The dreadpost.

One of those days eye feel like am better off dead - The extend of what I feel about having to ask and did what I did.

/away - colors of sin & the scent of guilt

I Wonder Why..

..the people have failed so triumphantly, to notice a simple yet pretty much mind-boggling fact, that this 50 years old government has managed to burden the life of its citizen for decades. And whats funny, under the citizens' noses with the citizens' consent - self explanatory under the premise of - citizens voted them into the office.

The "simple yet pretty much mind-boggling fact" I say, is the simple fact that, the price of goods will definitely, significantly be increased RIGHT AFTER the election. I have observed the obvious pattern so long as my analytical and critical side of the brain develops to be aware of the impact from such issues. Having seen my parents sighing on our dinner table since ever before that, back when I was still but a small brat.

Well its logical for the manufacturers and tradesmen to share the increased cost with the consumers by channeling the cost directly to the end-product. Higher costs, spiraling from the hikes of petrol price, electricity and water tariffs have left the parties few choices aside from increasing the price - barring a few sly, advantage taking manufacturers and tradesmen.

Well people might say that the Malays are so used of being pampered and is now throwing the toys out of their pram, having to face the Reality punch. Me being a Malay and getting out of the Malays' usual way by asking questions, but I digress, the question is why AFTER THE ELECTION ? Well it doesn't stop there, NO. But the commencement of the whole price hike showdown will kick off RIGHT AFTER the election.

My take is that because so much money was wasted in the electoral campaigns, the needs arise for the government to recoup the lost and by doing so through imposing the surcharges to the citizens. And whats even more despicable, by justifying all this through legal means and official mainstream medias, which they remotely control in the first place. What a bunch of thieves disguised by the malicious smile of politicians.

Mismanagement ? Now thats an understatement.

Strange Days, Strange Days Indeed.

Am so fuckin' pissed that I dunno, what to write about. Basically, there are no more good or trustworthy things to watch on TV. Main piss stream medias serve nothing but as the deceitful tongue of arrogant leaders. Citizens are expected to shut up and threaten of should they grow more balls to voice out their grievance. Lies, deceit, power abuse, scandals, conspiracies ran rampant in the face of what remains of what used to be an Economic Tiger of South East Asia.

Stupefying the Malays has worked since the despicable era of the Brits, where the sons of the farmers and fishermen are to inherit their parents' job. This works just well with the Brits because the Malays are the Son of the Soil (bumiputra) of Tanah Melayu, thus by stupefying them, the Brits can well go on with the pillage of Tanah Melayu's resources, unhalted. A move who would've thought would, after decades, be used against the Malays again, shockingly even, BY THE MALAYS.

The Pussy Minister screams of "Do not Challenge Me !" when pushed against the wall - to sound downright defensive, which has won him loads of DISScredits and oh, lack of respect. Not to mention, none at all parallel of what a well educated person would say, let alone a leader. Dumbfuck.

The Deputy Pussy Minister on the other hand, slick, sick, ambitious - yet evil smothered with some scents of Idiocy, however. Running scared coz his pink underwear was about to fall off, just to sound cocky again, the next day, when this certain Catastrophe (Bala) made a total U-turn from a People's Champion to an oversexed Pussy. A Hero never he was, a Zero nonetheless.

And what is it with us ? A 60 year old man who has just underwent his spinal surgery, sodomizing a healthy 23 year old Idiot, with a well built frame (but obviously not the brain) ? Against the Idiot's will ? What the fuck ? Are you fuckin' stupid ? Bodoh punya Melayu.

The Pussy Minister is a Once In A Lifetime failure - U don't find this kind of idiotically brave Saya-Pantang-Dicabar leader in 2 lifetimes. Period.

Malaysia's Filthy Political Playing Groun- err, Ass ?

Sai-full Bukhari Azlan - Read more here

Opps they did AGAIN, every 10 years is it ? Another sodomy charge on the same man, from the same ruling party - with a slightly different idiotic spinners. Wow, Anwar does tend to get horny when his political career is on the brink of Make or Break, no ?

When he defied Mahathir a decade ago, he sodomized Azizan, now that he's defying the current administration, he sodomized this pathetic, shallow looking Sai-full* ? My God, every time there's an attempt to shake the Corridors of Power, somebody had to be sodomized. What filthy lying fucking bastards we have up in the top administration of our beloved country.

Sai-full dude, take the money, you're not gonna live off easy with the filthy monies anyway, I DON'T hope, like every rationale and fair-minded Malaysian does, that you repent, - what I do hope though, is that you burn in the abyss of eternal scorching flames for the rest of your afterlife.

You've made your family's life hard enough for having the brain the size of a peanut, now you're making them breath even harder for having to acknowledge that you're one of them. Big ups.

* Sai means shit in Japanese, but who cares anyways, so long as it fits my anger's bill..

The Newpaper, The Box & A Raizzen (Hepi Burfdaye Dear)

Time to unscramble the temple of my thought
With words that shall leave u with - Oh my God !

Travelled to the end of my mind, seeking tirelessly
Words beautiful enough to inscript My One and Only

I wonder why my heart pounds so much when U crossed my mind
Thats when I realize that I breath U, Sunshine !

I didnt lie to U when U asked me Did I send U something
Coz I sent U someone - just like what U ask me, Darling.

So with Newspaper, a box and a Raizzen barely in a hay
I extend to you my warmest of Greetings - Happy Quite A Belated Birthday !

Just Go (Don't Look Back)

Portugal out of Euro 2008, serve Ronaldo just right. Don't get me wrong, am a staunch Manchester United fan, and I don't have any grudge against Portugal coz frankly, I think they possess some of the greatest talents in the world. Its just that LATELY, I've been getting weary of Ronaldo's childish antics and oh, grrreed.

1. Childish Antics

Yes, the dude's TALENTED. Hands down. But why, why in the whole wide world that you'd think that the mess' judgment would weigh on your side simply because of that ? Say, the dude stops the game, simply because HE BELIEVES that this other dude from this other team has fouled him. OMG, you don't simply stop the game until the ref's blown his whistle, thats basic, no ? You'd be gloriously getting a slap on your face telling a 6-year old kid to stop the game simply because you believe that he was roughed up. Erm, maybe I was getting a little too far there, but I think I speak of my point quite clearly.

2. Grrrrrrreed.

OK, Real Madrid are champions, yes nobody's questioning that. But Manchester United are the clear winners for the recent Champions League campaign, AND a consecutive winner for two Premier Leagues, if he's so keen on winning trophies. So what the fuck are these talks about him being 'uncertain about his future, until Euro has wrapped up' ? Henceforth, keeping the probable transfer window open. Nothing but pure grrrreed and stardom (?) seeking bastard, I'd say.

What about all these Galácticos who's all keen to play in Spain regardless of so many Galáctico-turn-Gelakgilo once they entered Spanish stage ? Are their balls too big that they're blinded to all this ?

And now Portugal is out of the picture, decide now. And if hes so keen to leave, let him be, MU doesnt need a bratty and arrogant punk who thinks hes so big that he's helped MU win this and that trophies, we keep and recruit PURE talents who wants to PLAY FOR US. Premier League wasnt won alone, same goes or even more so for the Champions League, so if you think you're a super LONE force to be reckon with, go ahead and leave.

Daulat Tuanku !

Today, Malaysians shall celebrate our Agung, (DYMM) Al-Wathiqu Billah Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin Ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Mahmud Al-Muktafi Billah Shah's official birthday.

And it brings me great pleasure to say that Your Majesty is one of the few very modest King Malaysia has seen in ages. His heart is with the Rakyat. Though little can be done, under limited authority, thanks to our beloved Tun Dr. Mahathir, Your Majesty has managed to pull some of the most extravagant actions for instance, refusing to hand over the MB post to Iblis, err, I mean Idris Jusoh.

This, my friends, am telling you, was a turning point to the Royalties that have long been treated by AMNO goons as mere ceremonial puppets, no offense intended. Your Majesty was telling the whole Sultan-ship - "This is how YOU should do it". And whether or not Your Majesty has succeeded in captaining the Sultan-ship, just look at the situation in Perak and Perlis.

