Lets Blame The Night For Being Dark, Shall We ?

When someone spit on your Mother's name do you go all rational and democratic about it ? No, you don't. And fools, my religion is of farther importance than even my parents. So do I pat your back and console you out of your delusional accusations ? No, I pull a six-shooter up your candy ass, you stupid fuck.

Oh, am scaring you against my religion and caused you to become an Islamophobic ? No Imbeciles, you become it because of your own stupidity and lack of insight, which in the first place is nobody else's but your fuckin fault. But then again there's always people who hold such little worth to dignity, who would conviniently blame the night for being dark. And you are no different from those. And that pal, have I softened the tone.

We've tried the otherwise, we've tried cleaning up the closet off any skeletons but then again, we couldn't expect any better a treatment even after the skeletons be rid off the closet. You fall into a snake pit once in your life. And call yourself an idiot with a capital I, beyond once. That's even more so if you're a Muslim. Yea, us the extreme Muslims.

No Sir, You're Fcuked Up.
Current Listen: Jedi Mind Tricks - Heavenly Divine.mp3

Woke up at 6.30. Pray, mandi and stuffs. Refueled. Dread, with but a teaspoon span of time about thousands of excuses on why I didn't show up at work for the past few days of last week. With but a limited creativity on the execution part.

The road was surprisingly cooperative as there weren't so many cars as per what Ive expected prior to the departure, given the schmiling 7.35 a.m on the face of my wrist watch. Far too facilitating if you ask me, after all its Monday, people are bound to get a little morning crazed someway or another with or without school kids on the road. But it wasnt. Till it struck me funny that yesterday Yan had called us to recite Yassin because its the New Year of the Islamic calendar.

Yerp folks. I actually hit the road to go to work on a Pubic Holiday day. Pubic.

10 Yays for me !

Modern People, Same Old Ancient Fears. Stupid Fucks.

Now, now, fearing something over lack of understanding of the matter is understandable. But what tickles me funny is being arrogantly stupid, while having your butts unearthed from the serenity of its crack(s). Or simply put, a I'm-Glad-I'm-Born-An-Idiot syndrome carrier. And warning lads, THIS, might just be contagious. Just make sure you don't hang out with the wrong crowd.

These fuckers per se, have a VERY common trait. A trait that allows them to luxuriously think that they're the gift of the gab, who God's has descended upon us monkey descendants, err, IF you're a firm believer of Darwin's stupid theories, that is. And am not. Yea, fuck you.

But seriously, with so many from the likes of you who roam the face of the earth, stupidly not to mention, am more than glad am born. Coz you make me shine brighter than I already am. And this reminds of a joke. No racist pun intended. But if you're gonna be stupid and choose to be mad, then, by all means, go ahead and be offended. Yeah, I care.

The joke:

"What if you throw all the black people to the sky ?"

"The sky'll go dark"

"What you do to make it bright back ?"

"You ask them to smile"


Wargh kargh kargh. Stupid asshole(s).

Mocca - I Remember
Nota Kaki: Schweet Tunes. Very.

I remember...The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
I remember...When we caught a shooting star, yes I remember
I remember.. All the things that we shared,
and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember.. All the laughter we shared,
all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn

Do you remember..?
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And I remember..When my father thought you were a burglar
I remember.. All the things that we shared,
and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember.. All the laughter we shared,
all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn

I remember.. The way you read your books,
yes I remember
The way you tied your shoes,
yes I remember
The cake you loved the most,
yes I remember
The way you drank you coffee,
I remember
The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
When we caught a shooting star,
yes I remember
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And the way you smile at me,
yes I remember

Cameron Highlands - 3 Years After.

I think I'll just show this to my boss and tell her I was sick. Damn right shes gonna buy that. Why not.

Just got back from a 2, 3, ah fuck it. I lost the count, I don't even know whether its qualified as a holiday. As it was way way too ad hoc and unplanned. Granted with the fact that some of the most spontaneous creatures God has ever made to walk on the face of His earth, guess appeared. Corporately speaking, a total recipe for disaster. Just the way I like it.

But there I was, demam on my way to Cameron Highland. No, even before that. But I've never really been the type that stop and wonder when I go demam or whatever. I ride it out. So its normal when my demam extends as long as, almost 2 weeks. They went out to look for stuffs we could Babi-Q the living daylight out of it, I tag along. They went out to look for towels, sweaters and some sarongs (indicating the clumsy-ad-hoc-ness of the trip), there I was too, braving the rain despite the alarming heat that engulfs by body. My cuz went out for a schmoke. There I was too wondering which schmoke is my cig's schmoke and which one is the damp air's evaporation as my cig's schmoke never seems to finish despite the short puffs. lol.

I am but a puny slave, nonetheless. I succumb to the fever and laid to rest, for a temporal moment, you morons, the hell you thinking. And finally having had to admit defeat as I was laying down with a skull cap on my head and layan cerita cina kat TV2 where my favourite Cecilia Cheung adorably moves about the screen, making me laugh and fall in love with her for almost everytime she pulls a prank or act up.

Lagi ? Malas. Bye.

"For The Hardest Thing Is Not To Learn, But To Unlearn.."

Staring at the screen at these late hours
When all thoughts labored towards the memory of US.

Every puff of smokes rekindles the heat of every tale-
..we shared, every sound, every emotion and every cruise we sailed.

How do I live off all the streets that I used to walk with u ?
Do I forget their names ? Shall I disregard where they lead to ?

Or should I start with the songs we used to share ?
Trying hard to conceal the tears when and where -
.. the notes hit the lines we specifically spare.
Lyrics that we used to quote just to say that we care

Painfully smiling to the songs we used to dedicate to each other
Feeling under the knife every moments that we are, but over.

Forever shall my laughter be incomplete when;
Only your smiles that had me content.
Now I am but an empty void hollowed with a yearn
For the hardest thing is not to learn, but to unlearn..

As Good As Untitled.

Ibu, I miss u so much now. Wish u were here. Come home soon Mak. I miss u so. Even more so... I cant sleep just yet and tomorrow's the day of an event. Ibu, please tell me everything's alright. God, I miss your lap. Let me cry on it.

am exhausted, yet my cruel eyes did not yet permit me my much required sleep.
got a thousand words to say and fumbled at the first parting of these lips.

ibu balik la cepat. :(

Artist:	Avenged Sevenfold
Album:	Avenged Sevenfold
Title:	Dear God

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

You're Free To Blame Yourself For The Untitled Nature of This Post.

Its been long. And oh windy. I've missed this platform. Yea, sorta. Loads had happened and are bound to happen, in the near future. No more surprises. I guessed am immuned.

Mak & Ayah had took off to Mekah in respect of the Pilgrimage's month. Left me to tend for my brothers and an awww so adorable sister. lol. Or the otherwise.

Yes, they're MOST welcomed.

I pray to God that my future steps shall be firmer on the ground they root on so that my previous traces shall, like dried leafs, befallen the ground and burnt or blown away to - Oblivion.

I've made mine, and I don't plan to further impregnate errors thus, inventing more mistakes.

With my shoes buckled, and my heart tied to a knot, I hope the train of these thoughts will keep burning their trails to a station of No End. I hope.

Tips for a Better Life

As per taken, more like stolen from Nadia's Blog. Permission ? Yea, here. * kindly insert one of those fingers up *

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26.. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.


You're MOST welcomed.

Its Already So Much & We've Already Missed You..

I just came back from Pak Long's house, yea used to. I've concealed my tears for quite some time until he took he last bath, or rather bathed. I've managed to conceal them so far and I just couldn't any longer when I saw my father's cautious pouring on his brother-in-law's body. Ex brother.

