A Day In My Life

Started the day working out. Workouts release dopamine that brings about happiness, supposedly. So I was whistling my way to the office. The weather couldn't be nicer. Rays of sunlight pierced through my polarized Zara shades. And my Alpine Bluetooth car stereo was blaring one of my favorite songs.

Niceness.

But just as I was stepping on the gas of my newly equipped turbo-charged Kancil to max pedal, simply because I like how it goes, the car right in front of me, in fact, lines of cars in front of me, came to a sudden halt. Many a times have I been told the current braking system that I'm employing just doesn't cut it to cater the new found power under the hood.

So the cars came to a sudden halt, and there I was braking and braking since my approximation estimates that I wouldn't make it in time to stop the car totally - hence I had to maneuver the car to the left, practically wobbling about all the while my front tyres were screaming and screeching so loudly that I bet people around must have thought there was already an accident or something. But thanks be to Allah that nothing happened. I was left to wonder alone and crooking a smile - from a seemingly anonymous feelings. Something in between embarrassment and being proud. Weird. But that's exactly how the crooked smile felt.

So I reached the office with nothing eventful after that. And yes, true to what they say, workouts do make you happy. Especially morning ones. So I was feeling hyper, practically greeting, hand-shaking, winking everybody that I met along the way. Settling long-pending outstandings and ticking off checklists. 

That was until the very moment I forwarded an email to Finance Department. An email I took almost 2 hours to craft. Dilly dallying between direct and subtle finger-pointing to Finance. Don't wanna piss these people off, but at the same time I'm tired of taking unnecessary fall for things I do not know about. The fault was Finance's. But the challenge was to craft that email so artfully that Finance will think that it was a compliment.

I spent almost 2 hours perfecting the correspondence, all in the good name of the unit and all in the name of resolving bullshits. To manage things so subtle, I tried my hardest not to piss anyone off in the process. And all I got in return from my immediate superior was the loudest yell of my name and a good, straight to the heart scolding. 

THANK YOU. But FUCK YOU.

With mouth so uninsured, you'd think that I have a heart made of steel. But no. Hell no. I take scoldings especially from my superiors like a sore loser. I hate being scolded. Because I'm special. And go fuck yourself if you can't live with that. I have NEVER been scolded EVER in my professional years and I will NEVER be ready for one.

I'm not the problem. YOU picking fights with practically everybody and feeling lousy about it later is symptom enough for this hypothesis. Hence stop trying to find a solution for the trouble that YOU are. Its like trying to locate an ant's anus from 93,000,000 miles away from the face of the earth. That's the sun's distance for you intellectually challenged chaps out there.

Sheep, lambs, goats but WHO's counting ?

For The Hardest Thing Is Not To Learn, But To Unlearn.

Met the guys from the old office lunch tadi. Smiles.

Met Kak Ida. I think I was myself again for I dunno how long. A part of me I left at the AMC when we were forced to move. I didn't realize it, I was like THIS (picture me doing the backward 'C') talkative. Am I that lonely in HQ ? I've read somewhere that one tends to be talkative when one's lonely. Or in a lonely place. Or is feeling lonely. Or something to do with solitude.

I wish the Me of today could tell the Me of yesterday that everything is gonna be OK. That everything is gonna be alright. That everything will be fine.

Then I wish the Future Me would whisper that "This too shall pass.." or "You'll get through this.." - A smile on my face as I type this. Yes, this too shall pass. I've already known the secret. Problem with me, is that I know everything. Yet I know nothing.

"I could not become anything, neither bad nor good, neither a scoundrel nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect, and now I'm eking my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything; that only a fool can become something." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Out of place. Perhaps. But that was what transpired in my mind as I type the paragraph preceding the quote by Mr. Dostoevsky.

I was happy to see them. Loved the shirt that I managed to 'pow' Kak Ida from. But the pix has failed to reach the masses due to an unseen circumstance thanks to Anna Mawiati. Damnit.

Disappointment.

I would've just accepted it had it been someone else but you. You disappoint me to the point of me just sitting there staring into blank space, which, mind you, I wouldn't even bother had it come harsher, even harsher than this. Had it come from someone else.