Your Majesty shed tears when parting ways with the Terengganu's palace -

“Although physically I will be far away, it will only be out of sight, but not out of mind. The fact is, I will always be in the hearts of the Terengganu people..”

An exemplary of a King indeed, a People's King. Long live the King !

My 2 & Government's 78 Cents.

Dont talk to me about subsidy, fools, for I am a layman within the multitude of the Nation's economy. But wait, dont be too quick to accuse me of being ignorant, I know the oil price, hate it or love it, has to increase. Tapi jangan la melampau, Babi.

Kesian gila all the middle-classed Rakyat who have to suffer because of your stupidity. You sit in the comfort of plush leather seats behind your fat chauffeur, how would you know of our pain and grievance.

I hope you know that the Rakyat from all layers and backgrounds are cursing you day and night and I hope you live a long life so that you may witness, like you predecessor does, what you have done, the wrath that you've brought upon the usually 'takpelah' Malays and the unjustly treated fellow Chinese and Indian Rakyat.

And from the bottom of heart I say that if the price hikes aren't meant for the benefit of Rakyat or the money saved from the ever-boasted, subsidy ill spent - Aku tak halalkan duit tu and I hope you got burned in the hell of scorching flames for the dark clouds that you've casted upon innocent and misled Rakyats.

Dont talk to me about subsidy, fools, for I am a layman within the multitude of Nation's economy. But wait, dont be too quick to accuse me of being ignorant, I know the oil price, hate it or love it, has to increase. Tapi jangan la melampau, Babi.

Kesian gila all the middle-classed Rakyat who have to suffer because of your stupidity. You
sit in the comfort of plush leather seats behind your fat chauffer, how would you know of
our pain and grievance.

I hope you know that the Rakyat from all layers and backgrounds are cursing you day and night
and I hope you live a long life so that you may witness, like you predecessor does, what
you have done, the wrath that you've brought upon the usually 'takpelah' Malays and the
unjustly treated fellow Chinese and Indian Rakyat.

And from the bottom of heart I say that if the price hikes arent meant for the benefit of
Rakyat or the money from saved from the ever-boasted subsidy ill spent - Aku tak halalkan
duit tu and I hope you got burned in the hell of scorching flames.

Am In Love.

I luv my government, really. What just rulers would selflessly put the Rakyat first before anything else other than the respective Malaysian government of ours. I mean fuck, so considerate they are, we are enjoying oil price cheaper than of our neighboring countries namely Singapore, Thailand and the sorts - nevermind their income basis. And oh Malaysians are never really bothered with the fact that we are an exporter too. So Yay! to that.

Wait I havent finished yet.

And so damn considerate are these individuals that are walking in the corridors of power of our country, they want their people to be healthy. "Avoid obesity" or "belajar berjimat" are the sorts of timely and accurate advices that us Malaysians require of. So friends, let us all heed these calls by our leaders and walk hand in hand in realizing the true healthy Malaysian spirit. Oh dont mention the ministers, they need all the rice, I mean for God's sake, these are the people that have selflessly, day in day out, thinking about the betterment of our country and her people. They would no doubt, be needing the rice, nevermind their obesity too, coz you can bet that their brain would be as big as their tummy, if not bigger. They need that ok ? So shut your trap up and submit Punks ! This is for your own good.

And I bear no curiosity why would Ezam leave his comrades, promises and vows rushing to the embrace of AMNO. Well, they've got good leaders, no ? These people are so hell bent on strengthening Malaysia, our beloved country, they are middle-named after the word Rakyat. Of course their first and last name wouldn't be Perompak and Malaysia, respectively. No no, not these people. Positive.

Oh my God, am so touched. Like an old friend of mine used to say, "Touch the hearts and you get to touch the breast".

P/S : depar ylsuoenatlumis gnieb si aisyalaM. Big ups.

Malaysia Oh Malaysiaku..

Dasar kita adalah dasar berbaik-baik dengan jiran, betul ? Baiknya kita dengan jiran kita sampai sebidang tanah tergadai pun dikira sedekah. Mengadu kat Tok Ketua, Tok Ketua bagi jiran kita sebidang tanah, kita dapat 2 bijik batu, boleh buat alas pasu bunga, kata Tok Ketua. Kita dengan tanpa segan atau silunya kata keputusan ni adil, dan ia adalah satu sesuatu yang orang putih kata, 'win-win situation'.

OH MY GOD apa bodoh sialnya mamat sorang ni. Thats a fuckin win-win ? OMG ! I better rape somebody and apologize later and says that it was a win-win situation, since the victim was probably having fun on her end as well, yea ? OMG! Bodoh nak mampus sial.

Jambatan Bengkok - scrapped. In the name of golf budd-, err, I mean goodwill between neighbours. 4 bils something project, scrapped in the name of goodwill between neighbours. Pulau Batu Puteh - kalah, but they say its ok anyways coz our PM has got a good tie dengan these S'pore punks. Wilayah Iskandar something dekat Johor nu, come another 40-50 years after the leasing period, after all these Setan Buncit dah makan kenyang-kenyang duit haram and died probably bedding with cash, lets all not act surprise if this same exact Batu Puteh II episode will come to play once again. We all shall then say " Ahhhh, deja vuuuuuu " schmiling in agreement while a few slaps are stamped on our proud Malaysia Boleh face. Yay !

And here comes the author's note: Dont get me wrong, I love my country and I'd die protecting it and alas, the harshness of my words just reflect how utter my disappointments are toward the strong, bersih, cekap dan amanah leadership of our country. And am not, by all means, trying to encourage sexual obscenity or rape in my article. I luv women (rape is not love, you damned fools !). If you would understand metaphors, then I dont see any problems with the article.

Till then,

Rzn x 10 sighs.

Malays' Politics, Political Malays, Bla Bla Bla

Malays losing power ? lol. What the fuck are you bitches saying ? There are now 121 MP's in the Parliament compared to 120 of 2004 post General-Election. Malays losing power ? Or their shallow interpretation of the Malays are of that political Malays MUST be made of AMNO fools ?

Aww c'mon, did the voters swing hit you on the head too hard ?

LOL. Punks.

10.39 AM

Feeling rather messed up. Planned to schleep as long as I could so that the sorrows will just begone when am awake. Only to be awaken by mom's family breakfast ramblings. Kereta rosak pulak, sighs, why now. Of course the grass is greener on the other side, yet everything I touched turns blueish. I need company lest I will only be only accompanied by these darkness of sorrows.

Looks like I'll be updating the Blog more often now since I dont really have anyone to spill my feelings to.

Thanx for being here.

10.43 AM

I think I should get myself a camera so that I can play with it and transcend the digital pixels into some meanings. Hrmmm, Canon ? But I like Sony..

12.00 PM ++

Feeling lonely ass hell. Missing my Kancil badly. I wanna go outttttttt. Wheres my cig, I need some schmoke.

6.46 PM



Wake up from some afternoon nap. Feeling rather dreadful.

11.56 PM

Mamak stall, it was already 3-1 and Nani sent off before the interval. But its OK. We were just showing why exactly Chelsea should remain the Blues. Heh.

Politik Melayu.

Politik Melayu.. Politik Melayu.. When will these fuckers wake up and smell some good coffee. And you wonder why BN was doing so wonderfully well in the polling stations last March 8. Its leading party, the UMNO has lost its stint and yet, I still find it miraculous that they haven't wake up from their nice slumber. Politik Melayu is irrelevant Goddamnit ! Its so yesterday, history, fullstop !

Yes, it was a relevant and celebrated cause back in the Tunku-days, yes it was relevant in the pre-Independence day, yes it WAS. No denying it. And whoever is trying to minisculize it should be hanged to public contempt. But thats that. Yet, in those days, I mean a little after the tragic events of May 69', you start to see these Indians singing Malay songs, Alleycat for instance, Chinese acting in Malay movies et ceteras. Weird. That was when Politik Melayu was relevant and the Malays were so fond of UMNO, but now its weird when that sentiment is slowly wearing off, by right, the non-Malays should have come closer to us and ?

The total opposite.