My mind's already contaminated and my views are bound to be distorted. Couldn't let the beautiful memories of him be taken away from me.

So I'll distance myself for now. Till again, my pen meets the paper.

Inflated Vessels & Bleeding Scriptures.

Al Fatihah Pak Long (We Luved You & We Luv You So Much)

When my father told me that Pak Long was again hospitalized for his Diabetic condition, I thought to myself that this has to be another of his long history of routine checks, ever since he contracted his Diabetes a few years ago or so.

I would pay a visit nevertheless, I thought to myself. I'll see his sly smiles when he cracks a joke about Hafiz's hair or who would marry first, and who would I marry again and again. I thought I'd see those today. But Pak Long was pronounced gone a little after Zohor just now. I was struck by the shattering sound in my heart. A gaping hole burned in between its beat.

I thought this was seemingly too unreal. But when I SMSed Yan and told her what had happened, and when she cried over the phone. I know thats Pak Long's gone, FOREVER from us.

I wouldnt see anymore of his sly jokes and half serious sarcastic tone of his.

Teary Pages & Bleeding Scriptures.

When my father told me that Pak Long was again hospitalized for his Diabetic condition, I thought to myself that this has to be another of his long history of

The Fucketh List II

These past few days have been the most confusing, if not shattering. It's been scary. But I guess that's just one of the ingredient of a cuisine we call Life. So yea, moving on, things are slowly looking up for me. And Everything seems to make Cents again. So with a few dollars that remains, Project My Fucketh List commences..

Here are some of the immediate goals projected for Project Fucketh List. (lol) The rest shall follow, when I feel like updating, yea sue me.

1. Pulau Langkawi (err.. again ?) - But this time around with a bunch or friends, you mofo !
2. Somewhere East Coast M'sia - Non Gay Bachelor party somewhere with Shahnaz and maybe a few fuckers of his caliber. Ha ha..

So whats good ? The drive, the roads, the cigs and the skir- err, the food I mean.

My shoes are buckled. Lets go ! :D

The Fucketh List.

Life shouldn't be treated as a checklist, I read somewhere. Well I see no wrongs in treating it as one especially when you're as unorganized as a 2 year old infant trying to fix his napkins. Err what was that ? Fuck it. So yea I was watching this movie the other day, there was these 2 dudes, both contracted Cancer, a little too late at their dim ages. Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, 2 heavyweights reining at their careers.

So basically, they were both admitted to the same hospital, that Jack owns, well pardon my lack of memory span to recall his character's name. To cut the story short, after going through some roughs and thicks and thins, quite together in the same room, they both headed for a trip inspired by Freeman's list of things he's always wanted to do his whole life, the so called Bucket List.

So I figure that I too should have one. Ok nanti sambung. Malas dah datang..

Life shouldn't be treated as a checklist, I read somewhere. Well I see no wrongs in treating it as one especially when you're as

Its a Sun-Day, Yet Its Raining, Fuck Irony.

Its raining outside. Light drops. Gentle, yet seemingly slowing down everything. Even the mind is thinking backwardly, instead of staying in the present, it wanders off the terrain of the Past. My only wish on Sundays such as this, is to be left alone, so that I can recline and retrace all the steps that had been taken, consciously or with its sub counterpart. Neither more or less. But I guess that's just too luxurious.

Its still raining as I type this, and the wails of duty is already knocking the door of my bedroom. Off to Seremban in a bit.

If I continue..

The World Should Put On A Brasierre

Am by nature, Vengeful. I notice that I'll go extra miles merely to prove you wrong and I too notice that if I don't get the portion that I thought I deserve, I'll just abandon the whole deal, just to leave bits of remorse in the hearts of the parties involved.

I think that I am far more intelligent than the others, the ground not being level, notwithstanding. Shit, come to think of it, I think I am far capable than numbers of my superior, still, being stuck under the these stupid corporate ladders, notwithstanding, kalau tak buat apa aku panggil dorang superior aku, Bodoh !

I think I am generally nice to all creatures and I can be appreciated by humans from all walks of life, until the day you get promoted to some celestial being namely, 'Arch Adversary' or 'Bitter Foe' - because when that happens, you could be dying with worms swarming in and outside your tummy and I would not just stand there, light a cig and laugh - enjoying the moment, so to speak, NO. You know what I'll do ? I'll instigate the worms to feed on your flesh, and I'll advice them to do it so slowly that you could actually enjoy the most overlooked scientific angle, that worms do have teeth ! - Yes, that much of a revelation, just moments before you meet your Creator. Nice kan ? Yes, you're welcomed. No, don't mention.

An Obnoxious, horny, Overlord who thinks that the world is oval-shaped - nice to nibble here and there, nice to see, nice to hold - until he discovers the fact that he is actually walking on a Silicon Valley - but who cares anyways, he keeps on walking with those two fingers that stuck up in the middle. Probably until the day they're down.

And fuck you - till then..

P/S: Ok, I dont really sign no autographs, but IF you insist, take of,f not your pants, but your skull, I'll have signed on your brain, so that you'll have me on your mind. Just to make it more memorable..

New Shits, The Old Reeking Schmell.

Been toying with HTML/XML hyper stuck-up languages and this, as you witness is the result. Which, shhh, shut your trap up. Yes, yes, minimal. No changes ? aside from some URL pasting ? Well fuck you then. Coz that's YOUR problem, not mine.

Moving on, OK I decide to move on.

Laters Sk8ers.

10 Different Ocassions & 1 Single Outcome.

Some people, they're just funny like that. 10 fingers, extended by the duality of arms, pointed, piously I'd like to suppose, to the ones they loath, while they were getting fingered by 10 different individuals, which by nature and right, should have accumulated, by luck, 20 indexes, thumbs and pinkies. And maybe more. Opps I digress, my point being, you sit pretty on top of the throne of the Haves, so the grounds of the Have-nots are by default your off-limit.

And really, the days of mirrors' functionality are long gone. I mean besides lipstick and mascaras, there are some really intriguing functions of the mirror too you know..

Ok I was just being emotional. These imbecils are not even worth a mention, let alone two in my highly Exalted Pieces of Thoughts. I mean you can keep barking at any tree, and that doesnt make you any houlier than thou. You're still a dog, a mad delirious bitch, by extension.

8 scattered pieces of my heart are now once again intact. No, you dunno what am talking about ? Find a piece of Rolodex - Fuck yourself.

Thanx, Ar.Az.

A flower so pretty trapped behind the broken vase
Driven miles just for an inch stretch of smile on my face

We both walked the same path leading to 2 different directions
How u turn my path of calamity into a Lavender's Garden -
Thats way way beyond my Exalted, but flawed Comprehension.

Thanx for the long enough embrace to accept me
Through the thicks of the midst and the thins of the wars that I flee.

And for allowing me to cry - When I do
The deliriousness of the murmus that I spew

There u were, braving a smile despite your own heavy baggages
At the sight of me struggling upon my wounds & bandages

And for that, I couldnt thank you enough, and for this..
A thank you would sound more exaggerating rather than suffice.

Thanx Luv.

Co'et Menduduki UPSR Hari Ini

Zahir head to his battle today. Lucks, Adik & Godspeed. We luv ya.

The Odds Were Against You In The First Place (Not Related)
Current Read: Past Mortem by Ben Elton

I was dreaming.. I was in a foreign land, New Zealand. Pelik, as it was too; - INteresting. There, I dreamt I was buying all those miniature toys and some miniature action figures, those that you could get from those kinds of kiosk nowadays.

I've been longing to jalan-jalan loads nowadays, am still clinging fast to the beluness of Redang's bitch, err, I mean beach.

The Art of AN-War.