But you. Someone I hold highly. Someone I look at times, for guidance. Clearly, things you said before weren't sincere, clearly, I don't know what to make of the kinship we had. Was that real, or was it just part of a bigger charade.. ?

Entahlah..

Rooting For Maggie

There's a book / rhyme book coming out, around the corner. The outrage it causes.. But wait. This is me blogging up in office hours. Yes blame the technical guys for failing me, for failing to fix the bug in my Lotus Notes email application. And special mention goes to the guys who walk in the corridors of power at our Corporate Office for the unnecessary burden that I have to shoulder, all for their own perverted idealism.

You sit high on your pretty horses while I work my ass off trying to paint the picture of your 'idealism'. Why do I have to bear the brunt of your gloriously misinformed stupid attempt on trying to right the wrong, when all you're doing is wronging it even more.

OK.. I digress.

Rooting for Maggie. Balik nanti sambung. Boo!

Sighs.

On top of having multiple URGENT workload at the same time and the ever bugging HQ people breathing down my neck for their petty reports. Now 5S. Seriously. What the. Does it look like we have some spare time to you ? Oh as a matter of I do. I just blogged.

Arghhhhhhhh tensennya.

p/s: BG is back. Euw.

*wiping the screen off the green puke*

Oh What A Feeling!

pic possibly related & the author might be feeling something like this.

Oh what a feeling. To be signing off from a damn fuckin hectic week. Not to mention signing off from the people who, I loath, just by a mere thought of. OK, those are the 6 most space consuming words of my life.

Why ruin a good weekend to come for the likes. OK. Another life shortening span of words. Enough.

I'm happy.

1. Training Course in Labuan 16-17 Dec.
2. Backpacking Up Yours The 24-29 Dec.

Oh what a feeling. :D

And this. I dedicate this to one of the fiercest rivalries in modern football. Lets toast it up for United & Arsenal. Both great teams with great histories. And 2 of the most respectable figures in English Premier League - Sir Alex Ferguson & Arsene Wenger.

Match is gonna happen Dec 13. I am not really optimistic about the fixture but excited nonetheless.

2-1 win for United. I hope. I sincerely hope. Pretty please ? :|

The 10sighs Post

I'm just sad. :(

Keadaan di ofis tidak cukup dengan keje yang aku tak suka tapi kene buat sebab boss specifically mentioned my name for the person he wanted on the scope. Not to mention the rambling of the ever-unappreciative co-workers.

I don't like what I'm doing and what a good feeling it is to know that you're being hated on because of something you were forced to like. Give me a break. I don't like what I do and its just too damn bad that I'm good at it while you suck at practically everything that were laid your way. Tough luck Piggy.

And what is sadder even is that you're MY superior. And for you to be dwelling on petty stuffs like 'bos puji this or that person' makes me shrug at the thought of the future of this company. Small minds just don't fit into the bigger picture. Get Management101 you fat pig.

God I hate you with a passion.

Draft. A Little Story About Not So Little Fat Pig.

There was once a Fat so Pig. They called her Huge. No she wasn't from any descendants of Mark Hughes, the Manchester United great whatsoever. And you're mightily mistaken if you would think that she's a cute cuddly black pig a la Ryoga.

And this is a draft. Rest assured I shall come back and and cum at the back of your mind.

The Coroner's Note - Death of Inspiration.
Time of Death: N/A
Current Listen: The Shirelles - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow.mp3

Listening to the current song and I just remembered something of substantial depression. Lately, everything and anything will somehow come to me at the light speed of stress. Be it work, life and the people involved. Words wouldn't begin to justify the intensity of the pressure. Yet that sheer intensity has only rendered me somehow - void. Empty.

Its Ironic, really.

Everything is done and required in a rushing manner. Yet the further the track runs, the more clueless I am of where am going. Have had days where I practically dragged my feet to go to work. Whats more bothering is the fact that the cycle of this confusion has only grown more constant in recent times. Where it used to be once or twice a month - now is once or twice a week.

I've forgotten where I started and what did I start these sprints for.

Dying for Inspiration - even a tiny flicker.