Shocking ? Tell me that the night is dark, instead. We should have graduated from this racial barriers long ago, but why, why are we still at the old notch ? Or getting worse even ? Why ? Coz these UMNO punks and their henchmen have been unnecessarily spinning and fuming the same old fucking stupid manifestos, right when they feel that they are no more needed. Its just a simple psychological maneuver, one that you control people by instilling fear in their hearts. Genius, yea right. I bought that.

UMNO is history, its just so sad that the predecessors cant even come close to having the charisma of its founding fathers. Sad.

Racial politic is plain stupid - Islam will do.

Have I ever forgotten..?

Have I ever forgotten..?
Oh yes I might just be

And I thought the grass is greener
On the other side

Yet am proven - by the Other Wise
Its always blue - and its always You

And You alone
Shall face this

Have I ever forgotten..?
Oh yes I might just be

Should've trusted the Infinite Power
of Solitary

In Stead of, the two & three
There was never a You & Me

Please Insert An Emoticon ____

..Tell me to live without & how am I supposed to ? U defines my heartbeat
It still doesn't feel real 'til I woke up with a pillow full of tears that I bleed..

Scared of the dark, yet somehow, the feeling that your hands are within reach
..has got me feeling like am thousand miles away when I've just moved an inch..

Its only so much and already I've missed U, a feeling that places NONE above U
A recurring sound that sounds a little something just like this - I Love U.

At The End of The Day.. INU Still Defines US II.

The whole world could've turned their back on you
They walk not their talks, run a mile in your shoe ?

Oh Please.

Fuck livin' Lavish, rather enjoy the Luxury of your company..
.. and only, ONLY Nothing could come between You & me..

.. for I shall be the light from the darkness that befriends U..
..Coz Darling, at the end of the day - I told U, its still INU.

At The End of The Day.. INU still Defines US.

I tried to word out how meaningful you are to me..
& only manage to phrase the literal surface of Thee.

Penning the weight of my feelings on the lightness of these pages
Inking the plays of 'I love U' on the center stage

6 million lives that define the entire earth's population
And all I want is this one mere soul - fuck the other portion.

If luving U is Right, then I dont care of whats Left !
& Life could've struck me with harsh notes, I rather be tone deaf.

Grant me this dance for it takes 2 to Tango, and sway
Audienced by the stars, dance flooring the milky ways

If U ask me, no yer not the only one in my heart - yer one with it !
Tell me to live without & how am I supposed to ? U defines my heartbeat.

Pardon my ways that are no stranger to being strange & weird
But even after that, you're still the one I love, period.

Just know that if yer drowning in your tears
I'm sinking within oceans of guilt, dear.

SHE treads silver linen in the sky SHE graces
And draws about golden sparkle for the place SHE hovers

SHE's but a paper plane, one that I'd shelter through the rain
One I'd live with and to die for - nevermind the pain.

SHE's but a paper plane, seemingly fragile.. yet ambitious !
SHE is - One that I luv, substance I need for INU to define US.

Khir Toyo Has Got Himself A Bologggg !!!!11
Nota Kaki : Saya masih skeptikal. Tiada kemaafan dipinta, pun begitu. :/

Pix courtesy of - shw.fotopages.com

Khir's Legendary Bologggg!!!!11

The Untitled Post.

Mat Nor : Ko tak tau .. ? Abang Ali dah meniggal.. (No, you dunno ? Ali has passed away..)

Myself : Aaaa.. ? Bila .. ? (When was that ?)

Mat Nor informed me and I pause to check on his facial expression, trying to ascertain whether or not this is one of those pre-April Fool slapsticks. And there he was, serious as hell and there I was too, numb & dumbfounded. Knocked by a bunch of mixed feelings, I was in shock, disbelief and more so, Sorrow. I mean we used to had breakfast and jokes with each other and it just felt like it was just yesterday I was having breakfast with him. And now this ? It just seems so Unreal.

He was a good man, big hearted for somewhat small position he was entrusted to. Smiles have never failed to be within the vicinity of his face. A peculiar habit of shaking everybody's hands despite meeting them like ALMOST everyday. We sometimes laugh at this weird habit of his, but that just goes to show how much of a good man he was, I mean we find it peculiar, because we ourselves, COULD NOT HAVE DONE what the man had done.

Sedihnya.

"..And now am dreading and taunting myself with bitter and useless questions.."

Why do Fireflies depart so soon.. ?

Al-Fatihah.

In the schmiling memories of Mohd Ali Napiah bin Majid,

Rzn
23 Rabi'ul Awal 1429 Hijrah
31st March 2008
10.06 AM

Current Listen : Blue October - Hate Me.mp3

I feel totally outside of the world driving home from minum session with a friend, its like my head was spinning 720 degress

Idealism Part II
Nota Kaki : The continuation from the previous Idealism.

Idealism Part erm, One ?

Are we too old for Idealism ? Were we too young for not being Idealistic ? The dude traveled to Terengganu with hopes, though I doubted that someone with a temper with the size of a teaspoon would've made it. Gave him the benefit of my doubt, nonetheless. Off he shoot to Terengganu with some quick little strategies we manage to table, though, I had hoped that I too, can be present with him just so that I'd keep him in check just in case his short fuse is about to blow or whatever. But that, never did materialized, given the commitments I was entrusted with and the ad hoc nature of the journey.

Told him to keep in touch, to report on stations he's arrived at and to talk to me FIRST before coming into whatever crucial decisions that he will be down to . So there he was, calling me for a few times that night. Reporting. When he did not call me back after the last time he'd contacted when he's reached Kuala Terengganu, I was slightly worried (I know what you're thinking, but the dude was not himself, you know).

Later that day, around half past five, my cellphone rang, it was his :

Me : Assalamualaikum Naz..
S : * Answers the Salam *
Me : Apa cerita ? (Whats up hey ?)
S : Aku dengan dia dah takde apa-apa dah.. (Me & her have already broken up)
Me : What the.. ?
S : Aku dah cakap ngan family dia dah.. Mano-to-Mano talks.. (I've spoken to her family, man-to-man talk)
Me : Aaaaaa.. ? Ko sure ke ni.. ? (Are you sure ?)
S : Aku sure.. Dah la, aku tanak pk pasal ni lagi.. (Am sure, enuff of it I dont wish to think about this anymore..)
S : Aku nak start hidup baru.. ( I wanna start a new life.. )
Me : Ko ni.. Ko marah ni.. ( You're saying this out of being mad.. )

He denied being under the influence of his frustration and the decision he's come to was a rational one and required, given the quagmire he was in. I told him that he's got my unwavering support for so long as his decision was made within the boundaries of Rationality. I reminded him of one thing though. I reminded him of going against whatever he's said that particular day and and its his job as a man, to stick to whatever decision he's come to and to stand by it regardless of what shall come in the future, for long to come.

He affirmed that thats the very thing he plans to do, though, again, I doubted him, given the definiteness of his objective before shooting off to Terengganu. Again, I, out of my definite generosity, offered him the benefit of my doubt anyways. But my doubts were never baseless, the dude was never really cured from the cuts. They were too deep to begin with, now at times, he still rants about getting back, at times talking and being stupid. Most of the time, am just ears, some other time, a whip and a knock on his head will do, just to bring him back to Reality. Just like the time has consumed the strength that he's got once, and how a short period of time has managed to kill him, time too, will rebuild the proof of his presence and assert to his fact-blocking head, of what worth he held.

Us humans, we're weak. We forgot our objective in the absence of numbers and strength. Being alone, alone, is enough to cloud our real purpose of cause. Let alone the batterings and a few slaps of Reality check on our faces. We melt before the coldness of Hardships and evaporate into thin air in the Fahrenheit of Obstacles. Thats just how weak we are.

Idealism, Part I & II - Tammat.

P/S : Oh, saya masih puitis..

Politics.. Shall We ?
Nota Kaki : A deliberately delayed response of the previous election from a self proclaimed Political Observer (citation needed)

Enjoy this seemingly identical scene of Malaysian politics.. Those 2 look exactly like the 2 idiots that were interviewed by Al-Jazeera the other day. Answering-wise, at least.

