Soul Searches

I have a severe problem of communicating how I feel at a needle-point accuracy, so to speak, verbally. I find solace under the shelter and might of the pen. I have always envied ones with a tongue so eloquent they manage to convey WHAT they want and WHEN they need to exactly in the right amount of words and just enough vocavulgarity (ies) without ever having to sidetrack to profanity.

Mak said I was probably slightly neglected during my earliest childhood. My sister was born when I was barely a year they said. But March 3, 1984 to November 11, 1985, I think that makes up about 1 year and 8 months ++. Still was there lack of attention that I have this problem of expressing myself ?

I have always felt somewhat short in the art of what my colleague would call the Taichi. The masterful art of deflecting hits and redirecting it to someone else first before finding out the facts and figures yourself, of which, by that particular time, the attention has winded down so much, it might as well had never happened.

Hence during my early years with my current employer, I always have to write down what and how I feel to make sense of things, I wrote down every last details of the affair. I had to dig and I had to dig deep. And lo,  it makes so much more sense when I write them down. I was able to dissect what and how I feel compared to just feeling enraged ALL THE FUCKEN TIME. 

Yes, rage. Very productive.

I had no idea how to solve things, therefore I break them. Its not that I discard the art of effective communication altogether, its just that by the time I do employ them, the tone will almost always be slightly higher than what's required to be effective. Thus, there's no such thing as anti climax ending to my confrontations. They always have to be either 'hideous' ugly or they never happened to have an ending.

Last but not least. Fruitful discussions and effective communications are all pretty, only you happened to be ugly. So pardon me not when I snap.

Pet Lion

Someday I wish to have a pet lion. Look at that serene expression. So wise and calm.

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Bangsaku... What have we become. The arrogance. The sort of arrogance that let us think we have a legitimate right to tell our "DLL" (Dan lain-lain) Malaysian counterparts, "Go home, if you don't like it here..", "Go back to China where you belong..". If history had taught us anything, its that, arrogance is the beginning of the fall of an empire.

What sort of birthright legitimacy we think we possess to chase away these perceived 2nd class citizens from their homes ? Their ancestors might have descended from Manchuria themselves, yet their children, much like us had called Malaysia their home ever since birth. Exactly like you and me. We have grown much too arrogant. Just because we are lucky to be born in the family of first generation Malays doesn't mean all that much when and if we were to see the world through their perspectives.

It could have been you and me.

But its them.

This sort of hair thin advantage had led us to think we have a divine right to strangle their rights, how ?

And I..

I.

505

"Apabila nasib yang Celik ditentukan oleh yang Buta"

The Grim Weeper

Following the post about the fugly fucker that imitated Jones' reaction during United's derby defeat. Here's my reply. Late, yes. But I savour my adversaries' defeat for a long long long time. I just found that out. Surprise surprise. I'm vengeful after all. So my apologies if I may have intentionally mislead you to think otherwise.

What ? Fucking what ?

We'll Remember

Don't worry. We'll remember this.

..ends at Never.

Loving you is a journey that starts with Forever and ends at Never.

Source: piccsy.com viaKatie on Pinterest

United - We Never Die

It was gonna happen. Sooner rather than later. United's run of games has been near flawless. Having watched United for years, I've come to be accustomed with sloppy runs and scrappy wins. A series of what unearthly fuckers haters would call, luck, but we'll get to that later. 

So as I was saying, having watched United for years, I've been so used to United last minute wins consisting of an endless 1-0 scoreline. Lucky calls. Fergie Association. Bla bla blah. Yada yada yada. This time, however, United have managed to pull wins, almost out of the hat even when playing like fucken shit 99% of the time. 

Perhaps I'd jinxed it. I was almost afraid because everything was going too well! And there it goes, my spidey sense had been true all along. The repeat of the 2010's exit from the Cup...

The ref just had to have the final say. The game was going so well and going in the direction of United. I almost couldn't believe my eyes as United wreaked havoc to a Real team fresh from inflicting 2 defeats in a row to the immaculate Barca, so to speak.

Just like it was in 2010, you can't help but feel robbed. Your team played so well against clear favourites, the ref just had to come and ruin it. I was bitter for a couple of days. But boy, am I proud. 

It will always be a question of "What if.." but there shall be no answer in that. The boys played their hearts out. Giggsy at 40 is just inhuman. How in the hell did he relive the heydays of his 20's and reverse the greys in his hair is anybody's guess. But they made me proud.

One of the most glaring flaw of United, one which is also the reason I hold United so dear to my heart is its ultra-attacking minded approach. Indoctrinated within the United genes, it dictates that they attack and attack even when down to 10 men with ruthlessness and vigor of a team who had burnt the bridges and would never go back. 

And for that I am proud, the bitterness gone. I now know that THE better team lost that night. 

That, if you aint too shallow minded to begin with, will answer why it was never really luck which has brought this fortune. It is simply the sheer hatred for losing and the never say die attitude.

United. We never die.

Padan Muka Kau

You know its hard to be graceful in the moment of glory. More so when the shit fuck faced opponents you beat is the disgrace of a shit club. A club of whom their fans talk like rights to glories is a divine right. Theirs. 