This is how we do it. 15 Grands worth of votes spell the weight of hatred not towards you, (though its famously established that you deserve it) but towards oppression, unjustly treatments, rampant corruptions and most of all - being made a fool of. Orang Melayu kata - Kena tipu bulat-bulat.

And the clock doesn't even hit the 24th hour on her face, yet these people, these once overconfident, arrogant fuckin' dimwits are crying foul - apparent signs of failure to face the music - thus inventing a music of their own. Tunes full two (2) De's - De-fensive & De-nial.

Allow me to quote:

"Yes of course we have lost...we were the underdogs going into this race." - Muhammad Muhammad Taib, Umno information chief

"There was not much difference in the number of votes garnered by Anwar when compared with that won by his wife (Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail) in March." - Datuk Seri Najib Razak, Depussy Prime Minister

"It was his home ground, so that was always an advantage because he has a lot of support there. We expected him to win. This just proves there is nothing wrong with our electoral system. But I still doubt he will be able to pull off his Sept. 16 threat." - YB Dato Shahrir Samad, Domestic Trade Minister

Ha Ha, you people.. Seriously ! Am not quite sure whether those were the tones before the Bye-Election. Wargh kargh kargh. Quit sounding like a child that doesn't get what he wants, and since am nice by nature and generous by occasions (such as this landslide victory), let me lend the way around it, congratulate your opponent and accept the loss as one of those "The Rakyat has spoken" moments. That way, you might savor whatever scraps of credibility that you've got left in the draining coffers of your Leader Ship. But BN being the under dog a.k.a cock sucking bitch it is - will take more than a Kucing to have tanduks before that eventually happens.

Blood, rain, tears & battle scars - The ghastly scent of this AN-War.

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Don't Scorn The Tears For The Many Schmiles That'll Come

The bright ink that I consume when my heart's producing blue notes -
With words not the whole world, but only U could decode

With U beside me - I dont wonder when will the sun finally halt its shine
Coz if the sun lighten up the world, U are my world & U brighten up mine !

And by God, I want U to know that ur ALWAYS on my mind
Guess its time that U worry - coz ur not allowed to be no one's but mine

So dont scorn the tears for the many schmiles that will come. First -
Secondly, at the end of the day - I told U: INU still defines Us !

Lack of LeaderShip, Thus A Sinking Ship

Muzakarah between AMNO and PAS ? No, don't make me puke. AMNO could've asked for Muzakarah or whatever EVEN BEFORE the election, if they're goddamn fuckin' serious about the Muslims and the Malays' grievances whatsoever. Why now ? Nothing but an SOS signal from a sinking ship. Ship full of shitheads and fuckers. So why bother helping them out ?

And you, my fellow PR member PAS, have you forgotten what kind of pain they have inflicted you these 50 hellish years ? The Memali case, the lies they spun about you, the humilliation and the deceits. So why bother even flirting on the issue of even talking to them. These people are liars. Biggest of the sort. These will cause restlessness to your grassroots and your fellow Pakatan members.

For God's sake distance yourselves from all these talks about talks whatsoever under whatever circumstances.

And people know all about the despicable tactics from all these Main-Pisstreams media and their exaggeration about it, people knew. BUT you really gotta make it very very clear that this is not gonna happen or whatever. Heed your Mursyidul Am's call and abondon the whole idea.

AMNO is a sinking ship, all thanks to a very commendable captain and his vice. They're gonna take you down with them (should any political milages be achieved). Let them sink even further. Farthest to the abyss of Oblivion, down to the folds of History.

Malaysians Led By Idiots.

"Existing DNA sample too old" says the PM, nonchalantly, when asked about Anwar's refusal to give his DNA, on the same note check out some of these comments by some of the intellectual individuals that I manage to garner:

1. DNA Carmotograph is computer graphically recorded. Graph do not lie ! - Wisdom above

2. Also there is no such thing as a very "OLD" DNA sample from 10 years back, tell me, have you ever heard of this before? ----------------->

[/contd.] No doubt a science fiction, but Mr Cricton obviously knew more about Genetics, DNA and Cloning than you and your joker buddies. - KARMANNGHIA

3. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Our PM is so stupid! How can the blueprint of our genes change over time? Unless you are mutating! Holy cow, where did this AAB learn his science from? And what the heck was he thinking when he said .... just give the sample and ask for it (DNA test) to be conducted there and then. (Tell them) do it now, I want to see. ? This is not blood type sampling lah, uncle! There and then. Wow! - fireduck

I like the last comment best, Dear PM, the basis of our genes, dont change over time Goddamnit ! Unless you're gonna turn into some X-Men nincompoop just like one of your ex-minister, the not so valuable, Semi Value. If that one, yes, he deformed from one shape to another on occasions, which, should God permid, I shall elaborate later.

For now, lets just enjoy the fact of what good leaders we have to guide our children towards the rocky path of the Future.

Aina Mardiah Shahrial - Al Fatihah

pix - courtesy of Rockybru.

Aina Mardiah Shahrial was just 17 when she left to meet her Creator. Am pretty sure many of us didn't get the chance to know her let alone had the chance to love her. But when a child had to pass away without any chance of her seeing her father, now that part touches a piece of your heart.

But wait, thats not all there is to it, the father is an ISA detainee - En. Shahrial Sirin. I shall elaborate on ISA later, but now lets concentrate about this crime against humanity. Not exaggerating if I say a sin.

As taken from Rockybru's Blog

"In the afternoon of July 2, about 3 pm, she was admitted into Kajang Hospital. The girl was fighting for her life. The family immediately informed authorities at Kamunting, where her father had been detained for the last 7 years.

Somehow, Shahrial was only told of her daughter's illness at 10.30 am the next day, July 3. Aina's mother made a personal appeal to the authorities at Kamunting to let her daughter be with the dad for the last time. The doctors said Aina had only a few hours of life left, God-willing.

The authorities at Kamunting said they could not release Shahrial. They had to get your signature on the release papers. Yes, YB, your precious signature.

Aina's father was finally released at 5pm. It was the longest four-hour journey to Kuala Lumpur.

Shahrial got to her daughter's side at 9.45 pm. He was too late. Aina had passed away at 6.20pm without seeing her father. " - Rockybru

He was denied the right to see her daughter, what ? Because he's an ISA detainee ? I pray that the sky crumbles upon your bald head and the ground shakes beneath your feet for your sin against this detainee, who you and your gang have happily imprisoned.

Do you have a daughter ? Imagine, having to slide down the mud of her grave and having to bury her. Breaking in tears and having to part goodbyes though you really don't want to. Imagine having to walk away from the dark cemetery and leaving your daughter who you have, for years, cared for and pampered with. Syed Hamid, imagine.

What was his fault to be deserving such injustice and cruelty ? Coz he's an ISA detainee, a political prisoner to be exact. Hes not even proven guilty. Put behind bars for 7 friggin years and NO TRIAL. No hope, no whatever.

And moreover, God this is sad, WHAT WAS HER FAULT ? WHAT WAS HER FAULT GODDAMNIT ?! Answer this when you stand behind your Maker, the Utmost Exhalted and The Mightiest of All. Answer this.

.. and my deepest condolences for the grieving family, and you know you're not alone in this hard time. The whole Malaysia is raging.

My special thanks went to the Government of Malaysia and Mr. Syed Hamid specifically.

/sad - gravely.

Sultan Shalahuddin Al Ayubi & Err.. ?

"Seluruh kaum Muslimin yang menyaksikan kewafatannya menitiskan air mata apabila Sultan yang mengepalai negara yang terbentang luas dari Asia hingga ke Afrika itu hanya meninggalkan warisan 1 dinar dan 36 dirham. Tidak meninggalkan emas, tidak punya tanah atau kebun. Padahal berkhidmat pada kerajaan berpuluh tahun dan memegang jawatan sebagai panglima perang dan Menteri Besar sebelum menubuhkan Emirat Ayyubiyah.

