A Scary Place They Call - Human Minds
So many what if's : Am scared.
Current Listen : My Chemical Romance - I Don't Love You.mp3

What if this is all but Reality, am scared of what'll be found at the end of the tunnel.
What if the journey with a cause is actually a cause to a horrendous fumble.

I glance at Joe, while peering at the 3 winged chirps.
Refusing to make visible his smiles, he pretends rubbing dirts.
The chirping trio, entirely oblivious of their sorrounding -
Playfully whistle & wrestle, unaware of any potential gruesome findings.

A moment halted, his fingers hesitated at the tip of the trigger.
The heartily beats race with the speed of wets behind his ears.
To split basic Humanity & social conditioning in split seconds.
His hands trembeling, result of a lengthy war in his head, i reckon.

And i tried to reside INvisible, yet am drawn to the very core.
Life's a Bitch and now am forced to deal with this Whore ?
" C'mon now " i yelled at my heart's content. But in a mute tone.
" Puke the metal slug or i'll be forced to do what i wont ! "

I cant recall the first, but this might be our final friendly trip.
Hesitation is attributed to the shallows and am far too deep.
A thunderous sound & a smoking barrel, ironically - a teary " Goodbye, peep "
Instead of 3, i left the 4th victim drowning in his own crimson drips.

" Saya Sebuah Blog "
"I love my country, only do i hate the slobs who lead it to - Astray"

Rainy day has never fail to associate me with sorrows & loneliness

Saya dilahirkan di sebuah minda yang tidak mahu dipenjara. Oh, puitis sungguh. Saya berumur, ermm, biar saya kira.. satu, dua, ah sape pedulik. Tuan saya seorang yang penyayang lagi berkaki lebar, err maksud saya, berkaliber. Kami gemar menghabiskan masa lapang kami dengan menonton Cerekarama dan juga termenung di tasik-tasik sambil mencari ilham untuk meng-pinpoint dunia. Tuan saya mempunyai suatu persepsi yang sangat berbeza tentang dunia, sekurang-kurangnya saya fikir begitu.

Setelah hampir xx tahun kami bersama, saya mulai terasa perubahan-perubahan terhadap layanan yang saya terima, kami tidak lagi makan semeja seperti dulu-dulu. Malahan adakalanya beliau juga bertindak kejam dengan meniggikan suara beliau terhadap saya.

Raizzen's Note of Oblivious :

I cant proceed, the more i do, the more the seeming puke would seem inevitable. Its just that i've just suddenly stumbled upon the cluster of my primary school memories, in which, this nature of writing is my favourite and my advantage.. or so i would like to think. Notice how the end of this type of composition will typically be the demise of the narrator. How childish, LOL.

Oh, reminiscence is schweet.

Stagnate Motions.
Current Listen : Blackstreet - In A Rush.mp3

Am afraid of motions. I stay in motion while wishing that time is stagnate. I wish that the hands of time are stagnate so that i can sort things out while not having to move on. Its so painful having to move along while the weight of my shouldered burdens is a company in the windy path. Am so afraid of motion that i dare stop not any movements, i dare not struggle. Paranoid of the fragility of every motion. And so i was and still am there, being the faihful spactator of the whole event while my hands shaking on temptations to stop the ruckus, and unfortunately i forgot how to spell..

GUTS.

So here i am - feeling Dread-fooled.

The end ? Trust me, i hope not.

Beautifyingly Stupifying.
Current Listen : The Cranberries - Ode To My Family.mp3
Ice creams are natural beauty, but stupifying. They cost you your tooth !

Beautifyingly Stupifying.

Beautifyingly Stupifying v 2.0

Beautifyingly Stupifying v 3.0

The peoples. Ones i care about & the otherwise.

The oblivious teens making out. Sheeshhh.

The totally oblivious.

I luved words, their meanings, their potential interpretations by individuals i met along the windy ways. In very much ways, words are tools of experiment. Words are essential part of my dull life. But since a picture tells a thousand words, i think i've said more than i should.

Enjoy !

Raizzen

The Standars 3.0
Current Listen : N/A
Fuck off !