When in reality - or - if they're ever willing to get their heads out of the poop they get their heads so deep in. Theirs is a story inscribed in the pages of history textbooks. Ones students yawn upon just by a mere mention.

Yet, these pathetic scums will never shy away from reminding you that they're somehow the superior team. Always. Of course, this is a fact they will not admit out right. But what the fuck are you insinuating raising the 'five' sign whenever cornered ? 

And not to mention cornered due to the fact that you fail to keep your mouths shut in the moment of others' gloom. Spew craps all you want if you're top of the table. But when you're half way down there, don't bother talk shit because people will start to peep behind your doors wondering if your life is oh so perfect.

To me, and barring a few, Liverstool fans are.. Well doesn't matter.

I don't feel sorry for you. I won't. Whatever fucken shit you receive you deserve. So I wanna take this time out and wish the Liverstool fans, aside for a few exception to the rules - people around me - families, relatives and close friends who support Liverstool - Padan muka. 

With all those Howard Webb favouring United talks. He failed to produce Johnson with the second yellow for obstruction of a clear goal opportunity.

Ah malas aku nak pikir. Padan muka and fuck you. You deserve every inch of the humiliation because you fail to contain your mouths when it matters.

Hoyeah I'm happy. Beating you fair or not will always bring me a pleasure I will savour for days to come. And I simply want to rub this win on your face and I don't even want to bother sugarcoating it for your ears.

So hear it from me raw - Padan muka kau kalah. Tu la lengkali memekak lagi macam the chimpanzee that you are. Wargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh karg.

My First English Encounter

A guy in his mid 40's made a proposition to a female colleague, "I'll give you 200 bucks if you'd have sex with me. I'll be done as soon as I handed you the money."

The woman, repulsed by such outward profanity stomped off in disgust without any thoughts.

Back home, she told her boyfriend about the whole incident. And the boyfriend, bemused, decided to teach the pervert a lesson and play along. "Don't worry, how long do you think it'll take for him to hand over the 200 bucks ? You'll be done be even before your pants is off!"

The woman hesitated for a while and finally agreed, what better way to teach this pervert a lesson and make some quick bucks while at it. "There's no downside!" She thought.

So the next day, the boyfriend drops the woman in front of the office, winking, he told her to take the son of a bitch's money and make a run for it.

An hour later, the woman, looking dejected, finally comes out of the building. Her boyfriend asks "What happened ? What took you so long ?"

The woman retorted "THE BASTARD paid me in coins!"

Moral: Make sure you understand a business proposition before agreeing to it. 

Its not mine by the way. I remember I read it somewhere years ago. Dunno where. I remember it so well, well, of course, there's the sex them which isn't so hard to recall. Second its one of the first encounter with English. Meaning it was one of the first English joke I could laugh at. Which, OMG I'm shocked I have to even explain this - It means its one of the first joke out of half a million ones I read and understand. Ngerti ? Heheh.

Laters fucken' skaters.

"Football, Bloody Hell!"

Sakit perut betul la tengok MU main. We played like shit for a large part of the game. Of course scraping wins such as this, they say, is a mark of Champions. But have some empathy for the guys like us, the fans who wish we could have kicked the ball ourselves but had to settle with kicking airs instead, out of sheer frustration. 

Sir Alex's selection to guard our suspect midfield is befuddling to say the least. Our whole gameplay looked lethargic. Yes, the midfield issue has been an open secret whole season long, in fact, 2 or 3 seasons back. But starting Giggsy and Scholes has made Newcastle looked like Barcelona when we know what we needed is energy and penetration against one of the more physically built team in the PL.

Of course I'm gushing with happiness with the win but 1 or 2 more games such as this, I'll probably have to get that insurance package from Anna sooner than I thought. Damnit United! 

"Football, bloody hell!"

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

I'm in one of those moods. Period kot.

You

I want that face.

That smile.

And I want them in their entirety. 

I want YOU.

Right here.

Right now.

Where you belong.

Home.

To US.

Fuck. I miss you SO.

edit: ..and with you I left my Better Half.

So Long Fatty Tho I Know It Was That Fateful Accident You Blame Everyday But Its NO ONE's Fault But YOURS Fatty!

If this isn't inspirational enough, then I dunno what is

Today's the FIRST day of my Projek Kur- well you know what, fuck all these naming conventions. Whenever ever my mind goes into hyperdrive and overdosing on mental masturbations, I come up with all sorts of names, all of whom were pretty much doomed to oblivion because of all these pre-planning which involves another, much bigger planning - which, If I'm honest here, at the end of the day amounted and dissipated into the abyss nothingness.

So to cut the crap short because I'm in dire need of my daily dosage of Futurama to cater my addiction and because my old hip insists on reminding me its age every chance it got. And not to fucken mention I hate typing with a laptop because my PC decided to ditch me in search of a better loving partner and I quote (my PC) - "I'm looking for a new adventure.."

Well good for you. Oh shit, I digress, its all the laptop's fault for reminding me how such a bitch her goddamned keyboard is with every 3 words I typed.