Kain yang dibuat kafannya adalah betul-betul dari warisan beliau yang jelas-jelas halal dan sangat sederhana. Anak beliau yang bernama Fadhal telah masuk ke liang lahad meletakkan jenazah ayahnya. Dikatakan bahawa beliau dikebumikan bersama-sama pedangnya yang dipergunakan dalam setiap peperangan agar dapat menjadi saksi dan dijadikannya tongkat kelak pada hari kiamat. "

My take: Salahuddin Al-Ayubi, a great man, a great leader - easily. A man his bravery does all his talks, a man whose the Muslims are forever in debt of, a man respected and feared by his companions and adversaries alike. A man the pens of history dance upon - basically a man WORTHY of all worldly possessions, given his achievements and contributions to Islam and Muslims alike and would can easily gain access to them if he wanted to -

But he died possessing not more than a mere Dinar and 36 Dirham ! (say RM 1.36 as of current context). Oh my God. I've somehow heard the story somewhere, but I still got the shake in my heart every time I come across this. And he fights too, 100 wars and unscathed.

He didn't purchase a mansion in Gold Coast, Australia or drive a Merc or a Beamer despite being tens of years in the office. He didnt have dinners at plush places let alone having a foreign female negotiator to purchase firepower from some foreign countries. He didn't even have to blow his enemies to pieces, instead he fought them head on - with but one intention, Islam.

Before his death, he requested to be buried along with his war-coats and swords, just so that when put before his God, if asked what's he done for his religion and fellow Muslims - he could tell his Maker of wars he's participated bearing His Name. A great and respected leader - yet a humble God-fearing slave.

So you're a leader ? A Malaysian leader even ? Benchmark just how far you are just to get the scent of his ragged, furry old war coat. Heh.

The dreadpost.

One of those days eye feel like am better off dead - The extend of what I feel about having to ask and did what I did.

/away - colors of sin & the scent of guilt

I Wonder Why..

..the people have failed so triumphantly, to notice a simple yet pretty much mind-boggling fact, that this 50 years old government has managed to burden the life of its citizen for decades. And whats funny, under the citizens' noses with the citizens' consent - self explanatory under the premise of - citizens voted them into the office.

The "simple yet pretty much mind-boggling fact" I say, is the simple fact that, the price of goods will definitely, significantly be increased RIGHT AFTER the election. I have observed the obvious pattern so long as my analytical and critical side of the brain develops to be aware of the impact from such issues. Having seen my parents sighing on our dinner table since ever before that, back when I was still but a small brat.

Well its logical for the manufacturers and tradesmen to share the increased cost with the consumers by channeling the cost directly to the end-product. Higher costs, spiraling from the hikes of petrol price, electricity and water tariffs have left the parties few choices aside from increasing the price - barring a few sly, advantage taking manufacturers and tradesmen.

Well people might say that the Malays are so used of being pampered and is now throwing the toys out of their pram, having to face the Reality punch. Me being a Malay and getting out of the Malays' usual way by asking questions, but I digress, the question is why AFTER THE ELECTION ? Well it doesn't stop there, NO. But the commencement of the whole price hike showdown will kick off RIGHT AFTER the election.

My take is that because so much money was wasted in the electoral campaigns, the needs arise for the government to recoup the lost and by doing so through imposing the surcharges to the citizens. And whats even more despicable, by justifying all this through legal means and official mainstream medias, which they remotely control in the first place. What a bunch of thieves disguised by the malicious smile of politicians.

Mismanagement ? Now thats an understatement.

Strange Days, Strange Days Indeed.

Am so fuckin' pissed that I dunno, what to write about. Basically, there are no more good or trustworthy things to watch on TV. Main piss stream medias serve nothing but as the deceitful tongue of arrogant leaders. Citizens are expected to shut up and threaten of should they grow more balls to voice out their grievance. Lies, deceit, power abuse, scandals, conspiracies ran rampant in the face of what remains of what used to be an Economic Tiger of South East Asia.

Stupefying the Malays has worked since the despicable era of the Brits, where the sons of the farmers and fishermen are to inherit their parents' job. This works just well with the Brits because the Malays are the Son of the Soil (bumiputra) of Tanah Melayu, thus by stupefying them, the Brits can well go on with the pillage of Tanah Melayu's resources, unhalted. A move who would've thought would, after decades, be used against the Malays again, shockingly even, BY THE MALAYS.

The Pussy Minister screams of "Do not Challenge Me !" when pushed against the wall - to sound downright defensive, which has won him loads of DISScredits and oh, lack of respect. Not to mention, none at all parallel of what a well educated person would say, let alone a leader. Dumbfuck.

The Deputy Pussy Minister on the other hand, slick, sick, ambitious - yet evil smothered with some scents of Idiocy, however. Running scared coz his pink underwear was about to fall off, just to sound cocky again, the next day, when this certain Catastrophe (Bala) made a total U-turn from a People's Champion to an oversexed Pussy. A Hero never he was, a Zero nonetheless.

And what is it with us ? A 60 year old man who has just underwent his spinal surgery, sodomizing a healthy 23 year old Idiot, with a well built frame (but obviously not the brain) ? Against the Idiot's will ? What the fuck ? Are you fuckin' stupid ? Bodoh punya Melayu.

The Pussy Minister is a Once In A Lifetime failure - U don't find this kind of idiotically brave Saya-Pantang-Dicabar leader in 2 lifetimes. Period.

Malaysia's Filthy Political Playing Groun- err, Ass ?

Sai-full Bukhari Azlan - Read more here

Opps they did AGAIN, every 10 years is it ? Another sodomy charge on the same man, from the same ruling party - with a slightly different idiotic spinners. Wow, Anwar does tend to get horny when his political career is on the brink of Make or Break, no ?

When he defied Mahathir a decade ago, he sodomized Azizan, now that he's defying the current administration, he sodomized this pathetic, shallow looking Sai-full* ? My God, every time there's an attempt to shake the Corridors of Power, somebody had to be sodomized. What filthy lying fucking bastards we have up in the top administration of our beloved country.

Sai-full dude, take the money, you're not gonna live off easy with the filthy monies anyway, I DON'T hope, like every rationale and fair-minded Malaysian does, that you repent, - what I do hope though, is that you burn in the abyss of eternal scorching flames for the rest of your afterlife.

You've made your family's life hard enough for having the brain the size of a peanut, now you're making them breath even harder for having to acknowledge that you're one of them. Big ups.

* Sai means shit in Japanese, but who cares anyways, so long as it fits my anger's bill..

The Newpaper, The Box & A Raizzen (Hepi Burfdaye Dear)

Time to unscramble the temple of my thought
With words that shall leave u with - Oh my God !

Travelled to the end of my mind, seeking tirelessly
Words beautiful enough to inscript My One and Only

I wonder why my heart pounds so much when U crossed my mind
Thats when I realize that I breath U, Sunshine !

I didnt lie to U when U asked me Did I send U something
Coz I sent U someone - just like what U ask me, Darling.

So with Newspaper, a box and a Raizzen barely in a hay
I extend to you my warmest of Greetings - Happy Quite A Belated Birthday !

Just Go (Don't Look Back)

Portugal out of Euro 2008, serve Ronaldo just right. Don't get me wrong, am a staunch Manchester United fan, and I don't have any grudge against Portugal coz frankly, I think they possess some of the greatest talents in the world. Its just that LATELY, I've been getting weary of Ronaldo's childish antics and oh, grrreed.