The Malaysian General Election 2008. It was a day full of emotions, emphasized tensions, gaping mouths, tears, laughters, paid dues and the et ceteras. It was also a day full of media spinnings, politically motivated or the otherwise.

Talking about media spinnings however, the post-election spins are even funnier than pre-election ones. The recent Perak MB swearing-in ceremony by Ir. Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin of PAS that was initially boycotted by DAP too was seen as a stage of spinning the political fan. Oh pardon me, in fact that was the center stage of the spins. How ignorant of me.

Mr. Kit Siang, if in doing so was under the influence of PAS-phobia drugs (lol), would be so politically unwise, and the action, uncalled for. But I think theres more to this than what have been potrayed in these piss-stream-medias or what the losers, the sore losers mind you, would want the rakyats to believe. I think there were some twists in the plot, hold your breath gentlemen and the ladies of course !

What if the so called 'boycott' was actually a decoy to avoid the vengeful axes of the sore MCA ?

I mean if DAP didnt put up a fight to the lease, what would the Perak Chinese say ? They will even start to question " Will these submissive punks be able protect our rights and whatnots ? They didnt even budge an inch when this was announced.. " And be rest assured that the MCA will not take a crossed-arm stance should that actually happens. Kinda like Penang UMNO trying to be the Malay's champion in vocalizing their thoughts against the DAP-led state government in Penang. Yea right, we buy that.

And before I stray even further, I need to reiterate that, should the boycott was a measured, calculated and anticipated response, woahhhh am so the very impressed. Malaysia has just, by far, witnessed, a very outsmarting political decoy, with or without her realization.

P/S : .. And why politicize DAP's move when ex-Perlis Mentri Besar didnt even attend his successor's swearing in session ? Was that a pat on the back for Malaysia's Royal Institution ? Was Shahidan's move that ? lol. Funny la, you people..

P/P/S : LOL even the Terengganu BN DUN members are 'boycotting' the new MB swearing-in ceremony ? HAHA.

Happy Birthday, Mak.

Mak is being attacked by an unidentified monstrous entity.

Mak went 49 just now. Happy Birthday Mak. She's aging. Thanks for all the love & the care that you've given us these good 25 years. I love U, from the bottom of my heart I do. Regardless of my weird ways and the tendency to never be transparent about my feelings and things.

Bullshit(s)
Nota Kaki : Completely & Utterly Fuckin' Bullshit !

Dear Sirs / Madams,

The above matter refers.

We are pleased to inform your good self that we are feeling something quite similar to that of a cow poop. Enclosed herewith are some of the closest representatives of what we are feeling. We seek for your kind cooperation to examine the followings :

The Kepala Surat.

No..No.. We are nice people, RLY !


I insist, that we are nice people still !


No..No.. Its just the circumstances..


* sighs *


Its the circumstances sir, not us..

We believe that the above is appropriate and timely in manner, we neither seek to vilify nor offend any parties but in the process somebody might get hurt and we seek to humbly apologize that we do not care at all about apologizing for breaking your heart(s).

Sorry. :(

Kind regards & Yours sincerely,

Rzn.

Pack & Leave

"I'll settle all the outstandings that I've been entrusted with.." and I continued, with snail-like speed, ".. And I'll look for a transfer..". "Transfer ? transfer where ? ** Dept. ? Yer still gonna face me..", "No, somewhere else, Operations maybe ? Am contemplating to do shift even.."

Despite she thinking that she has managed to convince me to go against my decision of transferring, I've made a silent vow to myself - I'll get these outstandings over with, and I'll go. With a proper leaving manner, of course. I came and was welcomed from the front door " I hope even after I've left this Dept., we're still gonna be friends.. " " I appreciate what you've guided me with, what you've taught me, but colleagues are crucial for your personal performance AND there are some people that you are compatible with, and there are some that are incompatible.. " and I continued.. " And I cant work with her, I've tried.. "

She shouldn't even have budged me, and NO, she didn't, but I've said to a colleague.. " Nobody will make me leave here, nobody. UNLESS I WANT IT TO BE.."

And I think its high time for me to leave..

The Epitome of Idiocy.
Nota Kaki : The Prophecy of Doom to our World !

Rewritten this fucking entry for almost i dont wanna fuckin know how many times. Gi mampus. Fuck am exhausted. And plusses feeling at the bottom of my feeling. Am fuckin angry and I dunno how to express it unlike certain so called fuckin colleague ? Colleague my fuckin' ass. Die out. And die out quick.

The bitch has managed to piss me off and getting away with it for far too long. Any dude that knew me long enough know that I am a fuckin reasonable head. I dont lose my head too easily. But this fuckin Dog poop is a total exception. Who the fuck do you think you are to wave your fingers at me and expect me to run and lick your shoe's bottom ?

Oh what the flying fuck, she manages to make it sound so tragic and sad that I'm being rude to her. Oh my superior bought that ! And I, could've only helplessly smirk and hiss at her being oh so dramatic. lol. Sob Drama Queen. We luv ya, really. Therefore, go fuck yerself. And that smirk and hiss, in front of my boss, wont do me any justice in her oh so dramatic false claims. In which I manage to get a nice remark in return " That, is one the sign of being rude ". lol. Am Genius !

I regret not the things Ive said and done, only that I wish that I didnt lose my head. Coz man I really lose it... :(

Idiots piss me off. :((

Fuck them.

At the end of the day, The Blog, is still the best of my lonely company..

Idealism. Nota Kaki : This is as real as it could be, mcm Cerekarama, tapi bukan.

Our wishes and hopes are childish idealism, faced against the harsh surface of Reality. Us, fragile humans are bound to succumb to horrendous pitfalls. At times, we could never go back, back to something that was us.

A friend of mine was dreading at his seeming fault, running through self inflicted mental torture, blaming himself on things he thought he did. Weeping and having no one to hear your tears. Painful. I know the dude, obnoxious, arrogant, hoo-haa, I-Dont-Give-A-Flying-Fuck type asshole. But he weeped. He weeped for the girl.

Was I taken aback for the fact that he cried & dread so much, and alone for the fact. He wasn't him when i was talking to him yesterday. The dude's messed up and most of the time lost his points and direction. So much so at times, i had to tell him to shut up and let me make my points first. And the arrogant bastard did too, and EVEN THANK ME later for that. Shocking ? Tell me about it.

Belanja him drinks, asked him to sit and even bring the beverage to the table in my shallow attempt of making the session as comfortable as I can for him. (Oh, I don't usually do this for gentlemen, mind you, so all ya fucken' Gheys, bugger off now !)

S : I've got a girlfriend of hrmm, from 2001 to 2008, how long is that ?
Me : Wow. Thats erm, around 6 - 7 years man !
S : Yea, that long. * long pause *
Me : Now relax, and tell me what happen dude..
S : She's engaged dude, to someone else..
Me : What the Fu-, what happen man ?
S : We got involved in an accident. Both of us..
Me : Uh-huh. * nods nods *

The ramblings went on and I pretty much garnered that the blames are on his shoulder, as he asserted his guilt after every few words he spilled. But in the midst of the messed up state he was in, he was as resolute as a man who's willing to gamble everything, including his life, in a single turn of wheels and put everything behind, for the girl. He's already got a one way ticket to Terengganu, though the Definite Major Purpose of him going there, wasn't properly defined, I know in his heart, he needs to see the girl, and the girl FIRST, before anything else. I was moved, though a little skeptical on the lack of planning in the little plan of his.

I told him that he's got my full support and he's not alone in this. I will back whatever decision that he's come and will come to, so long as the decisions are made within the borders of Rationality. Not maneuvered by neither his anger nor frustration.

I told him to go run and get her back.

But as idealistic as we were, deep in my heart I know that Reality isn't as nice as we would've hoped for. The damage has been done and it will take more than the distance of the travelling to undo the fix. Thus, i reminded him that nothing, NOTHING is guaranteed to work 100 % as we would idealistically hope for. That first. Secondly, the damage is already on its semi-permanent stage, if not permanent, hence, the travelling and the assuring processes might take a while, tiring and sometimes seemingly pointless, but maybe, just maybe, if we put enough faith, even a frozen ocean might melt into a flowing sea again. Oh saya sungguh puitis !