Know what ? I just feel like cussing, so here it is :

P . U . K . I . M . A . K

Nice ?

Was going to reformat the Hard disk that was lend to me by my nice cousin. But the Pukimakly haps chose to show itself now out of so many alternatives. The XP Installer corrupt like government firms. DVD burner - Crash & Burn. Validations seeked were temprorily given & permanently confiscated. Self worth elevates high and falls at the very constant rate it's raised.

At times like this, slumping my body upon a couch or something would be the thing i'd prefer to do.

My morale shatters & evaporates.

Drowns,

Raizzen

The Standards 2.0
Current Listen : Hinder - Better Than Me.mp3

Am at the very bottom of my feeling. I feel am not worthy of anything, anything at all. Am messed up.

Why am i in such a constant pain ? This must be God's way in getting back to the sinner i am. My eyelids - lowered. My shoulders - slumped. Who am i ? What am i seeking for ? What worth do i posesess in the eyes of the mass. I somehow felt like the answer lies out there, merely a grasp away, hence, i pressed on, but am still just clasping airs.

I want and am willing to supplicate in return but i found out that my pockets are always empty. So much wants, so much to live for & a handful to die for - but the Inadequacy prevails still.

Am prefusely bleeding while most is oblivious, and a handful others turn another cheek.

Breaking,

Raizzen

The Standards 1.0
Current Listen : None
Current Read : Confidential
Fucked.

Woke up this morning and feeling fucked up. An unanswered call, two (2) messed up attempts last night. Sighs. Am going to KL today, checking out the chicks. LOL

Low Yatt Plaza & chicks.. Do you think thats a good combination ? Hell yea, that is IF you're, let me spell it for you here, no, no, dont thank me, am just nice like that -

R E T A R D . get it ? Damn toodles.

The nicely Schweet,

Raizzen

The Feeling of A Mere Being, The Mere Being of A Feeling..
Deep ? Hell no, am just crappin'
Current Listen : The Fray - How To Save A Life.mp3

KLCC.. morning view, wet, fresh & vulnerable. I present it to you from the corridor of Seri Maya condo.

Got an invitation to a dinner at Mandarin Oriental, am pretty excited since it was ages ago have I stepped my foot on the nice floor of KLCC. Well plusses, the chicks will be a nice way to get rid off the dust from my eyes as well. Dont you think ? Shmuck.

This birthday might just be the best birthday i've ever had.

Celebrated my 23rd Birthday on 3rd of March ago. No special post to accompany, was too occupied; - with almost Nothing. The 23rd Birthday might just be the most special so far, a number of well wishes & a card. A 'belanja makan' by Boss. Niceness. Am not asking much out of life, and am greatful to have been celebrated the way i was around the magical date. Thank you all, thank you so much for being vital parts in the making of the 23rd version of my smart self.

Thanx.

Oddity At Odd Hours
Weird Stumble upons Part II

N ever once did i ever look at someone with the way you got my eyes set
O h man, how i fuckin hate the day i'll be forced to be used to forget
R easonings are the mere excuses to get my eargerness ampliefied
H ence, i create every possible reasons so my presence around u'd be justified
I bleed and drown in the sea of of crimson, unseen to most naked eyes
D ays're now numbered & my whole life's at the very disposal of a toss for a dice
A n angel you are, the one with a scythe, ironically, i felt lucky for a victim
Y ou inflicted not any slash, yet the scars are permanent, or so they seem..
A dreadful demon that's treated me with compassion, yet effortlessly whispers " i'll kill you "
H atred or Love, allow me a place within your heart, even a tiny dot will do..

Yet another laymee piece i wrote a few years (?) ago. Well a tad too wacky, weak & helpless if you ask me. Absolutely not the image i projected of myself within my superior sights. Just thought that i'd share it anyways. Serves as a point of reminder - of my Idiocy.

* Disclaimer : Edited 1 time in total

" Yea I Talk Shits, While Your Lips Keeps Bumpin' To Bums That Produce Them "
Fuck you, thus.