1. Childish Antics

Yes, the dude's TALENTED. Hands down. But why, why in the whole wide world that you'd think that the mess' judgment would weigh on your side simply because of that ? Say, the dude stops the game, simply because HE BELIEVES that this other dude from this other team has fouled him. OMG, you don't simply stop the game until the ref's blown his whistle, thats basic, no ? You'd be gloriously getting a slap on your face telling a 6-year old kid to stop the game simply because you believe that he was roughed up. Erm, maybe I was getting a little too far there, but I think I speak of my point quite clearly.

2. Grrrrrrreed.

OK, Real Madrid are champions, yes nobody's questioning that. But Manchester United are the clear winners for the recent Champions League campaign, AND a consecutive winner for two Premier Leagues, if he's so keen on winning trophies. So what the fuck are these talks about him being 'uncertain about his future, until Euro has wrapped up' ? Henceforth, keeping the probable transfer window open. Nothing but pure grrrreed and stardom (?) seeking bastard, I'd say.

What about all these Galácticos who's all keen to play in Spain regardless of so many Galáctico-turn-Gelakgilo once they entered Spanish stage ? Are their balls too big that they're blinded to all this ?

And now Portugal is out of the picture, decide now. And if hes so keen to leave, let him be, MU doesnt need a bratty and arrogant punk who thinks hes so big that he's helped MU win this and that trophies, we keep and recruit PURE talents who wants to PLAY FOR US. Premier League wasnt won alone, same goes or even more so for the Champions League, so if you think you're a super LONE force to be reckon with, go ahead and leave.

Daulat Tuanku !

Today, Malaysians shall celebrate our Agung, (DYMM) Al-Wathiqu Billah Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin Ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Mahmud Al-Muktafi Billah Shah's official birthday.

And it brings me great pleasure to say that Your Majesty is one of the few very modest King Malaysia has seen in ages. His heart is with the Rakyat. Though little can be done, under limited authority, thanks to our beloved Tun Dr. Mahathir, Your Majesty has managed to pull some of the most extravagant actions for instance, refusing to hand over the MB post to Iblis, err, I mean Idris Jusoh.

This, my friends, am telling you, was a turning point to the Royalties that have long been treated by AMNO goons as mere ceremonial puppets, no offense intended. Your Majesty was telling the whole Sultan-ship - "This is how YOU should do it". And whether or not Your Majesty has succeeded in captaining the Sultan-ship, just look at the situation in Perak and Perlis.

Your Majesty shed tears when parting ways with the Terengganu's palace -

“Although physically I will be far away, it will only be out of sight, but not out of mind. The fact is, I will always be in the hearts of the Terengganu people..”

An exemplary of a King indeed, a People's King. Long live the King !

My 2 & Government's 78 Cents.

Dont talk to me about subsidy, fools, for I am a layman within the multitude of the Nation's economy. But wait, dont be too quick to accuse me of being ignorant, I know the oil price, hate it or love it, has to increase. Tapi jangan la melampau, Babi.

Kesian gila all the middle-classed Rakyat who have to suffer because of your stupidity. You sit in the comfort of plush leather seats behind your fat chauffeur, how would you know of our pain and grievance.

I hope you know that the Rakyat from all layers and backgrounds are cursing you day and night and I hope you live a long life so that you may witness, like you predecessor does, what you have done, the wrath that you've brought upon the usually 'takpelah' Malays and the unjustly treated fellow Chinese and Indian Rakyat.

And from the bottom of heart I say that if the price hikes aren't meant for the benefit of Rakyat or the money saved from the ever-boasted, subsidy ill spent - Aku tak halalkan duit tu and I hope you got burned in the hell of scorching flames for the dark clouds that you've casted upon innocent and misled Rakyats.

Dont talk to me about subsidy, fools, for I am a layman within the multitude of Nation's economy. But wait, dont be too quick to accuse me of being ignorant, I know the oil price, hate it or love it, has to increase. Tapi jangan la melampau, Babi.

Kesian gila all the middle-classed Rakyat who have to suffer because of your stupidity. You
sit in the comfort of plush leather seats behind your fat chauffer, how would you know of
our pain and grievance.

I hope you know that the Rakyat from all layers and backgrounds are cursing you day and night
and I hope you live a long life so that you may witness, like you predecessor does, what
you have done, the wrath that you've brought upon the usually 'takpelah' Malays and the
unjustly treated fellow Chinese and Indian Rakyat.

And from the bottom of heart I say that if the price hikes arent meant for the benefit of
Rakyat or the money from saved from the ever-boasted subsidy ill spent - Aku tak halalkan
duit tu and I hope you got burned in the hell of scorching flames.

Am In Love.

I luv my government, really. What just rulers would selflessly put the Rakyat first before anything else other than the respective Malaysian government of ours. I mean fuck, so considerate they are, we are enjoying oil price cheaper than of our neighboring countries namely Singapore, Thailand and the sorts - nevermind their income basis. And oh Malaysians are never really bothered with the fact that we are an exporter too. So Yay! to that.

Wait I havent finished yet.

And so damn considerate are these individuals that are walking in the corridors of power of our country, they want their people to be healthy. "Avoid obesity" or "belajar berjimat" are the sorts of timely and accurate advices that us Malaysians require of. So friends, let us all heed these calls by our leaders and walk hand in hand in realizing the true healthy Malaysian spirit. Oh dont mention the ministers, they need all the rice, I mean for God's sake, these are the people that have selflessly, day in day out, thinking about the betterment of our country and her people. They would no doubt, be needing the rice, nevermind their obesity too, coz you can bet that their brain would be as big as their tummy, if not bigger. They need that ok ? So shut your trap up and submit Punks ! This is for your own good.

And I bear no curiosity why would Ezam leave his comrades, promises and vows rushing to the embrace of AMNO. Well, they've got good leaders, no ? These people are so hell bent on strengthening Malaysia, our beloved country, they are middle-named after the word Rakyat. Of course their first and last name wouldn't be Perompak and Malaysia, respectively. No no, not these people. Positive.

Oh my God, am so touched. Like an old friend of mine used to say, "Touch the hearts and you get to touch the breast".

P/S : depar ylsuoenatlumis gnieb si aisyalaM. Big ups.

Malaysia Oh Malaysiaku..

Dasar kita adalah dasar berbaik-baik dengan jiran, betul ? Baiknya kita dengan jiran kita sampai sebidang tanah tergadai pun dikira sedekah. Mengadu kat Tok Ketua, Tok Ketua bagi jiran kita sebidang tanah, kita dapat 2 bijik batu, boleh buat alas pasu bunga, kata Tok Ketua. Kita dengan tanpa segan atau silunya kata keputusan ni adil, dan ia adalah satu sesuatu yang orang putih kata, 'win-win situation'.

OH MY GOD apa bodoh sialnya mamat sorang ni. Thats a fuckin win-win ? OMG ! I better rape somebody and apologize later and says that it was a win-win situation, since the victim was probably having fun on her end as well, yea ? OMG! Bodoh nak mampus sial.

Jambatan Bengkok - scrapped. In the name of golf budd-, err, I mean goodwill between neighbours. 4 bils something project, scrapped in the name of goodwill between neighbours. Pulau Batu Puteh - kalah, but they say its ok anyways coz our PM has got a good tie dengan these S'pore punks. Wilayah Iskandar something dekat Johor nu, come another 40-50 years after the leasing period, after all these Setan Buncit dah makan kenyang-kenyang duit haram and died probably bedding with cash, lets all not act surprise if this same exact Batu Puteh II episode will come to play once again. We all shall then say " Ahhhh, deja vuuuuuu " schmiling in agreement while a few slaps are stamped on our proud Malaysia Boleh face. Yay !