So yeah after long fucken overdue and sleepless nights I've embarked on a journey of NO fucken return in search of a land where Fakhrol is tall, languid and slim taf gila, tapi tak macam Awie!

40 minutes this morning. Another hour lepas Maghrib tadi. So long fatty! So if no else is proud of me, fuck yeah am proud of myself!

Liverstool = BIG Club = I Pissed LOLs

There will be no love spared for Liverstool in the event of their defeat. Why are these fucks even crying over spilled milk is beyond me. I mean right after you ran your big mouths too. And still stuck in the dimension where they are a reigning champions with 5 European titles under their belt.

But to put your club in the same breath as other big clubs. Now, that gotta be some high quality shit you're fucken smoking. Must be.

Savoury

God, I'm such a slow slow starter. I'm still savouring, and as a matter of fact, savouring it more and more with each passing day ever since that match. THAT win.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mohd Fakhrolruzi on Pinterest

Tevez proving the cunt he is.

The win has got all the flavours a United fan could ask for. Beating the fucklots at their home. Tevez coming in and was initially thought a saviour only to eventually concede a freekick that prove to be the decisive moment for the derby match.

Also him coming in and quickly getting into the thick of things and acting in a direct proportion with the ugly prick he is, as quickly; kicking Jones, getting involved in heated face-offs and running like a headless chicken, as if winning could come with brawns alone.

And most fucken importantly United being United, leaving it late, coming back from behind and in the process got.. Can I get a drum roll here please ?

CITY FANS THINKING THEY COULD'VE SOMEHOW WIN THIS!!!

Source: Uploaded by user via Mohd Fakhrolruzi on Pinterest

You thought that for second, didn't you ? Didn't you ? Muahahahahahaha.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mohd Fakhrolruzi on Pinterest

Almost had you didn't we ? Wargh kargh kargh kargh kargh kargh

That right there, the moment when you had them in the clouds, only to snatch it away soooo late the game. That is the juice. Platinum gold right there.

Stupid fucken Ciddeh fans thinking that they could, within the smelly feet distance, sniff an unprecedented win, peg us one back right under our noses - or to the least - a draw - and that was of course until Robin Van Perfect hit it home. Thanks to Ciddeh's pathetic chief antagonist-somehow-pathetically-turned-saviour, Lord Ugly Tevez tripped Rafael's leg just outside the penalty box and gave United a freekick deep into the injury time.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mohd Fakhrolruzi on Pinterest

Another classic example why its not hard to hate these fuckers. Ciddeh, producing degenerates since inception.

"If RvP was to be asked where would he prefer to take his spot kick from, that couldn't have been to far" was the commentator's remark prior RvP's goal. And so it was, in what was to be one of the sweetest victory over our noisy noisy neighbours. 

And of course, how could have I commit such travesty and omit this.

Ciddeh was unbeaten on the Etihad ground over 38 games prior to the match. Pretty impressive stuff, I initially thought to myself, until the commentator added "stretched over 2 years" - pooffffffffffff - what the fuck - that was so funny, I almost peed myself. A Ciddeh fan listening to that must've been wondering what did he do wrong to deserve such condescending under-mine. Wakakakakakak. Even a neutral commentator feels fitting to take a dig at Ciddeh - albeit accidentally on his part.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mohd Fakhrolruzi on Pinterest

A cunt fans getting into a tussle with the stewards and policemen. What better way to bent your frustration than to a totally unrelated parties, right ?

United. Demolishing Ciddeh's hope since 2010.

Muahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Biasa Ah Fakhrol

I can't sleep after my usual 15-minutes nap-went-awry and midnite Nescafe (after more Nescafe during the day, not to mention). So what else. You thought of some bullshit that leads to another prolific bullshitism. 

So in relation to the first quote that I think classy, I thought of something better, if we're in parallel universe per se;

Porn is temporary, keras is permanent

Wakakakakakakakakakakak

I really need to get some sleep. Like seriously. Like dead serious. Like right now. OK now I'm gonna go do that serious face in front of the mirror.

OK I lied. Off to watch the newly downloaded Manchester derby match again. Weeeeee

The City Is Ours!

Yeah fucken right the city is yours. Where are all those yapping mouths when the derby's done and dusted ? United bought them referees ? You were lucky daddy was there to save your arse from further embarrassment. One clear goal disallowed and a penalty waived off. We bought the ref ? Fuck you. 

"Form is temporary, class is permanent" 

United. For life.

Dawn of 2012

The dawn of 2012 has brought with it a couple of mishaps for me in the form of dislocated shoulder, ANOTHER accident and more recently (last night , actually) a swollen gum which in turn swelled my face and so bad I couldn't sleep all night long (just by thinking about it brings about the spoooooks :/ )

So yeah, 2012 hasn't been so nice to me. Oh well, have I been nice enough to warrant kindness from it is the question I should be answering. So thank you God, for your countless blessings.

Off to Taiping in a couple of minutes. Well, another fixture which brings about a mixture of feelings I couldn't grasp upon.

So laters  skaters!

She Is