Current Listen : Fergie - Glamorous.mp3

Am feelin' fuckingly miserable. Shits, i feel unappreciated. I feel like shits. I feel i dont wanna fucking feel anything. Shits. Am frustrated. The wordly ways of expressing my fucking feelings now dont appeal to me very much. All i wanna do now is raise my index finger's neighbour that happens to be in the middle of all five fingers attached to my hand.

Babi.

I wanna cuss so much. I got my whole sanity at my disposal now, and no, i dont want help. Let me drown in this madness. I pray that no one will cross path with me while im in this fuck-up state.

I have, finally, come to a realization while i was havin my ass seated on the porcelain bowl just now that :

" A man without a scroll is a man with nothing " - My Smart Self

Quote me on that.

Its mostly true, though not applicable to everyone.

I used to be so fuckin' rational about this seniority thinggy, hell yea, i can be damn rational, i was a junior myself at that prickin' particular time. I used to be like " Hey, why the fuck that these dumarses are makin so much fuckin noise about their juniors overtakin' them, i'd acknowledge it, should it be me .. ". Now am paying the price of smirks that life has conjour upon my sorry ass. I knew that the day'd finally come when this boy will overtake me, what i didnt know though, was, i've never thought that it'd be so damn swift. Heh, talkin about the importance of education and - The Impotence - without it. Man, life smirks a lot. I mean a lot. What saddens me more is that i know am fully capable and am ways fuckin' better than most clerks do. Its no jea-lousy, i insist, but Hey, cant help but be frustrated. The presence of a mere being of human i am, shows on an apparent state - at times like this.

Education might appear pointless for a while, well let it go & no loss is bored upon no one, but us.

Odd Hours & Feelings
Weird stumble-upons, but Hey..
Current Listen : Nelly Furtado - Say It Right.mp3

Abondoned by the ones responsible for my existance in this world /
Forgotten the face of misery, but i recall the cynical smirks of survival /
Life's about ups & downs but i've only managed to view it from below /
Lightless nights are child's play, i've seen the darkest of sorrow /
Masses saw me as a form of insgnificance, so i seek proof of my existance /
Reducing to dusk their physicals and i pulverize their presence /
How cheap - lives to me, are merely carcasses with soul attached to them /
The world itself is an infperfection - a cycle of junked & patched System /
Im just playing my part in this cycle, getting rid of decomposing containers /
I victimized not the innocents, but too bad, the whole world's a sinner /
I've never been fascinated by bloody crime scenes, i prefer my victims clean /
Instead of cutting through their flesh, i strangled them with their intestines /
Nothing pleases me more than the look of terror written on their faces /
I found zenith on the abyss of agony - joy that i cant describe in phrase /
Mentally de-ranged, while on the outside i might be the one you're talking to /
"Sit tight honey, dont worry about dinner, your liver's more than enough for 2" /

* Stumbled upon the piece i wrote back about like a year or 2 ago, pretty weird piece, am even surprised this was a piece of mine. Purely fictional, toodles, im greatful for what beautiful parents i have.

Thoughtless Words
Am shallow
Current Listen : Steve Tyler Feat. Carlos Santana - All That I Am.mp3

The night's oddly calm, cold winds are making their way through the metal curtains of my bedroom windows. Tranquility ? Close, yea, but not exactly. A couple of stacking up assignments. Oh shit..

* Sudden phase-shift *

Respect that was once a thing i'd give, would now require earnings from people i deem fit. Fits the description of my Disgust. I mean people can be damn sneaky to the point of despicable.

I actually, am entirely cool. Hell, i dont even feel like Bloggin but hey i just did ! Oh, when the night feels fuckin' empty..

The Mourn-Day Sin-Drome
Current Listen : The Cranberries - Ode To My Family.mp3
Current Read : The Old Man And The Sea - By Hemmingway

Damn. Its Moan-day, felt crappily crapped. Left my celly at home, Oh how nice. Complementing the lazy-arse-ness & the idle time of mine at the office. Been feeling damn Unsorted these couple of days. Studies, Career, Interests, Plans etc, more etc & some more etcs.