And here comes the author's note: Dont get me wrong, I love my country and I'd die protecting it and alas, the harshness of my words just reflect how utter my disappointments are toward the strong, bersih, cekap dan amanah leadership of our country. And am not, by all means, trying to encourage sexual obscenity or rape in my article. I luv women (rape is not love, you damned fools !). If you would understand metaphors, then I dont see any problems with the article.

Till then,

Rzn x 10 sighs.

Malays' Politics, Political Malays, Bla Bla Bla

Malays losing power ? lol. What the fuck are you bitches saying ? There are now 121 MP's in the Parliament compared to 120 of 2004 post General-Election. Malays losing power ? Or their shallow interpretation of the Malays are of that political Malays MUST be made of AMNO fools ?

Aww c'mon, did the voters swing hit you on the head too hard ?

LOL. Punks.

10.39 AM

Feeling rather messed up. Planned to schleep as long as I could so that the sorrows will just begone when am awake. Only to be awaken by mom's family breakfast ramblings. Kereta rosak pulak, sighs, why now. Of course the grass is greener on the other side, yet everything I touched turns blueish. I need company lest I will only be only accompanied by these darkness of sorrows.

Looks like I'll be updating the Blog more often now since I dont really have anyone to spill my feelings to.

Thanx for being here.

10.43 AM

I think I should get myself a camera so that I can play with it and transcend the digital pixels into some meanings. Hrmmm, Canon ? But I like Sony..

12.00 PM ++

Feeling lonely ass hell. Missing my Kancil badly. I wanna go outttttttt. Wheres my cig, I need some schmoke.

6.46 PM



Wake up from some afternoon nap. Feeling rather dreadful.

11.56 PM

Mamak stall, it was already 3-1 and Nani sent off before the interval. But its OK. We were just showing why exactly Chelsea should remain the Blues. Heh.

Politik Melayu.

Politik Melayu.. Politik Melayu.. When will these fuckers wake up and smell some good coffee. And you wonder why BN was doing so wonderfully well in the polling stations last March 8. Its leading party, the UMNO has lost its stint and yet, I still find it miraculous that they haven't wake up from their nice slumber. Politik Melayu is irrelevant Goddamnit ! Its so yesterday, history, fullstop !

Yes, it was a relevant and celebrated cause back in the Tunku-days, yes it was relevant in the pre-Independence day, yes it WAS. No denying it. And whoever is trying to minisculize it should be hanged to public contempt. But thats that. Yet, in those days, I mean a little after the tragic events of May 69', you start to see these Indians singing Malay songs, Alleycat for instance, Chinese acting in Malay movies et ceteras. Weird. That was when Politik Melayu was relevant and the Malays were so fond of UMNO, but now its weird when that sentiment is slowly wearing off, by right, the non-Malays should have come closer to us and ?

The total opposite.

Shocking ? Tell me that the night is dark, instead. We should have graduated from this racial barriers long ago, but why, why are we still at the old notch ? Or getting worse even ? Why ? Coz these UMNO punks and their henchmen have been unnecessarily spinning and fuming the same old fucking stupid manifestos, right when they feel that they are no more needed. Its just a simple psychological maneuver, one that you control people by instilling fear in their hearts. Genius, yea right. I bought that.

UMNO is history, its just so sad that the predecessors cant even come close to having the charisma of its founding fathers. Sad.

Racial politic is plain stupid - Islam will do.

Have I ever forgotten..?

Have I ever forgotten..?
Oh yes I might just be

And I thought the grass is greener
On the other side

Yet am proven - by the Other Wise
Its always blue - and its always You

And You alone
Shall face this

Have I ever forgotten..?
Oh yes I might just be

Should've trusted the Infinite Power
of Solitary

In Stead of, the two & three
There was never a You & Me

Please Insert An Emoticon ____

..Tell me to live without & how am I supposed to ? U defines my heartbeat
It still doesn't feel real 'til I woke up with a pillow full of tears that I bleed..

Scared of the dark, yet somehow, the feeling that your hands are within reach
..has got me feeling like am thousand miles away when I've just moved an inch..

Its only so much and already I've missed U, a feeling that places NONE above U
A recurring sound that sounds a little something just like this - I Love U.

At The End of The Day.. INU Still Defines US II.

The whole world could've turned their back on you
They walk not their talks, run a mile in your shoe ?

Oh Please.

Fuck livin' Lavish, rather enjoy the Luxury of your company..
.. and only, ONLY Nothing could come between You & me..

.. for I shall be the light from the darkness that befriends U..
..Coz Darling, at the end of the day - I told U, its still INU.

At The End of The Day.. INU still Defines US.

I tried to word out how meaningful you are to me..
& only manage to phrase the literal surface of Thee.

Penning the weight of my feelings on the lightness of these pages
Inking the plays of 'I love U' on the center stage

6 million lives that define the entire earth's population
And all I want is this one mere soul - fuck the other portion.

If luving U is Right, then I dont care of whats Left !
& Life could've struck me with harsh notes, I rather be tone deaf.

Grant me this dance for it takes 2 to Tango, and sway
Audienced by the stars, dance flooring the milky ways

If U ask me, no yer not the only one in my heart - yer one with it !
Tell me to live without & how am I supposed to ? U defines my heartbeat.

Pardon my ways that are no stranger to being strange & weird
But even after that, you're still the one I love, period.

Just know that if yer drowning in your tears
I'm sinking within oceans of guilt, dear.

SHE treads silver linen in the sky SHE graces
And draws about golden sparkle for the place SHE hovers

SHE's but a paper plane, one that I'd shelter through the rain
One I'd live with and to die for - nevermind the pain.

SHE's but a paper plane, seemingly fragile.. yet ambitious !
SHE is - One that I luv, substance I need for INU to define US.

Khir Toyo Has Got Himself A Bologggg !!!!11
Nota Kaki : Saya masih skeptikal. Tiada kemaafan dipinta, pun begitu. :/

Pix courtesy of - shw.fotopages.com

Khir's Legendary Bologggg!!!!11

The Untitled Post.

Mat Nor : Ko tak tau .. ? Abang Ali dah meniggal.. (No, you dunno ? Ali has passed away..)

Myself : Aaaa.. ? Bila .. ? (When was that ?)

Mat Nor informed me and I pause to check on his facial expression, trying to ascertain whether or not this is one of those pre-April Fool slapsticks. And there he was, serious as hell and there I was too, numb & dumbfounded. Knocked by a bunch of mixed feelings, I was in shock, disbelief and more so, Sorrow. I mean we used to had breakfast and jokes with each other and it just felt like it was just yesterday I was having breakfast with him. And now this ? It just seems so Unreal.

He was a good man, big hearted for somewhat small position he was entrusted to. Smiles have never failed to be within the vicinity of his face. A peculiar habit of shaking everybody's hands despite meeting them like ALMOST everyday. We sometimes laugh at this weird habit of his, but that just goes to show how much of a good man he was, I mean we find it peculiar, because we ourselves, COULD NOT HAVE DONE what the man had done.

Sedihnya.

"..And now am dreading and taunting myself with bitter and useless questions.."

Why do Fireflies depart so soon.. ?

Al-Fatihah.

In the schmiling memories of Mohd Ali Napiah bin Majid,

Rzn
23 Rabi'ul Awal 1429 Hijrah
31st March 2008
10.06 AM

Current Listen : Blue October - Hate Me.mp3

I feel totally outside of the world driving home from minum session with a friend, its like my head was spinning 720 degress

Idealism Part II
Nota Kaki : The continuation from the previous Idealism.

Idealism Part erm, One ?