To be, or not to be continued. My preference. :D

Laters.

Raizzen

" Why Do Fireflies Depart So Soon ? "
Nota Kaki : Some quotes from Notes From The Underground

They shone. And begone. Far to Oblivion,
Lighted our Life with the scarcity of theirs,
Brighten the face of ours in the darkness they face -

They came around too late,
And they depart too soon,
"And now am dreading,
Taunting myself,
With bitter,"
Useless, Question..

Asking " Why do Fireflies depart so soon ? "

In the smiling memories of -

" I hope U Like The Flowers.. "

Nota Kaki : Quotes and paying homages from and to the late Tupac here & there..

She's beautiful, give me a silent nod if u think its not an overstatement..

Her smiles captivate not the entire hall, they collapse the whole foundation

But nobody ever wonder why does she has damaged petals..

Oblivious of the vengeful winds she faces alone, her personal battles.

Clueless of ocean of tears she braves alone in the odd hours

She's walked blinfolded, on a pitch dark path frighteningly lonely to others.

And learnt the hard way, to appreciate the beauty of the company of tears

Odd how something of fragile nature withstand the batterings thru these years

She's witnessed something no soul should have even heard of

Its time she blooms and rise up, its time she takes off

P/S : I dedicate not the pants, but the bouquet on the trousers :D

Rise & bloom, let yourself off the past.. " I hope U like the flowers.. "

" Funny it seems, but by keeping her dreams, she learned to breathe fresh air.

Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared. "

Untitled Randomism.

Wan's leaving us for boarding school at Seremban. Ironically, the school I was in, I mean practically, coz my old school was relocated to another area somewhere around Seremban II. So now we'll both study at the same exact ground, with 2 different schools ! Woah. Odd coincidence.

Saddens me that the house is gonna be even emptier now that both Yan & Hafiz are doing their studies in Penang.

I feel voided of literary power to express how I'm feeling now, but it feels terribly lonely.

Dire State.

Am in dire state of need of My Old Self. Would I even have a look at what I've done to myself. Oh shit, please, please, please reincarnate The Self Centered, Obnoxious, Ignorant bastard I was.

Who the fuck are ya ? *looks in the mirror* Who the fuck are ya weepy whiny little Bitch ?

I hate you ! OMG !111 I hate Myself..

/me raises 2 middle fingers, commencing project "Obnoxiously Giving Not Any Flying Fucks v1.0"

Back In The Lab.
Nota Kaki : I'm back. (I wish)

Back in the Lab again. Trying to grasp the Reality of these seemingly Unreal occurrences that I have allowed to take place around Me. The breeze that wraps herself around me does not any longer sounds so convincing.

Light taps on my shoulder. " Hey Sir, I think I know what your problem is.. " says a faceless stranger, " What .. ? ", I blurted with certain uncertainty, " I know what your problem is Sir, you are, erm.. " He clears his throat while I'm still there pretty much dumbfounded waiting for his next projection of words, the dude's trying to be polite and all, I understand, but he's getting me all anxious now, and its all his fault. I was, for a few seconds, lost in my own tangle of riddles up in my head when he nonchalantly, not to mention catching me off guard, mentions " Lyfeless ! "

WHAT THE FUCKKK ? Are you serious ? " Yes, I am, but you, Sir, are in a more serious problem, you're in tight shit man, its like you've got your dick stuck in a virgin ass and the bitch is about take a dump man ! " LOL. The dude has got some serious academical flaws in making his point. But oddly enough, i get it. Crystal clear. Maybe its just because of the Assman I pretty much am.

The pieces of the Puzzle are scattered all over the edge of its platform. Detached pieces that have extracted the Me.exe substance from Myself.JPEG. Its time to peep at the BIGger Picture , Bitches. And i mean BIG. Period.

On the lighter, I might come back to this post, you know, elaborate a few details, minus all the intentional complexity in between, if your asses are lucky enough. But then again, i might not. What ? What ? Really ? Go ahead and sue me. Yea, yea, I'll be glad to see you in court.

A quick glance to the mirror, walked by, a few steps backward, I look again, this time wondering to myself : " Hey who the fuck is this Guy ? What the fuck is he doing there ?, Hello Sir, do i know you from somewhere ? Can I help you ? " Not only that he doesn't at all mind to mind me, it pisses me off even more when the Guy's actually Me. So yea, I smashed the mirror to a million shattered pieces and successfully bleed my knuckles in the process. I drag the dude out, so that we could have a little discussion verbally

Reality Check.

My swollen vision aches of teary eyes, never mind the pride at stake.
At least the sore bore the very price, price to keep me awake.
Body tattooed of battle scars, most of them from wars with myself within Me.
Never has it crossed my mind that I'd stand so formidable an Adversary.

I thought I'd beat Odds in the race of Contradiction,
with aids from the abundance of Steroid needles & Injections.
But caught gasping for air, when I finally saw Who's actually my opponent.
Irony beats me when I found out that I'm scared of my own reflection.

I dread at the crawling minutes that form the wheel chaired hours.
Dreading at the moments that should've been Ours.
Time tiptoed slowly than ever, Fuck all ye fake ticks on the clock !
Time too, has proven to me how easy she'd turn a Man to a Dork.
For in the course of hours, She'd easily kill him and glad doing the honor.
Hence, if these tears are measured in the form of seconds, I'd be a Goner.

The brutal massacre of Oneself with the approval of Consciousness, far from Subtle.
"Let me just sleep, for when I sleep, I dream. When I'm awake, everything seems so futile.."

"Let me just sleep, for when I sleep, I dream. When I'm awake, everything seems so futile.."

P/S : I Love You..
Current Listen : Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You.mp3
Nota Kaki : I'm inspired..

The Past :

His eyes sored with hot tears steaming down a face that tires
Drops of them on his last enveloped thoughts & words for her
Petrified at the thoughts of leaving the world to Oblivion
Manages to somehow sculpture a broken smile thru his glass expression
However sad, butterflies are flying about in his abdomen
Excited about how she'll make new memories while framing the old moments
The tears, again an unnoticed company, roll on his cheeks again
This time sealing off his presence - away with his pain..

The Present :

She strays alone - in the vicinity of her thoughts, unalarmed.
This seems so Unreal, " He cant be dead yet, look, he looks so calm ! "
She didnt even spill a tear when the last sand covered his coffin
When she gets back, he's gonna put on the smile like he does often
Knocking on their door, " Hun, am homeeee.. " - to a No reply,
Smirking, she thought "One of yer silly tricks again huh, u Sly !"
"Just u wait.." she pretends getting upset, loving his fake repentance
The grass, the garden, they all look the same, only this time, he's absent..

The Verdict :

She trembles at the familiar sight of the handwriting, its his !
" I told u guys he isnt dead yet.. " her heart leaps in bliss
Fascinated, she strips away the envelope as quickly as she can
Without hurting the edges of the last thing that was touched by his hands
"The chicken scratch ! This must be his.. !", temporal joy filled her
Till the last 2 lines drag her back to Reality, one that drills her.

They read :

"By the time u read this letter, i probably am in the place faraway, watching above u.."
"Be glad there'll be no more pranks & bashes from me.. & P/S : I regret not having loved U.."

Copywritten 78ed.
Enthroned.

My mind orchestrates some phantom plots
While its physics derives of some random thoughts
My knuckle bleed & my fist still swinging
Even if i am on my buckled feet, my will - stinging.

My words travel the arc of universe
Without my lips having to part first
So what the fuck would happen if I decide to spit fire ?
Fuck torching my pieces, my eloquence'd lid vapours

Words with hell as the scale, remember your Sire's name
But u wont live to tell the tale, let alone acquire fame
Be glad your last word on earth was Raizzen
For it'd take a 1000 years to topple me after the first uprising

I'd step on carcasses with a smirk on my face
Decayed flesh'd only spark a thirst on my pace
So if u think u'd only find yourself in turmoils
Come & see me, I'll send ya back one with the soil..

I loves U.

The very spot U is placed,
The very vowel U sounds,
The very significance U phrase,
The very Heaven U is bound.