These unsorted beings of multiple fuck-ups, they're good. I mean damn good, at reducing me to a jerk from a prick i was and still am. Shitty. I guess not being able to sleep properly due to the special night shifts that im trusted with, are one of the major triggers that dictate which middle finger i will, eventually, put up flying-fuckably, at the whole world. But i pray not that'd be the case. Prayed hard.

Gawd, its uneasy.

Before The Night Befalls Upon Us
Fark.. Nak kene gi keje plak.. Crap !
Current Listen : Jedi Mind Tricks - I Against I.mp3

1. " The mere weight of my tongue holds more significance than your actions " - Myself laa kot

2. " I overlooked the earth because i see it from the sun's angle " - Jus Allah

Crap. Nak kene gi keje plakkkkkkkk. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But hey, i felt kinda OK, i update the Blog then.

Meanwhile these couple of days have been friggin' rough for the Illegal Occupcation force of US in Iraq. Daily slayings (I purposely choose the word to knock some sense into the full-of-air heads of the Americans) of their proud soldiers is now, already a daily occurance, though little that the world knows, the 3,000 ++ figure is made up of pure deceits & fuckin' lies. My estimation goes beyond 10,000 of their well equipped personnels who've been dead in the line of duty ? Noooo, slain; while robbing the wealth of other people's nation.

5 of their soldiers were kid-napped, handcuffed & ended up with a bullet in each of their heads. They were in their 20-30's. Sad, sad Indeed. But hey, no Iraqi's life is any cheaper than the blood of any American's blood spilled in the Land of Two Rivers. And it come to no surprise to me, at least, that the previous report, mentioning the 5 died while "repelling the attack" of those dirty INsurgents, contradicted the truth. No surprise at all. This, has been done countlessly in order to justify the despicable dreams of President Bush. And to demoralize the Mujahideen, mind me. This is done in the name of Democracy. Democracy my ass.

War criminals, rapists, murderers and their alikes have been roaming on the face of earth freely without any proper trial & charges against them in the name of Mother Democracy. I feel like throwin' confettis.

* throws * coughs * throws * coughs *

And to President Bush likings, their General-to-be, whatever his name is, because i can give a fuck less about that, is quoted as saying : " Hey, we've miscalculated the ability of Iraqi forces to take control and underestimated the enemy's persistence "

Iraqi forces got ability meh ? I thought that they were wheelchaired until this dude came to spark that shit up. Funny ass hell. And secondly, enemy's persistence ? Hell no, its not just mere persistence that has kept the fire of the struggle that were seemingly hopeless into a light that charred any beings that dare come across its path. Not mere persistence if you ask me, definitely no. It requires far exceeding intelligence, bravery, sacrifices & intellectuality to outsmart the artificially (since they're dumb enough not to win the war given the sophistication level of their military equipments & trainings) smart US marines. The above kidnap & execute style is by far, the most outsmarting in 4 years of warring campaign. These INsurgent dudes speak English and were seen as blondes and fully equipped with US gears ! Impressive, given the claims from the US of how stupid these punks are !

And now President Bush intends to expand more fronts (i.e : Somalia &Iran) ? Go ahead.

* smiles smilingly *

Byes.

Off to work.

They Came To Rob & Hey, Now They're Demanding A 'Thank You' !
Current Listen : Jedi Mind Tricks - On The Eve of War.mp3

The shameless claims

I mean.. I couldnt have thought that you people could possibly sink any lower than you already are. I mean, c'mon, these people are robbers, they broke into your house, emptied your drawers, terrorizes your kids and on a funny twist of fate, they accidently set your house on fire, and by pure dumb luck, practically, came to save your lives.

THEY DEMAND APPRECIATION ?

I mean how fuckin nitwittingly dimwitted can you fuckin' be ?

Initially, the reason was Weapons of Mars Destruction (I mean, yea, the poor Iraqi's warheads are that powerful, they can reach Mars yea ?). And when WMD seems to, you know.. not making any acceptably logical senses to the people, the magnifier suddenly switch to the late Saddam Hussein. Puke-ably funny. Funny Indeed. And oh, not to mention, the collateral damages done in between the delusional goals of America and their realization.