Are we too old for Idealism ? Were we too young for not being Idealistic ? The dude traveled to Terengganu with hopes, though I doubted that someone with a temper with the size of a teaspoon would've made it. Gave him the benefit of my doubt, nonetheless. Off he shoot to Terengganu with some quick little strategies we manage to table, though, I had hoped that I too, can be present with him just so that I'd keep him in check just in case his short fuse is about to blow or whatever. But that, never did materialized, given the commitments I was entrusted with and the ad hoc nature of the journey.

Told him to keep in touch, to report on stations he's arrived at and to talk to me FIRST before coming into whatever crucial decisions that he will be down to . So there he was, calling me for a few times that night. Reporting. When he did not call me back after the last time he'd contacted when he's reached Kuala Terengganu, I was slightly worried (I know what you're thinking, but the dude was not himself, you know).

Later that day, around half past five, my cellphone rang, it was his :

Me : Assalamualaikum Naz..
S : * Answers the Salam *
Me : Apa cerita ? (Whats up hey ?)
S : Aku dengan dia dah takde apa-apa dah.. (Me & her have already broken up)
Me : What the.. ?
S : Aku dah cakap ngan family dia dah.. Mano-to-Mano talks.. (I've spoken to her family, man-to-man talk)
Me : Aaaaaa.. ? Ko sure ke ni.. ? (Are you sure ?)
S : Aku sure.. Dah la, aku tanak pk pasal ni lagi.. (Am sure, enuff of it I dont wish to think about this anymore..)
S : Aku nak start hidup baru.. ( I wanna start a new life.. )
Me : Ko ni.. Ko marah ni.. ( You're saying this out of being mad.. )

He denied being under the influence of his frustration and the decision he's come to was a rational one and required, given the quagmire he was in. I told him that he's got my unwavering support for so long as his decision was made within the boundaries of Rationality. I reminded him of one thing though. I reminded him of going against whatever he's said that particular day and and its his job as a man, to stick to whatever decision he's come to and to stand by it regardless of what shall come in the future, for long to come.

He affirmed that thats the very thing he plans to do, though, again, I doubted him, given the definiteness of his objective before shooting off to Terengganu. Again, I, out of my definite generosity, offered him the benefit of my doubt anyways. But my doubts were never baseless, the dude was never really cured from the cuts. They were too deep to begin with, now at times, he still rants about getting back, at times talking and being stupid. Most of the time, am just ears, some other time, a whip and a knock on his head will do, just to bring him back to Reality. Just like the time has consumed the strength that he's got once, and how a short period of time has managed to kill him, time too, will rebuild the proof of his presence and assert to his fact-blocking head, of what worth he held.

Us humans, we're weak. We forgot our objective in the absence of numbers and strength. Being alone, alone, is enough to cloud our real purpose of cause. Let alone the batterings and a few slaps of Reality check on our faces. We melt before the coldness of Hardships and evaporate into thin air in the Fahrenheit of Obstacles. Thats just how weak we are.

Idealism, Part I & II - Tammat.

P/S : Oh, saya masih puitis..

Politics.. Shall We ?
Nota Kaki : A deliberately delayed response of the previous election from a self proclaimed Political Observer (citation needed)

Enjoy this seemingly identical scene of Malaysian politics.. Those 2 look exactly like the 2 idiots that were interviewed by Al-Jazeera the other day. Answering-wise, at least.

The Malaysian General Election 2008. It was a day full of emotions, emphasized tensions, gaping mouths, tears, laughters, paid dues and the et ceteras. It was also a day full of media spinnings, politically motivated or the otherwise.

Talking about media spinnings however, the post-election spins are even funnier than pre-election ones. The recent Perak MB swearing-in ceremony by Ir. Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin of PAS that was initially boycotted by DAP too was seen as a stage of spinning the political fan. Oh pardon me, in fact that was the center stage of the spins. How ignorant of me.

Mr. Kit Siang, if in doing so was under the influence of PAS-phobia drugs (lol), would be so politically unwise, and the action, uncalled for. But I think theres more to this than what have been potrayed in these piss-stream-medias or what the losers, the sore losers mind you, would want the rakyats to believe. I think there were some twists in the plot, hold your breath gentlemen and the ladies of course !

What if the so called 'boycott' was actually a decoy to avoid the vengeful axes of the sore MCA ?

I mean if DAP didnt put up a fight to the lease, what would the Perak Chinese say ? They will even start to question " Will these submissive punks be able protect our rights and whatnots ? They didnt even budge an inch when this was announced.. " And be rest assured that the MCA will not take a crossed-arm stance should that actually happens. Kinda like Penang UMNO trying to be the Malay's champion in vocalizing their thoughts against the DAP-led state government in Penang. Yea right, we buy that.

And before I stray even further, I need to reiterate that, should the boycott was a measured, calculated and anticipated response, woahhhh am so the very impressed. Malaysia has just, by far, witnessed, a very outsmarting political decoy, with or without her realization.

P/S : .. And why politicize DAP's move when ex-Perlis Mentri Besar didnt even attend his successor's swearing in session ? Was that a pat on the back for Malaysia's Royal Institution ? Was Shahidan's move that ? lol. Funny la, you people..

P/P/S : LOL even the Terengganu BN DUN members are 'boycotting' the new MB swearing-in ceremony ? HAHA.

Happy Birthday, Mak.

Mak is being attacked by an unidentified monstrous entity.

Mak went 49 just now. Happy Birthday Mak. She's aging. Thanks for all the love & the care that you've given us these good 25 years. I love U, from the bottom of my heart I do. Regardless of my weird ways and the tendency to never be transparent about my feelings and things.

Bullshit(s)
Nota Kaki : Completely & Utterly Fuckin' Bullshit !

Dear Sirs / Madams,

The above matter refers.

We are pleased to inform your good self that we are feeling something quite similar to that of a cow poop. Enclosed herewith are some of the closest representatives of what we are feeling. We seek for your kind cooperation to examine the followings :

The Kepala Surat.

No..No.. We are nice people, RLY !


I insist, that we are nice people still !


No..No.. Its just the circumstances..


* sighs *


Its the circumstances sir, not us..

We believe that the above is appropriate and timely in manner, we neither seek to vilify nor offend any parties but in the process somebody might get hurt and we seek to humbly apologize that we do not care at all about apologizing for breaking your heart(s).

Sorry. :(

Kind regards & Yours sincerely,

Rzn.

Pack & Leave

"I'll settle all the outstandings that I've been entrusted with.." and I continued, with snail-like speed, ".. And I'll look for a transfer..". "Transfer ? transfer where ? ** Dept. ? Yer still gonna face me..", "No, somewhere else, Operations maybe ? Am contemplating to do shift even.."

Despite she thinking that she has managed to convince me to go against my decision of transferring, I've made a silent vow to myself - I'll get these outstandings over with, and I'll go. With a proper leaving manner, of course. I came and was welcomed from the front door " I hope even after I've left this Dept., we're still gonna be friends.. " " I appreciate what you've guided me with, what you've taught me, but colleagues are crucial for your personal performance AND there are some people that you are compatible with, and there are some that are incompatible.. " and I continued.. " And I cant work with her, I've tried.. "

She shouldn't even have budged me, and NO, she didn't, but I've said to a colleague.. " Nobody will make me leave here, nobody. UNLESS I WANT IT TO BE.."

And I think its high time for me to leave..

The Epitome of Idiocy.
Nota Kaki : The Prophecy of Doom to our World !

Rewritten this fucking entry for almost i dont wanna fuckin know how many times. Gi mampus. Fuck am exhausted. And plusses feeling at the bottom of my feeling. Am fuckin angry and I dunno how to express it unlike certain so called fuckin colleague ? Colleague my fuckin' ass. Die out. And die out quick.