The very dread world'd fall to-
Without the very presence of U.

The very what U signifies,
The very who U represents,
The very Irony U n_llifies,
Has U never leave & resent.

The very end I would meet,
These feelings I couldn't mete.

U, please know this,
Opinion would've had her views-
On the very way U is,
When all I know is, that - I loves U.

To The Very Least.. I've Still Got PoeDreadaries.

I found a place so cozy, a temple of which i manifest all Hindrance
I'd say flawless, perfect to conceal myself - behind my Intelligence.

No person scary enough to beat me cold and drag me where my ass is stuffed
Irony ? Beats me, I mean shoot, even one that you loath's as close as ur Love !
But wait, you havent seen anything yet, but since u insist, OK,thats something..
But Dont you find it funny when matters matter ONLY when you stop laughing ?

Here i am, back again tracing on the visible trail of Ignorance
Swinging my fist fast, but swinging in the dark only bruises my Arrogance
A constant stinging sensation that dwells the cells upon my brain
And you wonder why my thoughts would hurt & my tongue inflict emotional pain ?

" Dont ask me why, ask me How " - Now be a dear and ask me How, dear.
But then again who the fuck says that you're even gonna smell the answer ?
You hurt me when you say that i dont, coz frankly speaking, i do care.
I DO CARE if you invade my personal clusters, begone, well, at least while im there.

Your hands were the one reaching out to me, did I hesitate and blink wondering
The most reaching yet the simplest "Its ok" - left me with no more ponderings
Your hands were what saved me & they too were the ones forever slamming the door
The worst part of Imagination and the best parcel - I dont care anymore..

Down Memory Lane : Deja Vu
Current Listen : OneRepublic - Apologize.mp3

Ecah poyo nak mampus, me ? the total opposite ! hello ?

Ok, this, somehow seems familiar, hrmm, where have i dipped my taste buds on this feeling of Deja Vu. Holy Shit. Practical students. Yea they come and go, and the only thing that remain are the crumbs of memories left behind the trail of the stress smothered piles of work papers and never empty tables of the tired cubicles. Me again, trapped within my own definition of Emptiness. I forced a fake burst of laughter, one with the credibility worthy of making people around me believe that i'm not at all troubled by the exterior motions that are far from oblivion. People notice the tension, Ecah's tears seal it, Period.

I, on the other hand, showed not a single hint of wrinkles of worry.

Wan, nice fella. Me ? I define Niceness, again, hello ?

The 3 months-old bond, too young, Greenish, if you ask me, but sighs, I just hate it. I just hate my tender self. I just cant stand looking at their empty cubicles. I just hate the glass on the table, i hate how well arranged the files are, Argh fuck, Holy fuck. Too strong a bond too fragile an affair.

Good luck guys, in all yer future undertakings, the best of it. You will need loads of it. And until the day that we meet again, you can always look back and be glad (very) that i used to be good a friend of your laughters and hey, your tears, more so.

Till we meet again..

Twenty Four Times Three Sixty Five Life Cycle
Current Listen : The growlings of my angry stomach.
Nota Kaki : Saya lapar..

A path frighteningly lonely to others..

They left for Kedah & Perak yesterday, leaving behind some trails of Nasik and a few slices of 'Rendang Daging' for me to gobble upon. Erm Ok i guess, was what i thought, just to be so cynically proven the otherwise later. I later found out that the Nasik has already fit the bills of a trash can occupant. Ok, it wasn't there when they left, but now, i do feel like am being abandoned, and, on a lonely and windy path not taken by most.

And suddenly the world came crashing down to my face when i, finally came to a divine realization of how pillaged the kitchen was. The Biskuts, The Burgers, The Hotdogs and The Telurs even ? The Telurs.. such crucial ingredient for my ideal preference of how a bowl of Megi Mee should be, Takde ? Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Im finally scared now & i suddenly realize how lonely i am in this cold world.

Later on i officially am a Megi Boi when i had nothing but Megi Mee for both lunch and dinner. Minum with my cuzzies and granted them the privilege of paying for me, trust me, they couldn't have looked more cheerful. I'm glad i can be much of help. Really i do.

Shot off to KLIA for a blo.. Err, a 2nd Job that pays quite lavishly and a great one, should it be excluded of such stupid shift arrangements, but - " Hey You, Yea, You damnnit ! Your ass is broke and such luxurious remarks are far off too luxurious for your ass now, live with it hence, Punk ! "

Signing off, and my friend finally answers the calls which i had directed him with, to ask whether or not has he realized this once-in-lifetime opportunity at his doorstep, by having me inviting him for a berakfast, no, breakfast, damnit ! And the dude is on a Morn' Shift, really i do pity him. But drop by anyways at his station to withdraw my fast draining cash just to realize that i have a few bucks more than what sum i thought i possess. Had breakfast with him anyways when i saw a nicely packed hot Roti Canai and Dal within his grasp. Well, i tried to resist, but he wants to treat me the Roti Canai so bad, i couldn't help it. So i only buy the cold Milo then.

A full stomach with an empty home to return to, sighs. Sad. Woke up at 12 something just to lose all sense of Time coz Yan's room is without any window or its pane. And i've still got but one problem though, what am i gonna have for lunch ? Of course i would love the richly topped Pizzas with some cheesy finishings as its crust, damnit ! But for God's sake, for God's sake -

I is broke, Period.

Oh, I'm Messed Up and So ?
Current Listen : The sound of the phone ringing from a call i dont wish to entertain..

Saya rasa macam banyak gila nak blog but then again i don't know what to write even, pissed, fucked, smirked, smirking, feeling a throne atop, feeling stuck in the deep pit of the Shallows and the dark dungeon of the Dimwitteds. Oh fuck, holy fuck.

" Hey You, stop rubbing yer feet against mine, coz if you think the otherwise, im so gonna prove you the total opposite of the otherwise. I'll rape ya bitch, and im not gonna be your boyfriend, ever ! "

Yati leaves some flowery marks in the mind of the sickness of mine, how shallow ever. Being a darling she is.

Oh shoot im fuckin horny. And fuck you, fuck you assholes, now here taste some of this.. * mid fingers *

And yes yer welcomed, dont let me see yer fuckin face again bitch. Yes you, yea you. Fuck you.

I & U

What are the stars without the moon complementing their presence ?
And where is US while I is being here in U's absence ?

When every phrase are deforming into overused expressions
'I love U' remains the most soothing serenade, I fashion.

..And IF tomorrow is a privilege I is not granted -
I's only regret would be - Taking U for granted !

..And IF that day ever arrives, I shall be U's permanent Shadow
One that'll be there when days are bright & even when nightful of Sorrow..

But Then Again..
Current Listen : Ungu - Kau Tercipta Untukku.mp3
Nota Kaki : The Misspellings of Life.

If Life's as easy as A, B, C .
And if our Relation Ship sails easy as U & Me.
I digress, I'm getting weary of the Dance
Tripping & fumbling while on the prance
And if my tears aren't labeled Hefty
I would just let them flow, like a cradled baby.

Life's a never ending pursuit on the tracks of Reality
We are but the athletes, expendable Individualities.
If I ever encounter the harsher points this chase -
Could I just rush to your assuring embrace ?
Again i digress, that's IF Life's spelled with just ABC
When a misspelled word of 'Life' could sound just like Irony.

But then again, if its not too much to ask of a favor -
Allow me the privilege of I Love U, forever.

A Price Long Have I Known Hefty
Current Listen : Copywrite - Jeah.mp3
Nota Kaki : Read this or you don't know what yer missing OR will be missing, have missed, have been missing and don't miss me asshole, i'm straight.

Unpleasant encounters have very rarely managed to tickle me personally..
Coz the distance between external occurance and my nerve - Heavenly !

So no dear, i hate not the ground you walk on, thats not how its gonna be..
I just Loath U so much, Curse even the air that embraces your proximity !

If numbers were to define the hatred you've buried within me
You'd have to dig something beyond the playing ground of Infinity

Fuck U think i'm gonna throw some toys ? I'll let U taste the whole pram.
"Drained words fusion to seasoned promises and form a hardened contempt"

You don't really understand what the fuck i was saying aint ya, Bum ?
Coz my piece's so ahead of its time, Nostradamus'd think that hes dumb.