You disarm them, tied their hands and you punch-bag them. Heroic ? You were yellin' " Hey, look here, here's the Criminal ! " right after you disarm the Iraqis and robbed them. You shoot people on their head in a mosque, you raped the women, molested the child, traumatizing every layers of society, level down the village, shoot people in their sleep. You fuckin' demand an appreciation ?

Here.. i'll put the word 'appreciation' in between my legs, come have a taste. Suck my fuckin d*ck, fuckin' Faggots.

Appreciation my ass. Depreciation is what awaits you. From all aspects and angles.

Shattering Pieces of Self.
Will i be able to get myself together ?
Current Listen : The Cranberries - Linger.mp3
Current Read : Harry Porter & The Sorcerer's Stone (Nerdy yea ?)

I was having a walk, blindfolded, in the darkest alley of the precint. The weather's harsh & the wind blows mean. Thru the bones i feel them piercin'. Scary thing is i dont even feel scared at all, it just feels so lonely. My only company were my own thoughts, misguided ones. The passages of the alley kept gettin narrower as if they were showing their disapproval over my presence. Unwelcomed stranger i was at the place i thought i was familiar with.

I wish i can just go back but i've went too far. Too far for me to just call it a day. Its not that i dont wanna give up, its just that i cant. Therefore, the only choice left for me is to go on until the passage ways decide to halt their length. And there i was, walking in an only direction. The only direction offered. No deals.

I tripped and falled. The scent of the sands filled up my smelling sense. My nose was smothered with dirt. I feel like crying but oddly, oddly, i managed only a few. And as if the journey wasn't painful enough, the few tears that i drop were evaporated into the air despite the coldness of the night. I cant help but feel like the whole Universe was smirking at the pathetic being i was.

Till i feel like crapping again..

I Who Have Nothing II
Im lacking in nothing besides everything
Current Listen : Ungu - Demi Waktu.mp3

Am bitter. I need to sort out.

And plash, suddenly its already Monday ?? Whattttttttt ?? Crap. Hell, another Monday. A Monday, one Gloomy Monday is all it takes to ruin the schweetness of the weekend, not that schweet mind you, just full of of nice uninteruppted sleeps & full of tummy expanding meals. Nice. nice INdeed.

Now am back again behind my desk, within my cubicle enslaving myself to these filthy work stacks that never seize to vanish. Man, i want some of those Harry Porter shits. Anyhow, dont get me wrong tough, i love my job.

My life INdeed is in need of a couple of sortings & realignments to drag it back on track.

Studies. Career. Relationship. General Issues. Family.

Shits, i'd list all the things i require in this life and you'd be 5o and still wonders when does it gonna end.

Cant have it all cant we ? I noticed that im not the same lazy ass i was now. Certainly i did change in some of the aspects of my life, on the other hand though, i think i sacrificed, some crucial ones too. Weekend's just passed and.

I really wanna crap more since this is practically the first time i ever skeletonized my blog of thoughts in advance before publishing it. But then again, crap, am damn sleepy.

Oh crappy -

Jedi Mind Tricks - I Who Have Nothing
I like them lyrics

I, I who have nothing...

Verse I: Ikon

Intersections in real time
The unbroken circles and dimensions of the mind
the tie that binds
The eternal time that defines
The vanity of my insanity in due time
Will shine
Like the night seeds under the moon
The haunted corners of familiar rooms
Yet i'm consumed
With vanishing into thin air
The realization that this shit is my cross to bare
So where
Did I think I could run away to see
The people that decided to leave without asking me
But we
Decide to wait for happier tomorrows
And find someone so they can be distractions from our sorrows
but my distractions the books of paper that i've scrawled in
I'm eloquent as summer breeze and leaves just have fallen
I've crawled in a corner hoping all of this will end
With the knowledge that love is just another word for revenge
I who have nothing but the comfort of my sins
I who have nothing but the comfort of my friends