Same Shit Different Mouths.

Owen's a Devil. What shock.

On the heavier note - Sighs. Sighs. That's all I do. Been taking office assignments home for quite a while now. Its depressing. And this is just an out-of-nowhere, ad-hoc assignment, I haven't even started firing holes in Microsoft Excel's blank sheets just yet. And that is the real deal. The one with a hefty price tag and a deadline. The Monthly Sales Report. But then again, we were taught to prioritize, and this was something that HOC himself scratched his temple projecting at the SGM's instruction.

And it just doesn't help one bit if the surrounding fails quite miserably to grasp the situation. Its so much frustrating, it drains your drive, consumes your will at a whim. Persons firing shots at will without much less a thought, landing to conclusions absorbed by their delusions. Ass-suming. God, you're so good at flame throwing your assumptions, your mind reeks of Ne-cavity (read: Negativity).

I think am getting mushy. Mcm punde-

The Deadlock Post.

Am applying for a new job. Well its quite a renowned institution.

Am so hoping that I'll get this deal. I've reached the point here, where enough is just enough. Am given a task too many with all of them tagged - URGENT!!

So tell me how the hell do I prioritize ?

Sales reports on its monthly basis is as is busy as it is. Its a practice full of running high and low just to get the sales' figures of 150 (and still counting) something outlets tabulated - and oh, not to mention ACCURATELY, from a few different sources namely - The System & The People.

Good Lord, when you combine these forces and confront them on your own, the result is genocide. The system relies heavily on the availability of the network and albeit the human factor, so it still pretty much boggles down to the reliant of human perps. Plus the flaws that are seemingly forever make it even merrier.

And when it all seems lost.. Well, you're just gonna lose even more.

Relying on human - the so called retailers, to submit their sales figures to us so that we could charge them on Royalty basis and rentals. How luvly do you think that is ? Granted, there are a few good natured retailers who submit their sales figures on time and didn't twist and turn the figure here and there to their likings. How many of them do you think even exist in the world ? Well chances are as slim as Anne Roxias going on hunger strike.

So now sum it up to complete just a report. And multiply the life-draining efforts to a quadruple of times. What you get is an even more comprehensive weekly sales basis. Single handedly engineered by our new Senior General Manager (SGM). Lovely character, really. So now you do the same exact runs, only just 4 times the effort. INsignificant if you ask me. No am not lying, you bitch !

There you go. Now come the ownership of Point of Sales (POS) machine that I was entrusted with as the guardian. Some people, as loads of them hover over the corporate atmosphere, they would say that its just a matter of sending the retailers the form, get them to fill in all the blanks, deliver the system, bill them accordingly - and zoom your work is done. You score an A. Easy fucks.

If you would just take your time to notice, pause for a bit - Play all the actions again, backwards. What you get in betweens are -

• Getting the retailers to reach me, which if ever a kucing is gonna have tanduk, maybe they would, or as has become the standard practice, I have to reach them over, rub their shoulders and hand them the forms.
  
• Contact them should they fail to resubmit the thing.
  
• Coordinate the placement of how many POS for how many tenants.
  
• Knowing the exact geographical coordinate of their outlet's location - lest they would have an outlet on top of Mt. Everest and having problems connecting with KLIA's VLAN.
  
• Coordination work and liaising with respective departments, who are yet to fall short on staff when the time requires them most.
  
• The ever so tangled means of billing and;
  
• a few hundred thousand over etcetras more.

Well that is all.

Then come the less twisted scopes, credit control dicks and pussies. The special SM and SGM's office culprits. And a few more that I might have forgotten to mention, which I am terribly sorry of but still fuck you any any ways. Those are the less twisted works, days when I emphasize on those job is the most luvly, so luvlyI could go back home as early as 8.oo PM. Nevermind that it's exceeded 3 hours after the real balik time. But who cares. Those who went back, and me - We are 2 sides of the same coin. We may work under the same roof but am sorry am not your ordinary Joe Breadwinner. Yea right.