I see not the necessity of making known my presence to the masses
Why ? My Poetry, alone, walks the definition of a Mad Genius.

Yes, the view from the throne atop, is indeed frighteningly lonely.
Its one that i have chose, a price long have i known Hefty..

U were the cost of my shortsightedness, only time when i was somewhat silly
Regret not shouldering the lengthy debt, a price long have i known Hefty..

Rarely Do I..

I was not born to know hate. Neither does the word hate invented for my sly self. Shit, its fuckin's hard for me to even hate someone or something and no, it doesnt really matter if i hate you, no.. But when i do, it'll be so fucking deep and rooted, even the air you breathe will seem so fuckin' despicable. Rarely do i, but dont push me..

Shit, im losing my edge, where the hell's the Subtlety, Damnit ?

..of Some Hip Hop Group Members
Nota Kaki : IF & only if..

Gone are the nights of sheer Confusion in the daylight of your Presence
Zoning out, I was colourless till along came a spectrum of pure Essence
A piece apart i was from Tranquility - You complement the whole Puzzle
Life's made of warring campaigns, and a comrade in these personal battles ?
I couldnt be more deceitful, IF I say that I'm just happy with what I possess
For your presence's a Question too many - More than i could've ever asked !
Am floating in a dimension of Fantasy like Reality, which of the two ?
Hell, i've said too much, when all i wanna say was just - I Miss You !

..of Some Random Poedreadry
Nota Kaki : Feeling Sucky..

Internal exclamation that falls on a deaf ear.
Somebody who will Listen, not merely here to hear.
Falling into an endless tunnel, how do i fall flat ?
Graveyard aint the scariest place, but where your thoughts at.
Human mind's a tangled thread formed by utter evils
As redundant as " I'm a Sinner ", muttered by the devil
Running contrary off the suction source : A futile attempt -
..of breakin' free, respects spared ? None. Shown only contempts.
Was born a Champion, raised a loser, grown as a pathetic void
Self bashing's what i befriend and self worth's what i avoid

Fed the physical often, nurture the soul seldom
I cant see the source, seemingly pains are phantom.
Constantly reminded against trusting a stranger
So if i don't believe in myself, i'm merely minding the minder..

Down Memory Lane..
Nota Kaki : Be forewarned of heavy usage of the 'back' word since yea i want turn back the clock if i could..

I was back in Seremban after close to 7-8 years leaving it. Not exactly the same Seremban i used to know back when i was in an all boys boarding school back in 1997. Though much have changed, I must also say that many remain recognizable from a Reminisce-r point of view. Im glad.

Regardless of the gladness though, i was also struck by series of remorseless mixed feelings. I feel sad, anxious, alert, insecure and so many forms of feeling that i wish i can identify. I cant really enjoy the variety of luxuries and rarities that were offered due to the hallucination of the younger me & my friends lurking around the face of Terminal One. We used to hang out at the Gaming outlet that offers loads of games regardless of their ingenuity. My friends were obsessed about Tekken 3 and we will sit there kicking our asses off each other and this one Duke will brag all day long about his newly enthroned state.

We too were very obsessed of Mangas and Gundams. We will linger around the facade of a Manga outlet just so that we're given the first glimpses of whats happening to our all-time favorite hero which will be none other than Son Goku. We never mind standing and spending hours in between the gondolas of Gundams at Seremban Parade just to hear how cool it is to be a Johorean who happens to be so near to SG and got to watch Gundam show from the neighbor country. Tho' i can tell that 80% of what he was telling us were pure craps, but who cares anyways ? We were "Woaaaaaa"-ing all around nodding our head to his lies.

How can i not be emotional when every floor has got a brief scene of the past, yet very vivid memories ? Every store that i stop by has got a story that us alone, would understand the laughs and the tears behind them.

" ? 97 to back it turn to able be i would, cycle 360 a Life's If.. "

If I read 'em backwards, perhaps i would ?

You are 60% Optimus Prime!
Current Listen : The Rambling Blabbers of The General Jealousy.. Wargh kargh kargh..

Optimus Prime

Optimus Prime is the heroic leader of the Autobots. He is the personification of courage, strength, and integrity. His personal motto is that “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”

Like Optimus Prime, you are good by nature. But beware because mischievous thoughts sometimes tempt you. You are inspiring, confident, and a natural leader. The Autobots have chosen well. In addition, you stick to the basics and don't need all the encumberances of modern technology.

" A Few Hours Away(s).. "

A few hours away from an anticipated mad-driving marathon, a few nerve-wrecking moments away from congested roads, a few hundred kilometers away from Kampung & two (2) days away from Raya. Hrmmm.. I don't really have things blogworthy, as TSP would like to say, to Blog out to begin with but i just like the feeling of writing "A few hours away.." from this & that before finally being there. It leaves me with weird sense of pleasure. Now, i'm starting to sound and feel like a Freekio.

Will be spending the next day and the 1st Raya at Kedah, not quite boring anymore comparing to the last 4-5 years, these kids have all grown up and we can do lotsa fun things together and Yan has had a laptop for quite some times now which means we can either kill the time by watching DVD's or capturing experimental photos utilizing the micro-mode feature and to extract them the instant they were taken. Sheer satisfaction.

I'm Ghost.

24 - Not The Mini Series, Mind You.

I was thinking.. " If tomorrow is a privilege not granted, i regret taking you for granted.. " Is it possible for me to turn it into something associated with more beauties ? I wish to rant more but my eyelids aren't doing me any justice by weighing so heavy that i can't help wanting to close its gap. Damnit.

But oh finally gained a little motivation, i've finally gotten rid of the swelling gums and stinging dental ache. Yay ! My Raya will not be ruined. Yay !! Damn, 5 glass of gargle & the blood is still not less crimson that it was on the first sip, shush.

Still on MC today.. Damnit, heavy work load awaits me smirkingly tomorrow. Shushhh, gimme a break willya ?

To Kill A Mockingbird

I'm filthy. Self Hate is growing and so is pain, physically and mentally. Whats left of Humanity inside me, is draining by the conceptions I once deem alien. A person is not a mere breeze in the evening, touched & begone, no, things will come back to haunt you. Their history, their life circles. Their laughters, their pain. Hideous. Damned.

On the lighter notes, i finished reading To Kill A Mockingbird after quite some times and glad i did. But felt a little holes in my routine these recent times. Shit, i already missed the Finches. Swollen gum, stinging dental pain, never-ending painkillers, a couple of movies, bukak puasa with some big portions of the family, 2 days MC sum up my fine - not weekend.

Shit, i'm dumb. Getting dumber -

The Sinner I Am

The weight of Guilt is unbearable, the damage dealt ? Fatal. I wondered what foolishness has come into my head that translates into my doings these past few days. Contrary to the Past few days they are, i somehow, feel like i'm inhaling the air of hopelessness for a tad too long. Not justified with the actual number of days it counts. Never comes down to me till she knocks me off balance from the fragile thread that i was walking on.

I am now dreading at the thought of my lengthy sins resulting from the disposal of my short sighted estimation.

Weird Roller Coster Ride
Current Listen : My Chemical Romance - I don't Love You.mp3
Nota Kaki : Just another random Joe walking humble on the surface of earth..

These past 2 weeks have been the weirdest, if not the sickest, of all the weeks that have went by. Quick to pull me to the zenith of my feeling and abruptly dragged me into the abyss of it. Buka Puasa out with some old friends at Tesco, such joy that have i garnered from such simple encounter proves but one thing, i'm tired.

Shit i sound like an old man.

Then comes the Orgy of this age, my PC wetted by several foreplays alone, forget penetrations. In the twenty years of my life, never have i encountered such mighty self hatred towards myself, how could i ? Goddamn it. Now i'm all lonely & teary.