The bitch has managed to piss me off and getting away with it for far too long. Any dude that knew me long enough know that I am a fuckin reasonable head. I dont lose my head too easily. But this fuckin Dog poop is a total exception. Who the fuck do you think you are to wave your fingers at me and expect me to run and lick your shoe's bottom ?

Oh what the flying fuck, she manages to make it sound so tragic and sad that I'm being rude to her. Oh my superior bought that ! And I, could've only helplessly smirk and hiss at her being oh so dramatic. lol. Sob Drama Queen. We luv ya, really. Therefore, go fuck yerself. And that smirk and hiss, in front of my boss, wont do me any justice in her oh so dramatic false claims. In which I manage to get a nice remark in return " That, is one the sign of being rude ". lol. Am Genius !

I regret not the things Ive said and done, only that I wish that I didnt lose my head. Coz man I really lose it... :(

Idiots piss me off. :((

Fuck them.

At the end of the day, The Blog, is still the best of my lonely company..

Idealism. Nota Kaki : This is as real as it could be, mcm Cerekarama, tapi bukan.

Our wishes and hopes are childish idealism, faced against the harsh surface of Reality. Us, fragile humans are bound to succumb to horrendous pitfalls. At times, we could never go back, back to something that was us.

A friend of mine was dreading at his seeming fault, running through self inflicted mental torture, blaming himself on things he thought he did. Weeping and having no one to hear your tears. Painful. I know the dude, obnoxious, arrogant, hoo-haa, I-Dont-Give-A-Flying-Fuck type asshole. But he weeped. He weeped for the girl.

Was I taken aback for the fact that he cried & dread so much, and alone for the fact. He wasn't him when i was talking to him yesterday. The dude's messed up and most of the time lost his points and direction. So much so at times, i had to tell him to shut up and let me make my points first. And the arrogant bastard did too, and EVEN THANK ME later for that. Shocking ? Tell me about it.

Belanja him drinks, asked him to sit and even bring the beverage to the table in my shallow attempt of making the session as comfortable as I can for him. (Oh, I don't usually do this for gentlemen, mind you, so all ya fucken' Gheys, bugger off now !)

S : I've got a girlfriend of hrmm, from 2001 to 2008, how long is that ?
Me : Wow. Thats erm, around 6 - 7 years man !
S : Yea, that long. * long pause *
Me : Now relax, and tell me what happen dude..
S : She's engaged dude, to someone else..
Me : What the Fu-, what happen man ?
S : We got involved in an accident. Both of us..
Me : Uh-huh. * nods nods *

The ramblings went on and I pretty much garnered that the blames are on his shoulder, as he asserted his guilt after every few words he spilled. But in the midst of the messed up state he was in, he was as resolute as a man who's willing to gamble everything, including his life, in a single turn of wheels and put everything behind, for the girl. He's already got a one way ticket to Terengganu, though the Definite Major Purpose of him going there, wasn't properly defined, I know in his heart, he needs to see the girl, and the girl FIRST, before anything else. I was moved, though a little skeptical on the lack of planning in the little plan of his.

I told him that he's got my full support and he's not alone in this. I will back whatever decision that he's come and will come to, so long as the decisions are made within the borders of Rationality. Not maneuvered by neither his anger nor frustration.

I told him to go run and get her back.

But as idealistic as we were, deep in my heart I know that Reality isn't as nice as we would've hoped for. The damage has been done and it will take more than the distance of the travelling to undo the fix. Thus, i reminded him that nothing, NOTHING is guaranteed to work 100 % as we would idealistically hope for. That first. Secondly, the damage is already on its semi-permanent stage, if not permanent, hence, the travelling and the assuring processes might take a while, tiring and sometimes seemingly pointless, but maybe, just maybe, if we put enough faith, even a frozen ocean might melt into a flowing sea again. Oh saya sungguh puitis !

To be, or not to be continued. My preference. :D

Laters.

Raizzen

" Why Do Fireflies Depart So Soon ? "
Nota Kaki : Some quotes from Notes From The Underground

They shone. And begone. Far to Oblivion,
Lighted our Life with the scarcity of theirs,
Brighten the face of ours in the darkness they face -

They came around too late,
And they depart too soon,
"And now am dreading,
Taunting myself,
With bitter,"
Useless, Question..

Asking " Why do Fireflies depart so soon ? "

In the smiling memories of -

" I hope U Like The Flowers.. "

Nota Kaki : Quotes and paying homages from and to the late Tupac here & there..

She's beautiful, give me a silent nod if u think its not an overstatement..

Her smiles captivate not the entire hall, they collapse the whole foundation

But nobody ever wonder why does she has damaged petals..

Oblivious of the vengeful winds she faces alone, her personal battles.

Clueless of ocean of tears she braves alone in the odd hours

She's walked blinfolded, on a pitch dark path frighteningly lonely to others.

And learnt the hard way, to appreciate the beauty of the company of tears

Odd how something of fragile nature withstand the batterings thru these years

She's witnessed something no soul should have even heard of

Its time she blooms and rise up, its time she takes off

P/S : I dedicate not the pants, but the bouquet on the trousers :D

Rise & bloom, let yourself off the past.. " I hope U like the flowers.. "

" Funny it seems, but by keeping her dreams, she learned to breathe fresh air.

Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared. "

Untitled Randomism.

Wan's leaving us for boarding school at Seremban. Ironically, the school I was in, I mean practically, coz my old school was relocated to another area somewhere around Seremban II. So now we'll both study at the same exact ground, with 2 different schools ! Woah. Odd coincidence.

Saddens me that the house is gonna be even emptier now that both Yan & Hafiz are doing their studies in Penang.

I feel voided of literary power to express how I'm feeling now, but it feels terribly lonely.

Dire State.

Am in dire state of need of My Old Self. Would I even have a look at what I've done to myself. Oh shit, please, please, please reincarnate The Self Centered, Obnoxious, Ignorant bastard I was.

Who the fuck are ya ? *looks in the mirror* Who the fuck are ya weepy whiny little Bitch ?

I hate you ! OMG !111 I hate Myself..

/me raises 2 middle fingers, commencing project "Obnoxiously Giving Not Any Flying Fucks v1.0"

Back In The Lab.
Nota Kaki : I'm back. (I wish)

Back in the Lab again. Trying to grasp the Reality of these seemingly Unreal occurrences that I have allowed to take place around Me. The breeze that wraps herself around me does not any longer sounds so convincing.

Light taps on my shoulder. " Hey Sir, I think I know what your problem is.. " says a faceless stranger, " What .. ? ", I blurted with certain uncertainty, " I know what your problem is Sir, you are, erm.. " He clears his throat while I'm still there pretty much dumbfounded waiting for his next projection of words, the dude's trying to be polite and all, I understand, but he's getting me all anxious now, and its all his fault. I was, for a few seconds, lost in my own tangle of riddles up in my head when he nonchalantly, not to mention catching me off guard, mentions " Lyfeless ! "

WHAT THE FUCKKK ? Are you serious ? " Yes, I am, but you, Sir, are in a more serious problem, you're in tight shit man, its like you've got your dick stuck in a virgin ass and the bitch is about take a dump man ! " LOL. The dude has got some serious academical flaws in making his point. But oddly enough, i get it. Crystal clear. Maybe its just because of the Assman I pretty much am.

The pieces of the Puzzle are scattered all over the edge of its platform. Detached pieces that have extracted the Me.exe substance from Myself.JPEG. Its time to peep at the BIGger Picture , Bitches. And i mean BIG. Period.

On the lighter, I might come back to this post, you know, elaborate a few details, minus all the intentional complexity in between, if your asses are lucky enough. But then again, i might not. What ? What ? Really ? Go ahead and sue me. Yea, yea, I'll be glad to see you in court.