Verse II: Ikon

As I decay, demons prey above me like a vulture
Ability to endure contradiciton is a high sign of culture
Verbal sculptures, self defacing
It is not God or lunacy that I am facing
But the erasing of the purity and passion of my words
The herds of cattle babble on with talk of the absurd
But I preferred
To walk away from all the feuds
To find my life is more confusing than a rubic's cube
So i'm subdued
and all my words are verbal prods
To live alone one must be an animal or a God
But it's official
All of my pain is clear as crystal
The natural side of life has now been seeming artificial
But I can hit you
And rest assured it's not my last words
I could give a fuck about ya secrets and ya passwords
I get passed words and their ability to hurt you
Patience is a virtue and knowledge is a commercial
I who have nothing but the pain that I refer to
I who have nothing but the pain that I refer to


Verse III: Ikon

Lost among the miracles, I stand alone
And i've grown into a being that's sitting on top of throne
I've known
For many years that I would turn to rust
I find a reason for another breath
Before my return to dust
I become one with science and mathematic and the rising of the
sun
I'm numb
To all of those who blind and cannot see
The chastiser of the enemy
Perception requires duality
Inspect ya soul, the color of coal inside the body
I have hardly, come across them who's holy
Send them to the cheribem to control thee
Burning of the sun and frigidness of the cold
The battle field is new but the war is now old
You can never see the merest shadow of a halo
Above the head of evil jin who's deadly like tornado
The world has become an aquarium
Full of gaping fish with murderous smiles
I on the other hand stand on the outside looking in
Writing down murderous files
I who have nothing but the lack of variation
And I who have nothing but chains and suffocation

Dark Rainy Night
Please Forgive Me
Current Listen : Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me.mp3

A visit to your secret garden of memories - Thanx for givin me a peek,

Self centered i was - til' them tears roll down your right & left cheek.

Shouldn't have bragged on how i'd walk the walk when Im not even 'You',

Because i wouldn't even last a second, walking a mile in your shoe.

Depth of my sin's immeasurable, you cant fathom the bottom of my guilt,

This rainy dark night, this night, let my guilthy thoughts be spilled.

Despite all these spites though, just know that I Love You, regardless;

Im all heart-full of you, no matter how i might've sounded heartless..

Forgive Me.

The Dumb One, The Dumber Two, Wait, You Got More ? Oh Crap, The US ?
When the attempt to listen is present, but you just keep forgettin' that your deaf
Current Listen : Jedi Mind Tricks - Storm Of Swords.mp3

U.S. launches airstrike in Somalia

Finally - the hot shot of them Pagans & Infidel has decided to come out. Nevermind dude, your collapse is already within sight. Big ups. How many fronts are there now for you to throw your smart ass, well equipped soldiers lives away ?

Heh.

Somalia - Welcoming ceremony of bombardments. Oh, how diplomatic.

Iraq - A well planned & executed campaign, IF, and IF only you're a near sighted geek who grab his dick instead of the gear and grumbles when the car is not moving.

Afghanistan - Taliban is ghost. One moment you tought you'd kill him, Indeed he disappear from your naked body & eyes. But you see, once in a while, Mullah Omar did send your soldier's body parts into the air. Ah wait, is it once in a while or is it only once in a while did you not see them body parts flying ? Please do correct me. Oh what nice replacement Bush has prepared for his soldiers, INstead of fireworks, they now cater Bodyworks. Nice. Nice INdeed.

Iran - New, probable & potential front. One those party you'd be dumb to think you'd claim an easy win. It'll be bloody, greasy, windy & too long of a campaign.

"..Cleverness has never been associated with long delays.." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

LOL. Cant stop smirking the way out, when i read the line a few days ago. Iraq & Afghanistan have exposed the long cloaked Stupidity of America. Israel is probably aware of the fact that it stopped waging an unwinnable war with the Ghostly Hezbollah.

Man, i couldnt stop once i've started tapping my war drums, well, verbally, at least, with these sons of them bitches. To my dear brothers in Somalia, it wont be too long now, before the great collapse. Hence, rejoice for the fact your deaths, pains & sufferings wont be in vain. Martyrdom has come to invite you to join its parade.

March forth & dont look back. You'll linger within the abyss of my prayers. Always.

God be with you.