Bukak Puasa at Concorde, Shah Alam, where the glasses are shiny, the feast aplenty and the laughters lengthy. Where normal looking folks broke out of their shell and grab the mic and rock it like crayyzyyy. Kara-KOing. Yes, that was intended, Kara-KOing. They sucked, hard. But who cares anyways, so long as we were having mad fun. The dudes were trying to pull me up the stage to get me singing and I, out of such enormous inborn Genius-cydal genes, manage to escape, unscathed.

Meeting starts off at 3PM though it was intended to happen at 2, i innocently walk into the room with absolutely no suspicions at all. A meeting with our General Manager, my issues at hand are not even more than 3 out of the 120 something slides that were prepared in total. Office hours end at 4PM in Bulan Puasa and our beloved GM managed to drag it till the clock hits the luvly 6 at her face. Nice. Nice Indeed. 2 spots to hit before reaching my destination, with less than an hour at hand, from Sepang to Dengkil to Puchong. Prayers, refuelling, and the ecetras ? Mad Genius. Whew, i do live in a fast lane yea ? Was driving like mad Kilometres freak to arrive. But somehow i did make it -

To IOI Mall an Bukak Puasa with a few old friends, still. Crayyzayy bunch. Bukak Puasa at Pizza Hut was always my idea of a wonderful Bukak Puasa when the holy month shoots off in the early September and here i am now, though the dishes ordered weren't exactly ones that i had hoped for, but cool still though.

Its all becoming interesting at the end, i wonder what hectic insanity shall unfold itself in the face of the upcoming Hari Raya. Yay !

On the side note, Selamat Berpuasa & Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all my fellow Muslim Brethrens.

Random Rantings Out of So Many Outings..
Nota kaki : Unnecessary Post, but hey be glad i'm posting..

Parental Advisory : Highly Retarded

Today i met (virtually) some two (2) serious Idiots, is it two (2) ? erm, i mean i cant be bothered since the lesser there is a population of Idiots, the better prospect of the future we've got in our hands, right fellas ? Now clap with me hey.

One of them, from the Tribe mentioned above that's worth a mention or two in this Majestic Transcript of mine (be glad you were born sucker, your name's here) is :

* Drum Rolls *

Mr. (Ms. ?) kacang aka Bar Ruang (Beruang ?). (Cute aint she, she's Pink.)

Amusing as it is frustrating, him out of so many Dumbos ? Aww somebody console me please.. Took into account the literal meaning of everything, i mean for God's sake why did they even bother to invent the "Don't judge a book by its cover" idiom, Idiot. And by reacting as such to a sentence so vague, he was just making it transparent how Idiotic he actually is. I mean there are like so many ways to be an Idiot, and he chose the most idiotic of them ? Am I saddened and all emotional - and here i thought that the future would be brighter.

Further further more, aint something of Beauty is something that you cannot judge of exterior aspects alone ? And i wouldn't sit there asking myself why if he ends up with some A-Little Prettier-Than-A-hairy-Butt-In-G-Strings lass. Wouldn't even bother pondering.

The other half of the Tribe ? Don't even bother mentioning..

Now where's the 'Publish Post' button ? Oh there you are, lets make him famous for being part of my Exalted Transcript.

Twenty Four Different Kinds of Pain, A Three Sixty Five Life Cycle

" Don't make other people's work pending because of you.. " she says so nonchalantly, not to mention brokenly, and oh a stint of little chuckles at the end of the glorious sentence to mark a little humor she thought, somehow present in the dimwitted words of hers. Niceness folks, niceness. In fact it wouldn't be exaggerating if i say Brilliant.

I mean if one goddamn arsehole who can play games at work and make good use of office's phone spending precious office hours talking on the phone can say that to me. I mean its about time i get scolded for focusing on my computer doing my work, for God's sake i barely stop to take a breather and this nice fine young woman can question my etiquette and worse even, towards my own works ?

Blah. I'll show ya, ya see..

Untitled-ably Randomism II.
Current Listen : Keane - Somewhere Only We Know.mp3
Current Read : To Kill A Mockingbird
Nota Kaki : Was thinking about Blogging when it suddenly appears to me that this is more appealing as of current time.
Nota Kaki II : So so piece without pre-writtens, impromptu shits. Mind the lack of literacy power in between the lines.

Let my thoughts ran for while, i'm sick of confinements, one after another.
Has walk of Life always been this lonely ? Does it's to be so ? I won't bother.

"Walk across an empty land" & struck by a stint of Deja Vu, I've been here.."
At the halt of the Horizon stood An angel with a scathe, - " Where've i seen her ?

She was smiling, while I was too busy sorting out what she could've felt if -
I toss one back, now look at the pain that have i dealt with.

A blink away and now she's a goner, how costly a moment of hesitation.
Now my Life's worn out, a reminder of constant retributions.

Pukingly Sickening
Nota Kaki : Oh mind the reinvented vocabs of mine

Malaysian's crave for names and recognition, the Malays to be specific, are pukingly sickening, you'd see how wide coverage from the medias are playing a damn good role in the Stupifications of the Malays. Goddamn, everything's done for the love of the name. I mean yea, climbing up Everest and swimming through some goddamn seas are so 'big' of an achievement, but for crying out loud, we are toppling a peak that was tamed some good 40 - 50 years ago, yea the first batch of the climbers are acceptable but God, for God's sake, how many times do you have to topple down an already tamed Everest ? Why not use the fund for something beneficial instead of engraving your footsteps on someone's walking lawn ?

Malaysia, your sons and daughters in the ghettos, the single mothers, the orphanage, religious schools are better off as candidates for the wasted funds instead of these recognition-craving dumbfuckingly retarded assholes.

Sighs.

Why not try putting your foot on the sun for a change ?

Dumbfuck faggots.

Untitled-ably Randomism.
Nota Kaki : 10 mins piece. Feel like bashing in braggadciosesamestreet.

Don't attempt a tongue-twister against me
Lest will it be a bloody verbal frenzy
BLOWING minds, like M'sian political gimmicks
My wisdom has got only the sky as the limit
Like Grizzly in your head, Bear in Mind,
That i shall blitzkrieg passages soon, in the meantime..

Sit tight and enjoy whats unfolding..

Pre-Independence Day Post I
Nota Kaki : Should've posted it weeks ago, but oh well..

31st August is fast marching towards us and the Friday sermon was reminding its attendees of " Hari Pahlawan " and its celebrated outcasts, the soldiers. Yes, i do grief for our heroes whose selfless display of bravery has brought us Malaysians, ungrateful Malaysians mind you, the scent of freedom.

But who, who in his worldly-right mind, would celebrate the unsung heroes of the mountains of Afghanistan, the rubbles of Baghdad, the coldness of Caucacus and the cries from the minarets of Al-Aqsa ? These faceless individuals have left everything of worldly pleasures. They have chosen the path of the most humilliating worldly disgrace one could opt for when they could have sit there and comply like most of their accomplices do, or worse even, cooperate with the occupiers themselves.

Im pretty sure that these faces will not be remembered, let alone be mentioned in the folds of history, the Western-crafted history, mind you. Not in another 10 - 20 years, not until at least the very day that the Islamic Caliphate be revived. These individuals have chosen a path few have the guts to even ponder upon, yet they charge without any second thoughts of the aftermath. They author the future with their swords as their quills and the crimson of blood as their ink. A future they're not even guaranteed a seat of.

" The Gardens will perceive springs but we will not be there to see it " - Sheikh Ahmad Al-Ghazi of Red Mosque, Pakistan

The INnate INability To Overcome Oneself.
Its fucked up.

Im moving fast in this fast-paced world of ours, i've got but one problem, that is that - I'm moving backwards. What a way to commemorate adulthood. Its fucked up and i cant focus. I'm starting get weary of goals. I lost sight of them or is my vision blurry ? God fucking Damnit. I want to be able to achieve glory of certain fields of life without jeorpardizing the others. I'm only a person away from everything that i wanna achieve in this brief lifetime of mine. And that person, i present it to you, naked & vulnerable, none other than - My fuckin' self.

Frankly speaking i dont even know what to talk about. Its really lonely up in the head and all i've got is mysefl again, to talk to. Since no one person that i believe will not be judgemental of what i'll talk about.

B..O.. bo D..O..H.. doh !

Bodoh !