came to my mind during the usually most enduring part of the workout, the third interval. 

See, as I've written before, I always felt like crying during these workouts and you can imagine the face that I make during those times and you would have been wise to avoid walking in front of the carnage. For from my facial expression, you could be forgiven for thinking that I was mourning a lost continent to a natural disaster. 

This entry will sound quite forced for I am totally not in the mood to write but I just have to note this interesting finding.

So as I was saying, right at the very moment I feel sorry for myself, making sad faces and all. All of a sudden, I guess quite accidentally, because I was so drained, I made a smug face and lo! When I did, all of a sudden my mood changes from pitying myself to one of defiance, thus, "I refuse to be defeated!"

There are a few observations I wish to share from this experience but I guess that will be for another day, another entry.

For now suffice to say that I am so proud of you Fakhrol.

Journey

this image brings a frighteningly uncanny resemblance of myself right now

To start when you have stopped a while is always hard. Especially for someone like me. When I am invested in something there's practically nothing that can stop me from doing what I'm meant to do. But when I've stopped for a stint, that's when starting up is like dragging a hundred tonne cargo ship. 

Unlike running on the treadmill back then, these taxing workouts require me to rest at least for a day in between two workouts. Two days are ideal. I failed to meet up April's Week 4 and 5 targets. Thus, May is the month where I will cover the lost days, so I went 4 times in May Week 1, slashing the lost days to two. However, since 4 times feel somewhat taxing I took an initially planned 2 days rest which eventually ended up being 4 -_-"

It wasn't that I planned to skip them. I have in fact been readying my mental and to a degree, physical state to start only for other factors to catch up and eventually dragging me. One thing to note - or not to (since I knew this all along anyways) - is that procrastination will eventually lead me to skip the sessions altogether. What I need to do is just drop every fucking thing and get on the elliptical machine to avoid getting stuck on the computer screen and not able to enjoy it anyways, worrying and cursing my own weak mental state.

Sesungguhnya aku benci akan workout ini.

But its the shortest and the most effective route.

Progress, if I am honest, is basically none because for every step I took forward I leaped 5 backwards. After the trip to Penang I have not been careful with the stuffs I put inside my mouth.

Sniffs sniffs :(

All in all I am actually back to square one. In a careless moment I can still hear the sound of my own breathing. That means I am like super gemok right now and I hate it. But I have a good feeling about this one, here I am 2 months into my stop-start journey and I am still at it.

Sekian. Sebuah journal.

Lions Might Sleep Tonite But I Might Not

I've always been fascinated by Africa and its wilderness. Its animals, lions mostly just send me with shrills like a school girl watching some K Pop tards in person. I have always been wondering about the safari packages available. Tho I've never really thoroughly researched it. Guilty. Mostly because the fund simply isn't there yet.

But African deserts, like Paris are two destination one day I wish to visit.

Pix taken without owner's consent from BBM group FB. Hope he's OK with it. Well. If  he finds out. If. Ever.

And tell me if you don't get excited to be living and sleeping in a place like this where a mere flip of  the straw flooring might bring about endless and endless possibilities. I'm so giddy by the thought I feel like I can berak next week's shit right now.

:)

Tak tahan dugaan. Happy camper I am a such. 

Up next - The Batpod.