So there goes my 2 millions, hence spare your 2 cents if you're planning on a donation spree. Am just tired.. Sometimes I feel like its pointless. They all are. Everyday is another cycle of struggles and pressures. Rarely that I complete one job in a day and move to another one. Instead I juggle everything simultaneously and continue them the next day. So instead of a job settled and another one in progress, its two jobs delayed - since EVERYTHING is urgent.

And the fact that our company has been denied staffs recruitment makes it even more frustrating and surely the light that was seemingly bright at the end of the tunnel, now are no more than a mere few light matches survival - on a pitch black night.

Its noteworthy to say that I do love my job. I love the people, SOME of the colleagues, the environment, the experiences, the chances and the faith that my superiors have given me despite a few of my hiatus(es). The company is nurtured with a good working culture, well the department at least. But its just the point in life, I like to think that everybody have at least one of this point. A point so burdening that motivation is often a distant of home away. Scarce.

Is this goodbye ?

10 Different Ocassions & 1 Single Outcome.

Some people, they're just funny like that. 10 fingers, extended by the duality of arms, pointed, piously I'd like to suppose, to the ones they loath, while they were getting fingered by 10 different individuals, which by nature and right, should have accumulated, by luck, 20 indexes, thumbs and pinkies. And maybe more. Opps I digress, my point being, you sit pretty on top of the throne of the Haves, so the grounds of the Have-nots are by default your off-limit.

And really, the days of mirrors' functionality are long gone. I mean besides lipstick and mascaras, there are some really intriguing functions of the mirror too you know..

Ok I was just being emotional. These imbecils are not even worth a mention, let alone two in my highly Exalted Pieces of Thoughts. I mean you can keep barking at any tree, and that doesnt make you any houlier than thou. You're still a dog, a mad delirious bitch, by extension.

8 scattered pieces of my heart are now once again intact. No, you dunno what am talking about ? Find a piece of Rolodex - Fuck yourself.

Pack & Leave

"I'll settle all the outstandings that I've been entrusted with.." and I continued, with snail-like speed, ".. And I'll look for a transfer..". "Transfer ? transfer where ? ** Dept. ? Yer still gonna face me..", "No, somewhere else, Operations maybe ? Am contemplating to do shift even.."

Despite she thinking that she has managed to convince me to go against my decision of transferring, I've made a silent vow to myself - I'll get these outstandings over with, and I'll go. With a proper leaving manner, of course. I came and was welcomed from the front door " I hope even after I've left this Dept., we're still gonna be friends.. " " I appreciate what you've guided me with, what you've taught me, but colleagues are crucial for your personal performance AND there are some people that you are compatible with, and there are some that are incompatible.. " and I continued.. " And I cant work with her, I've tried.. "

She shouldn't even have budged me, and NO, she didn't, but I've said to a colleague.. " Nobody will make me leave here, nobody. UNLESS I WANT IT TO BE.."

And I think its high time for me to leave..

The Epitome of Idiocy.
Nota Kaki : The Prophecy of Doom to our World !

Rewritten this fucking entry for almost i dont wanna fuckin know how many times. Gi mampus. Fuck am exhausted. And plusses feeling at the bottom of my feeling. Am fuckin angry and I dunno how to express it unlike certain so called fuckin colleague ? Colleague my fuckin' ass. Die out. And die out quick.

The bitch has managed to piss me off and getting away with it for far too long. Any dude that knew me long enough know that I am a fuckin reasonable head. I dont lose my head too easily. But this fuckin Dog poop is a total exception. Who the fuck do you think you are to wave your fingers at me and expect me to run and lick your shoe's bottom ?

Oh what the flying fuck, she manages to make it sound so tragic and sad that I'm being rude to her. Oh my superior bought that ! And I, could've only helplessly smirk and hiss at her being oh so dramatic. lol. Sob Drama Queen. We luv ya, really. Therefore, go fuck yerself. And that smirk and hiss, in front of my boss, wont do me any justice in her oh so dramatic false claims. In which I manage to get a nice remark in return " That, is one the sign of being rude ". lol. Am Genius !

I regret not the things Ive said and done, only that I wish that I didnt lose my head. Coz man I really lose it... :(

Idiots piss me off. :((

Fuck them.

At the end of the day, The Blog, is still the best of my lonely company..